AIBU to consider a date with a man who is sectioned under the MH act

Where does self esteem come into it? Do you think people with mental illnesses can't have meaningful, close relationships? They are effected by their illness not defined by it. Like the rest of the population they also have personalities. One of the worse things about having a mental illness must be feeling judged and unworthy of love.

I’m not sure what else do you need me to explain to you. If I decided to date someone who was sectioned, I’d like to know the background of the situation. I think you’re trying to read way too much into my comment.

As someone who has been sectioned a few times myself absolutely not. I actually question my partners sanity of why he started seeing me. People with smi are draining and will need a lot of your time. There are also a lot of restrictions that you may face being in a relationship with someone with smi. Like how much more difficult it will be for him to get and keep a job, has he had his driving licence took of him, hope you're also not planning on traveling much as there are restrictions and if you have kids with him mental illness can be quite genetic and the chances of social service involvement is highly likely with smi. So basically just no.

The obvious worry here is that he is currently sectioned, he is a vulnerable person currently in crisis. He is not in any position to start a healthy relationship, full stop.

My secondary but very real concern is that you mention you met in a support group- in all honesty that could well be a recipe for disaster rather than any kind of healthy relationship.

I don't think you are being unreasonable by considering it. However, I would proceed with caution.As other posters pointed out he will be vulnerable.You say you met at a support group, if you have mental health issues you will understand that. I used to work ( a long time ago) with adults with mental illnesses .Mental illnesses which result in a 'section' are often bi-polar and schizophrenia. They are serious and chronic conditions. People with these conditions are stigmatized ( see some of above posts) and face many challenges in their personal lives connecting with others. I knew many who had successful long term relationships, but relapse is always a risk and can be very distressful. Compliance with medication is important, due to side effects especially anti psychotics people will stop taking them because they ' feel fine' only to become very ill and have little insight as to why this has happened. Can you see him as a friend and not give false hope of dating of a romantic relationship? At least until you understand more about the support he might need.

Well, one might think that you could easily answer that question yourself.

I would hold off on dating. Good friends can support one another in a way that people dating can not. If you both have a background with trauma, you should realize how easy it is to end up in a codependent relationship.

after he is in a better place, maybe it will turn into something more. Friendship is the best foundation for a strong and lasting romantic relationship.

A close friend of mine was sectioned. When he came out he seemed reasonably “normal” but went on to have fairly serious issues for years. That is a huge burden to take on in a new relationship. I wouldn’t do this. Too painful for at least one, maybe both of you.

Sectioning has nothing to do with capacity. You can be sectioned for a variety of reasons and still retain full capacity. Sectioning gives the professionals the ability to treat you appropriately regardless of consent. It doesn’t mean you don’t have the ability to consent.

Well that’s sort of obvious- same for any physical or mental illness.

but the why doesn’t make any sense to me? What answer would you expect? Because the answer to why he was sectioned is highly likely to be psychosis. That gives you no information.

I have had mental health struggles, so I am not going to stigamtise or talk down about him. All I will say is if he is sectioned, then he it has been decided that he doesn't currently have full capacity to look after himself. He needs to focus on getting better, not forming new relationships.

Because whatever issue, illness etc he has might manifest on how he shows up on his romantic relationships.

I have enough on my plate as it is and I grew up with a parent with schizophrenia and it’s not for the faint of heart.

Agree. There’s not a great deal of understanding here from some.

OP you posted in AIBU and it can be brutal. The lack of understanding of MH problems on the thread is quite shocking. I think you’ve identified the best approach here. The last thing you want to do is make him feel abandoned if you back off altogether, but obviously he’s going to need space for his recovery.

I was a disability outreach worker for a long time and saw my fair share of MH problems, some of which tore families and personal relationships apart. You need to know what you’re getting into because some conditions can be very difficult to deal with. Having said that, if you care about this man, it will be difficult to just disengage altogether so I think maybe be there as a friend and offer support, and see where it goes. Just make sure you’re as informed as you can be about his condition and prepared for difficult times as well as good ones. Good luck.

Have you met him in real life, OP, or was the group therapy online/zoom?

You say he’s not your type, you don’t want to be leading him up the garden path. I’d stick to being good supportive friends for the time being.

U ok hun?

Apologies for using the term court order. My relative was detained under a section which was only very temporary for MH which then had to be extended under a different section by a court for further treatment. I don’t remember the time scales anymore for each type of section.

My point was: sectioning is against the patients wishes, and therefore indicates that despite the fact he has been deemed to be a risk, he doesn’t see this for himself. Unlike voluntary hospitalisation.

Youre being incredibly naive. Hes very ill, too ill to realise hes ill so has been sectioned.

His ability to present as emotionally available is troubling, you dont want an emotional entanglement with him. And its not really fair to him either when hes so poorly. All his therapists and MH support would advise both of you against it

Yes that is my gut feeling. (About him being vulnerable).
He is really an extraordinary person. He’s very self aware and open. Again I’m aware that “real life” could present completely differently than WhatsApp exchanges.
I don’t want him to feel hurt or rejected but I will be honest with him about my concerns.

I work in MH services. Yes, there but for the grace of God when it comes to mental health, but neither of you seem to be in a position to engage in a healthy, mutually supportive relationship - especially if his past trauma is still having such an enormous impact on his health. You’d be doing both of you a disservice by entering into a relationship.

I think be VERY clear that you value him as a friend and only that

This man is so vulnerable, but still human! Still capable of falling in love etc

The key thing is, hes not your type physically. If you were going to do this, you'd need to be 100% and you definitely aren't

Yabu but I think that youre not at all a bad person - I've been to rock bottom - to be spoken to and seen as an equal, as worthy of being a friend, can mean so much.

Wish you both the best x