AIBU to question my friend's daughter effectively moving in with us?

You could look after her under a private foster arrangement. If you think things are really bad at home though you could really try and push SS as to what they are going to do about the other children.
You could give them all the details as to what you’ve seen going on and how that translates to neglect. Point out that Sarah has got herself out of that situation but the others are too young to do this themselves. Tell them how bad Sarah has said it’s been. They should be looking at the very least at child in need plans and more realistically child protection plans. Ideally they’d decide that the children shouldn’t be there and then they should be assessing you as a carer with potential entitlement to financial support. They won’t want to do this but it may be that things are bad enough they should be.

oh wow so full house already then! Just make sure it’s whats best for her, she’s going to be hormonal and when it eventually hits she’ll have a lot of anger towards her mother. If you keep her you cannot keep the friendship.

People, as evidenced from this thread, really dont know what private fostering arrangements are

It is a private arrangement between two people, one who has PR, who is delegating the care of their child to a non relative (there are categories of this, but its too long winded to go into)

So the neighbour/friend etc has to agree that they are now going care for that child on behalf of the parent or person with PR

Have you done that OP

If you have agreed to this, then SSD will come to assess that to determine is not a Climbe situation, then you'll be left to get on with it more or less. There is a requirement to visit the child, DBS checks will be completed, an assessment of your capacity to meet need. The parent should change the child benefit over so you can make a claim, SSD will oversee it to some degree but its not an arrnagement made by them or set up by them, its not a 'placement'.

Private fostering, in my view, is best served when there has been a long standing 'parental' role from the private fosterer or they are an extremely significant person to the child

As someone points out above, you're not 'parenting' her where she is at yours, its game playing, staying over, hanging out. What would that look like as a permanent thing?

I can't believe her DM is content to wash her hands of her DD. Has she spoken to you about plans for her DD going forward? Has she asked to see her DD? Does she seem content with the situation currently ? Is she aware of what an impact this has on your family?
She can't just leave everything to you, you've got to discuss her plans going forward - she needs to offer financial support. Surely she can't just offload her parenting responsibilities to others?

I’m sure your friend is more than happy someone else is actually parenting the poor girl.

Does your friend receive benefits for her child because I bet you she’ll be wanting her back if that was to stop or she was bedroom taxed due to child not being there.

It very much depends on if you’re happy with the 12 year old staying with you. It sounds like you already have a house full. Is this best for everyone, particularly if there’s a willing family member? I’m sure the 12 year old is loving the ongoing sleepover but ultimately, what is best for her?

I'd keep her. But we're in the process of becoming foster parents so it is something I would personally do. If it's done properly though social services you should get financial support. She's the same age as yours, i don't think they'd have an issue with her sharing, it's better than them finding her somewhere else.

She goes to the same school, knows and gets along with your kids. You're used to her, she's used to you. She can still have contact with her mum since you're friends. She's quite an independent age.

I wouldn't be taking another child into my home under a private fostering arrangement. Social Services will think they've hit the jackpot with you and the Aunt both looking after the children for free.

Staying at your house for a few days and weeks will be very different to living with you permanently and you haven't hit the hormonal teenage years yet.

Your family must come first.

Social will spilt siblings up, they do it all the time. They will need to assess you & your husband and your home to make sure its suitable its correct they would expect her to have her own room though do you have a closed off dining room?

She’s probably loving being in a calm household. My parents had a lot of problems in their marriage when I was a teenager. One day one of their friends dropped by, saw what was going on and took me and my brother to their house for the weekend. I have never forgotten how relaxing the weekend was.

OP if she stays with you children’s social care are definitely interested - if it’s more than, or expected to be more than 28 days you are are privately fostering and this is regulated - children’s social care will need to do some sort of assessment. They allowed the youngest children to go back to Mum because they investigated and decided this was the best thing for them.

The thing is, like isn’t a Disney film. Moving in with your best friend and her family forever is movie plot stuff. I don’t suppose you or your husband are banging on about homework or not eating toast in bed. When she’s at your house is it more like a holiday or is it life as normal?

I can’t remember if you said the ages of your other children but teenagers are expensive and time consuming.

If she’s bunking in with your twelve year old in the holidays then this is something that is going to be difficult. No twelve year old girl should have to have the choice of sharing a room for the next decade or their best friend being told she can’t stay here and has to like with an unreliable and feckless mother.

As others have said, this will need to be assessed by social care as a private fostering arrangement. As it’s considered a private arrangement, the LA have no obligation to help you financially but her mother should. She should at least allow you to claim any benefits related to having her in your care.
It sounds like your daughters friend has had a very chaotic upbringing so what you’re doing for her is lovely.

This is how we got one of my cousins nearly 40 years ago. He is still here. He has kids now. Soon they will probably have kids. He's here to stay.

Are you able and willing to have her stay with you? That's the first question you need to ask yourself - and there's nothing wrong with saying no. Then you leave it for social services to work out - would guess if she doesn't want to go home with your ex-friend and has serious safeguarding issues, it would be some sort of group facility for teenagers.

Just saw your concern about the siblings - they'd likely be separated in foster care anyway. And I can't see anyone expecting you to take in so many additional children.

Obviously your friendship is over but it would be nice if you felt able to stay in the child's life in some way as she's inherently all alone now. Poor kid.