AIBU to consider a date with a man who is sectioned under the MH act

Thank you

This issue was @DotAndCarryOne2 didn’t like my response!

Are you and he continuing at art therapy or is it now all via WhatsApp?

If you met him at a support group does that mean you also have mental health difficulties?If he’s currently sectioned you may be better waiting till he’s fully recovered and be a good friend only till both of you are less vulnerable .

That's a spiteful response. You must have an extremely conventional life and sound so smug. That being said, I agree with other comments that OP should not try to pursue a relationship with someone who is currently institutionalized, as their friend will likely not be in a position to make a rational decision. It sounds as if their friend will be going through a lengthy period of rehab, and will need to focus on their recovery. There's no need to sneer, however.

Wow you’re getting a really hard time here OP! You asked for opinions and then reflected and said you’ll agree to stay friends for the foreseeable. I don’t see anything wrong with that. Would I date someone who is currently sectioned? No. Would I date someone who has been sectioned in the past? Yes probably - depending on circumstances. Some of the most resilient and empathetic people I know are people who have had profound MH problems or dealt with trauma and managed to work through those problems.

I think I’ve already left a post as I work with rehabilitating adults who are sectioned under MHA or on DOLs . I do believe you as obviously a lot can be wonderful people . But I would still recommend staying a friend and not entering a relationship . You’ve stated you understand he’s vulnerable which should already be something to consider more than you seem to ?But he should be focussed on own recovery right now if still under MHA and for a time after . But I’m not sure you’ll be very receptive to this point of view as you are deflecting any negative opinions from what I’ve seen. Just my opinion, I’m sorry .

I would always be dubious about it. The chance that history could repeat itself and the possible danger it could put me in.
I ended up in a similar situation where I met a guy a few times and he later disclosed his past, one of which was having been sectioned. His story still doesn't match up to the person I dated, who also seemed kind and emotionally available.
Now everyone is different but in that situation he explained that things can be normal one minute and the next that could all change. It was far too risky for me to proceed, especially when mental health issues have to be quite severe if they have to be sectioned.
Mental health generally is ongoing and you could be taking on a lot, as well as that possibility they could end up back in that place.

He sounds like he has been a good friend to you, OP, and you are to him.
I wish him well, and that he can get back to your art group soon. Such groups are a lifeline to people. Having MH issues can be a very isolating experience, especially when you are in hospital. And art is lovely and distracting.

I am going to unfollow this thread now as some of the things people are saying about people will MH illness is upsetting me. I have been sectioned many times, and not once have I lost any empathy, or been anything but warm and supportive to those I know. I was not a danger to children, and I absolutely deserve to be loved. Thankfully my DP does not think like some of the people on here. MH stigma alive and well.

Good luck

I agreebut I wouldn't delve too deep, you don't know what's real and you've been unwell yourself in the past.

In what way is he supportive, he doesn't need to be worrying about anyone but himself at the moment.

You need to find out why he was sectioned. People are sectioned if they are a danger to themselves or others. This is very tricky, l would tread carefully. Has he got a past with mental illness? You need to ask alot of questions and get believable answers before you meet.

How much pain do you want?

How is it derailing the thread, the poster answered with what she would do hypothetically in this situation if she was in OP's shoes. Is it not what the thread is about?

Many years ago my dad met his partner in what was called a “halfway house” back then. She had previously been sectioned.

They were together 15 years, bought a house and had a mortgage. He loved her very very much. She went missing three times. The first time she turned up in Israel. The second time she turned up in a psychiatric hospital on the south coast. The last time she went missing for good and when my dad died, we still hadn’t found her.

She came into my life when I was about 10. I really loved her. She was funny, kind, intelligent, full of empathy. She wasn’t maternal but she was wonderful to me and my DB.

People who have been sectioned deserve to be loved too. They deserve to find someone who accepts them for who they are. And that means accepting and understanding that there may be relapses and that their MH may impact the relationship.

OP, you came to this thread to ask for opinion on starting a relationship with someone who is currently sectioned. And you have a child. I appreciate that you have since decided to remain just friends for now, but I think the fact that you’d even consider this is quite concerning. You might want to consider why you thought it might be feasible - do you need counselling yourself? A man who is currently sectioned is in no way fit to embark on a new relationship, no matter how kind and lovely he is. He is in an extremely vulnerable position and starting a relationship with him isn’t even a question. The concern here is not the conclusion you’ve reached but how that wasn’t obvious from the start - even more so as you are a parent.

Also you’ve mentioned that you both have the same trauma. I’m not sure this is a healthy basis for a relationship either.

By all means continue your friendship. If he returns to the community successfully, is stable, and healthy mentally you can both reconsider things at that point.

I worked in MH for 22 years. I'm afraid I wouldn't get involved. He's obviously had severe mental health issues, enough to get sectioned. Which I might add, isn't taken lightly, you have to be in a pretty bad state for that to be put in place.
What do you know about his mental health history? From my experience, it's very very rare for this to be a "one off" so to speak.
I'd steer well clear, because if it is severe enough to be sectioned, any relationship is going to be unpredictable and very damaging on you.
It's one thing being with someone you know all about and them having a mental health crisis, that can happen to the best of people. But to start a relationship with someone you know very little about, then no.

There’s no guarantees even then. My cousin was sectioned, seemed to get better then a few years later committed suicide.

OP, I would be a supportive friend but wouldn’t get involved romantically.

No. Relationships are difficult enough.

My friend is in there for trauma. I don’t want to go into the precise ins and outs however for clarity I’ll say he suffered a terrible loss and spiralled after that.

I can imagine you feel very bad for him but you do not want to start anything based on sympathy.

He is not in the right headspace right now.

Someone can be in hospital and also be warm, open and supportive. Some of the most supportive people I met when in hospital were other patients.

Unwell people are capable of positive feelings towards other people. It is pretty offensive to suggest that they are not.

It was me who said that you seemed like hard work.
You said he was ‘warm, open and supportive’.
He literally doesn’t have the capacity to be any of those things at the moment. He cannot be trusted to look after himself (hence his current situation) never mind feel empathy towards others.
By assuming that he can, you are either seriously underplaying how unwell he is, or so desperate to be loved that you feel this is the best you deserve. Either way, it doesn’t end well.

I’m sorry but I work as a support worker with adults sectioned under the mental health act . I wouldn’t recommend it . Even those that seem on first impressions as functioning well are not really and are very vulnerable

Yep. Agree. We all need friends. Sorry if I seem a bit combative but I worked in the area of disability for a long time and the attitudes towards mental health don’t seem to have moved on. I’m not naive enough to believe a friendship or relationship is not without it’s challenges where mental health issues are present, but I’m old enough to know from experience that knowledge is power and going into something with no illusions and some compassion and common sense can bring so many benefits.

Op says she's never been sectioned but has been unwell in the past so we don't really know the whole situation. If he has been in hospital for months it may not be the best time to start a relationship but op seems happy to be friends which is great if it's positive for both of them.