AIBU to consider a date with a man who is sectioned under the MH act

I wouldn’t introduce the possibility of
someone in to the lives of my children only because I deem them dangerous for goodness sakes. My benchmark is somewhat higher than “is someone dangerous or not”

@DotAndCarryOne2 didn’t need to tell OP?
he’s currently an in patient having been sectioned and they met at a support group!!

Sweet jesus

You are jumping on shadows.

The op barely knows the man, so trusting completely anyone’s version of anything at such an early stage of knowing them would be daft.

A breakdown is not a single event. So you’re saying that this would involve no build up whatsoever , just suddenly he did something so incredibly concerning and completely out of no where that he was sectioned? Of course not. There would have been a slow and steady build up of behaviours

Seems like it. The push in recent years to de-stigmatise mental health is obviously lost on MN.

If anyone reads the regular threads here about the desperate need for more/better MH services and often cases where the person clearly should be sectioned and aren’t, surely it’s clear that being sectioned is not something easily done.
Off all the men in the world this is who OP thinks could be a potential partner to bring into her kids lives?
Starting off a relationship with these issues against you with someone who is not her type reeks of a complete lack of judgement by OP.
Surprised at ppl agreeing and defending this.

I don’t think OP was thinking of jumping in and bringing him to live with her and her kids the minute he’s released from the section, so I don’t see the issue. She’s already said she only intends friendship at this stage. I totally agree that her first priority is her children, but I don’t subscribe to the view that because this man has had mental health problems he automatically represents a danger.

a) Having a mental health problem doesn’t automatically make you a liar. He needn’t have said anything about being sectioned at all, but chose to share it with OP.
b) A breakdown can be a single event in someone’s life and they can go on to live a ‘normal’ life, whatever that is. Sectioning is safeguarding, not a prison sentence. The fact that so many posters are treating it as similar and assuming that the person represents a threat is really depressing.

I didn’t say that. I didn’t say anything about danger (although who knows…. Does it occur to you that he might not be telling the truth around the circumstances of his sectioning?). It’s the possibility of drama that I find the most galvanising force behind my position on this.

No. Just no.

Ah, so anyone sectioned can't be trusted now?

That’s fine - a personal choice and I applaud it. What I take issue with is the assumption that because this man has had a mental health problem he is automatically a danger to children. Mental health issues and reasons for sectioning are many and varied. We don’t know the full circumstances - OP does, so she’s really the only one who can make the determination as to whether her children would be at risk or not.

* ? OP has already said he has no diagnosis and was sectioned because of a single incident - a breakdown. *

a) we don’t know if he’s telling the truth
b) a “breakdown” isn’t a “single incident”

And what he has told the Op re the circumstances surrounding his sectioning…. How does she even know that’s the truth.

All utterly utterly irrelevant to me.

Not a chance I’m introducing in to the lives of my children someone who has such serious mental health issues that they have been sectioned and remain under community care.

Don’t give a hoot if that’s not PC or not. When it comes to my children… political correctness goes out the window. I do what is best for them.

Why can’t you trust someone who has had a mental health problem ? Why does having a breakdown somehow make you untrustworthy ?

Why ? OP has already said he has no diagnosis and was sectioned because of a single incident - a breakdown. Many people have a single mental health incident and go on to live perfectly ‘normal’ lives. He’s clearly allowed out as they met at an external support group which is likely part of his rehabilitation. Because someone has been sectioned or has had mental health issues doesn’t automatically make them a danger to children or anyone else. and the suggestion that OP would knowingly put her children at risk is insulting. Especially as she’s said several times that she’s decided on friendship for now.

I would think you would be far better to forget about him and date someone you actually know and can trust.

You can't assume he cannot consent to a relationship just because he is detained under the mental health act.

OP I'd probably do what others have suggested and continue with your friendship for now, at least.

Doesn’t the fact you have kids make this an open and shut case? A big fat and unequivocal and unwavering…. F* no.

I was going to say exactly the same.

She has also been accused of preying on a vulnerable man who can't possibly be able to "consent to a relationship"... which just shows a shocking lack of awareness about MH issues and what being detained under them entails.

She has said he does not have a diagnosis, but had a breakdown.... but people have assumed he has life long MH problems and will be in and out of hospital for the rest of his life, and destroy her life in the process.
Some people only ever have one episode of MH so bad they end up in hospital, and they go on to live their life unaffected by it.

A PP likened her to an abusive ex.

I also took umbrage at the "loopy" comment. The PP was using it in a derogatory way to insult the OP, not looking back at "funny" moments that their bipolar relative had.

I have been sectioned many times. I have been out on leave and been stood next to you in a shop, or having a tea in a cafe... and you would have never have known. I am wondering if someone will post next and ask how he can use Whatsapp if he has a straightjacket on.

OK we’ll have to agree to disagree.

Sadly it isn’t.

Yes they did. Read the thread. A poster told OP she was as ‘Loopy’ as her friend and when called out, tried to justify it by saying they apply the word to their own mental health problems. Nut job was also mentioned, some posters implying that her friend is a ‘lesser’ person because of their mental health, and it’s also been asked several times whether or not the OP is a parent. One poster said OP should put her children first, without even knowing why her friend had been sectioned - the risk to her children was assumed. Put that together with the inability of many posters to understand the distinction between consent and capacity and it’s fairly shocking IMO.

Unfortunately OP this is AIBU - it tends to be brutal and you get a fair amount of posters whose sole purpose is to come and insult the OP in any way they see fit. The ignorance towards mental health problems at play on the thread, as well as the inappropriate name calling has been shameful. Clearly the push to de-stigmatise mental health issues isn’t working is it ? You might be better asking MN to move the thread to the mental health boards or maybe copy it there.