AIBU to say no to grandparents' birthday plans on my weekend?

I'd send a simple , "Im sorry we already have plans, it was a lovely thought, but it will have to be rain checked this time, maybe best to check before in before booking in future."
Looks pleasant message but puts them in their place (gently).

The Court stated that contact with the grandparents would be beneficial for your children. Has the EOW contact been Court mandated? I understand maintaining a relationship with the grandparents, but surely once a month would have sufficed, rather than EOW??? Do your children have a good relationship with their grandparents? You are more or less co-parenting with the grandparents rather than the ex, but they're not having to take on any financial responsibility!

Your daughter is 18, it's her choice where she wants to spend her birthday and who with. The grandmother shouldn't have booked anything when she knew it wasn't her weekend to see your daughter. That's cheeky on her part.

Going forward, and the fact your daughter is an adult, she is going to have to manage her relationship with her grandparents. She may need to stand up to her grandmother, if she's going to be difficult. Do your children know that their grandparents dislike you so much and believe their son is the 'blue eyed boy's who couldn't possibly be violent?

Why on earth are you paying for them to take the kids to do stuff? Stop enabling the cheeky sods and spend the money on doing nice things with your kids yourself.

Thank goodness someone (i.e. your DD) is behaving like an adult. Her mother and grandmother should ask her for some tips.

Not unreasonable. The in-laws are assholes.
The history has to be taken into account. The relationship is tense. Any single parent, esp single mum, would want to celebrate their child's birthdays together. As dd is going to be 18, this might be the last time the mum gets to plan this on the day at home together.

If they are as awful as they seem I wouldn’t have any contact at all with them - then it’s up to your daughter to decide her relationship with them.

I said no to my daughter, it’s not her weekend and we fell out about it.

If by that you mean you and your DD fell out then you are massively unreasonable

Grandmother has already celebrated her child’s 18th. It’s your turn now. She’s being difficult for the sake of it. Ignore her.

It does seem a bit strange and strange to be spending her 18th birthday with GPs or mother. I was out on the lash with my friends on my 18th same as everyone else I knew

Then grandmother will have to go alone, won’t she? You and your DD go ahead with whatever plans you have made together and ignore her.

DD can now facilitate or ignore whoever she wants as she is now 18.

So she’s about to be an adult and you can’t put your feelings aside for one day? Likely she will spend the time with you but there’s a risk that she will feel guilty if she doesn’t

Of course she could, she was just being bloody-minded to annoy you

Your daughter is 18 and you can no longer tell her no. It’s not your choice what she does on her birthday and isn’t up to you anymore. You’re ruining it by being controlling. If you carry on with your ways, it won’t be you she’s choosing to spend time with.

Your daughter is 18, so it is up to her. Or you could always invite them to your celebrations for her.
You will start making your daughter feel guilty having to choose between you noth.

Ok so the problem is now resolved your daughters get to see her on Tuesday and you get to do the cake and dinner with your 18 year old on Saturday.

I do think you should probably start to pull away from communicating with the grandparents to be honest. If your older two are now adults then I imagine your younger child isn't much younger and can also make plans independently with them?

You are giving them too much communication.
It doesn't suit. Your daughter wants them to move it.
End of. Stop letting them impact on you and control the narrative.

Happy birthday to your daughter. Hope you have a lovely party

Of course it does

Your daughter is 18 and it’s up to her how she wants to spend her birthday weekend. Make it easy for her by not being a dick about it.

'they refuse to even look or talk to me. My ex was violent and arrested for it. His parents refused to believe it even though he was found guilty'

I'm confused as to how/why you asked them to take your children on holiday and pay for their driving lessons?

They have them every other weekend. They have basically taken on the coparenting role.

Id try not to have a war over it. Could you go out for lunch and make it lovely? I totally understand that youre upset and why, but you have to pick the battles that deserve the energy.

Yes, but that still doesn't make it nothing to do with the girl's mum!

Her GPS sound like very decent people

'they refuse to even look or talk to me. My ex was violent and arrested for it. His parents refused to believe it even though he was found guilty'

They don't sound remotely decent to me.

Sounds as though GP are being arses but please don't make it uncomfortable for your daughter. Just reassure her that you love her everyday and will celebrate with her on a day of her choice. She will be 18 for the whole year.