AIBU to consider a date with a man who is sectioned under the MH act

This 100%.
When i was in a particularly bad patch I met a man who was abusive. In the throes of that horrific relationship I was diagnosed with mental health issues i didnt even have.
Its only now that i am not with him, its recognised that my behaviour at the time was reactive to his abuse. I dont have BPD, i am not bipolar and i dont suffer anywhere near as much with OCD without him around and I no longer have an eating disorder.

He used my vulnerability to abuse me horrifically and coming from a place where I am not particularly vulnerable anymore, I wonder why, or how someone would start a relationship with someone in a position where they are vulnerable unless it is to take advantage of that fact.

OP, you said that you relate with him as you have some mental struggles as well. My question is: how strong are you emotiomally? Imagine 2 people with mental health issues as 2 people with a leg in a cast. They can't support eachother. How is his support system? Does he have a loving caring family that supports him? Because if he doesen't you will become the default support. Are you willing to sacrifice your own mental health and recovery for his? Because the reality is you most likely will have to if you go in a relationship with him. This is not judgemental, OP, nor mean, I am being realistic and I want you to be realiatic and measure your future relationship prospect against the situation as it is now. Take of your rose tinted glasses and be objective. Good luck!

I know dating is a minefield but he’s not my type currently sectioned think you need to step back and leave him to work on himself.

As if they don’t go hand-in-hand 🙄

Having similar trauma and meeting at a support group is such a red flag. He is currently very unwell (it’s hard to get sectioned).

i’d say be friends for now, get to know more about his situation. And see what he’s like when he’s out - at the moment he’s in a low stress environment, all his needs are being met without him having to make an effort. It’s very different from having all the stresses and pressures of everyday life.

Once you start dating you’ll start to feel obliged and drawn in. Not to say don’t do it - just go in eyes wide open.

Not always the case, you can be willing to go, but be considered too high a risk to be voluntary and be sectioned anyway. (I work on a ward.)

He’s not perfect, but he doesn’t bring any drama or stress into my life and he enhances (or doesn’t change) any part of my life.

I find it really sad that you’d rather be with someone that detracts from your life (accepting the kids point is personal and you may not see it that way) than be alone.

Yep, OP has stayed on the thread and said as much. Also clarified a few things about the situtation etc.
It seems like no one is reading them 🙄

So you found the perfect spouse then. Congrats.

Which is why OP stated several pages ago that she wasn’t going to date him, but suggest that they be friends instead.

I’m married, so probably not…

No, it does not !! A section only removes the need for consent to necessary medical treatment. Anything outside of that isn’t relevant to the section. You are confusing consent with capacity.

No.

This is people who understand that there's actually a bigger problem that has fuck all to do with being kind.

It's about a reality that you have to be in a good place to have a healthy relationship. Relationships which start with conversations like 'is it a good idea?' are usually not a good idea precisely because you have to ask the question.

Many here will have their own experiences of not being particularly mentally well and starting bad relationships because of that position because they are just happy for someone showing affection/taking time.

That's not stigma. That's recognising poor self esteem and decision making and crappy power dynamics.

He needs time and space on his own on his own terms. Then he will be in a much better position. The same probably applies to you too.

It's not about mental health and the stigma of mental health. It's about healthy decision making at the right time for the right reasons.

Considering dating someone in these circumstances is not healthy decision making at the right time for the right reasons.

Wow, l think you’re going to be alone a very long time if you’re trying to filter out so many variables.

It depends how unwell he is someone in the throes, of acute psychosis would be unlikely to be able to consent
But it has nothing to do with their IQ
Personally im advising caution until he has had his section rescinded and is more stable .

Not your type and sectioned?
Maybe you deserve better op.

Agree. There’s been a lot of talk about capacity, which is entirely different to consent. A section under the MHA temporarily removes the need for consent for necessary treatment. The actual capacity for decision making is not examined or assessed by the MHA - that’s the purpose of the Mental Capacity Act. It’s an important distinction and one which is clearly not well understood here, judging by some of the views expressed on the thread.

He should not be starting a relationship.

He isn't in a state where it's healthy for him.

He's fixating on you as being his saviour rather than sorting his own shit out first. You are the relief and escape from reality.

Except reality doesn't go away. You will be his emotional crutch and if you are unhappy and want to end the relationship, he will not cope with it and will suggest and he won't be able to cope without you.

None of this is healthy.

Equally from your side, you are looking at this from exactly that saviour complex mentally. The idea that you will make all the difference and can help him. Nope the only person who can help him is him. And until he gets this he will only go round and round in circles with his mental health.

Again not healthy thinking from you.

Run for the hills. The power dynamics and emotional starting point are seriously fucked from the word go. It will not produce a healthy relationship.

This. If he’s still under section then he’ll be very poorly, OP. The threshold for sectioning in the UK is very very high, as there are so few beds. Do you know how long he’s been in hospital? A section 2 is up to 28 days for assessment. A section 3 is up to 6 months for longer term treatment that cannot be looked after in the community. If he’s been on section 3 for a long time (it seems like it from your post), then he will be long term chronically unwell. You could end up becoming his carer, or bounce around with him from crisis to crisis, which will take its toll on your own mental health.

I’m not saying this in a judgmental way. There are so many people with severe and enduring mental health illness that have successful relationships, but it adds a layer of stress onto you that will be incredibly hard. Especially if he’s poorly enough to be on section.

How many more red flags do you need? Can ypu really think this will work? Isn't there other people you can find to date?

They have red lags for a reason, they talk about noticing them more for a reason

No this is not a good idea

No. I’d rather live my life alone than fall in love with someone with such severe mental health issues that they’re going impair my own standard of living - even if that’s just from time to time.

I only want a partner that’s going to add to my life, not someone who will both add and detract, so I wouldn’t string him along.

And this isn’t just a health thing - I’d also dismiss anyone with kids, interfering family members, addiction issues… the list goes on.

I met my DP at a similar one (was a group where we have tea and biscuits and play games). A social group for people with MH issues, but not a therapy group and not aimed at any particular diagnosis. Many people met partners there, and most made friends. There were no rules about forming relationships.

I also go to an art focussed one, and there is a man there who is an inpatient (I think he is under section as he always has a member of staff from the ward with him). He is very talented, and if you sit and chat with him, you would have no idea he is currently an inpatient, and it would be a surprise to many.

I find it sad that posters on here think that he must not be able to consent to anything just because he under a section. MH sectioning if for the treatment of MH disorders. He can refuse anything else (and make decisions) about anything else that is not related to his illness. Other posters make it sound like his IQ dropped sharply and he does not know what a relationship is.

You can be very unwell and be a voluntary patient.
When I have been assessed under the MHA, I get asked if I would be willing to go into hospital. You can be very very unwell, but if you are willing to go in then you wont get sectioned. Being sectioned is horrible as you have far less rights than someone who goes willingly, not least the prospect of being physically restrained and medicated.

It may not be the relevant legislation but the point is that lots of posters mistakenly think it is. The MHA allows for the treatment of patients under section without their consent - the actual capacity for consent isn’t assessed. The MCA addresses mental capacity, which is an entirely different issue, and lots of posters are confusing the two.