AIBU to consider a date with a man who is sectioned under the MH act

Of course he can. You can get time out of the hospital as soon as the psychiatrist approves it. You just have to come back for sleep and meds.

This man is mentally unwell.

He has been sectioned, so yes, he is vulnerable, and frankly, it's strange you are pursuing a new relationship with someone in such a delicate time in their life.

He is really an extraordinary person.
In what ways is he extraordinary?

I asked this on page1 and OP hasn’t answered it but it’s fundamental to answer this question in knowledge of his current situation.

Emergency section- 72 hours he’s so unwell he probably doesn’t know his own name. No way should someone be interrupting his recovery with a relationship

section 2- up to 28 days as above pretty much applies, although he will be stabilising and allowed day release etc as he starts to get better. Still very vulnerable

section 3 - up to 6 months and seems the most likely one as op has met him out at meetings etc. this is for people who need longer to recover or don’t have support at home to recover. The mental break that caused the section is obviously something that happened to 6 months ago.
Whilst this makes him the least “vulnerable” it does indicate he’s struggled go stabilise with medication and doesn’t have a strong support network. However I don’t think we can say he’s too vulnerable for a relationship, I don’t think that’s fair.

You can have leave when on section if it is suitable. I did, and spent it at home in bed with my partner. He was not "preying" on me.
Over night leave is often encouraged as a way to get people used to being back out again.

If he’s sectioned he can’t come out for a date with you !

I have a friend who has previously been sectioned due to a mental health illness. That itself wouldn't put me off but he will need recovery time once released. I would firstly build up a friendship whilst he recovers and then see what happens. You may at minimum get an amazing friendship out of it.

Doctors don’t need a court order to section someone under the mental health act. The most common sectioning is civil, and can be for a variety of reasons, and means the patient can be treated regardless of consent. A team of professional medics can section someone where appropriate, or police have powers to remove someone to a place of safety. A court order is only necessary if someone has committed a criminal act.

And yet again mh is not considered an illness just like you can be put into hospital for an illness. Guess what folks there's a hospital for your mind aswell as your hospital for your broken legs, pneumonia problems etc, where you will stay for treatment for a length of time to get fixed. This does not always make you vulnerable or insane either

Lots of men out there. You don’t need one that’s been sectioned hun

Honestly OP, I wouldn’t. I’ve had mental health issues in the past and have experience in the MH field and I wouldn’t voluntarily put myself in this position.

I may sound selfish but being in a relationship with someone with serious MH issues can be difficult and exhausting. Two people with MH issues can relate and understand each other but there are also then two people with their own trauma and conflicting needs.

if you have children @babypicklesthen I would say absolutely not. It’s not fair to choose to put them in a position where they might experience someone in their lives who could be unpredictable.

I’m saying this because I have the experience I do and I just wouldn’t choose it myself.

I think if him being detained was a recent thing you should just continue to be friends until he's been able to have more help and been stable for longer.

If it was a while ago and he's alright now and has been for while and you are compatible and want to see where it leads then go for it but do be aware that the issues that have happened in the past could come up again but being sectioned doesn't make someone a bad person nor a bad partner.

It’s not true that everyone sectioned is there under a court order. The doctor can make that decision.

I honestly don’t think it’s a question of writing him off. Mental health is not the same as a physical health condition - even a serious or chronic one. I have a family member who has bipolar disorder and life can be very very tough at times. Op needs to be sure she could cope.

It’s not true that everyone sectioned is there under a court order. The doctor can make that decision.

I wouldn't date him right now, build up a friendship first.

However, you did ask in the AIBU section which is not right - it should be in the MH area

He’s sectioned under the mental health act OP. He’s likely not ready for a relationship. I think you need to step back and let him recover and maybe revisit in a while. You need to be aware that life could be very difficult, and depending on how serious his mental health condition is, the feelings you have may not be enough to get you through what could be some very tough times. Take a deep breath and think things through.

One of the reasons I would word it “not right now” is so he doesn’t feel rejected at a time when he might feel it more acutely.

There is also a big difference between being hospitalised (agreeing you need help) and being sectioned (refusing help you clearly need and having to have a court ordered intervention). He’s not in a good place.

For me it’s not that he WAS hospitalised, it’s that he still IS hospitalised.

There is a big difference.

I think if someone is so unwell they are sectioned the last thing they need is the emotional upheaval of a new relationship. He is a vulnerable person and not necessarily based placed to act in his own best interests. You are presumably not, so if you care for his wellbeing should do the responsibile thing and not engage with him in this way while he is so ill.

He is absolutely not in the right head space to even think about getting into a relationship and the fact he is suggesting a date is a massive red flag.

He should be focusing solely on himself.

I have had family members and friends who’ve been sectioned and they are all lovely people, so I would never say not to date anyone who’s been sectioned but no way would I ever say to date whilst they have been sectioned.

In fact, I would never date anyone who is currently sectioned in a MH facility, prison, living with an ex wife or their parents (unless there was a good reason), as way too many people cannot be alone and they will try and cling to people so that they can live with them/be taken care of.

You also need to think about how fragile he is and what happens if you’re not ready to commit to anything too serious but he wants to move faster or you want to end things completely - he could end up hurting himself and you’ll struggle to end things as you will feel guilty as you have him hope or whatever.

Unfortunately people can be trauma bonded and form attachments with people because of past trauma and it’s hard to see whether the person is actually right for them.

You are going to do what you want to do but my advice is to take things very, very slowly and remain just friends for a long time.
Any kind of pushing from him to make things go faster or if he’s starting to struggle with his MH again, then run!

I am assuming you don’t have kids?
Who do you live with?

Well it depends why he is hospitalised and how his recovery is going.

Speaking as someone who was hospitalised for my MH many years ago, it’s a bit sad to see that some people will write others off for a difficult health spell.

Would you have the same attitude towards someone who had cancer or a chronic illness?

I'm not sure that this would be a good idea, OP