AIBU to question my friend's daughter effectively moving in with us?

If you do decide to care for your friends daughter then I would suggest you request maximum support from the local authority including social work support and financial support.

It's a big responsibility to care for an unrelated child and there is also the possibility that she might go to foster care if you were unable to care for her.

There are no policies set in stone and every agreement and 'policy' is nuanced and often depends on how you negotiate with the Local Authority. Always ask to speak to senior management if you don't feel you are getting anywhere with the social worker.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

So why on earth did you provide the information you did if you have all that experience? We are clearly not going to agree on this so let’s not derail the thread any further.

No one has training to manage teenagers. Even those from stable homes challenge in some cases. You are writing as if it’s inevitable that this child will become a huge problem behaviourally and that isn’t necessarily the case. This happened to a friend of mine when I was 13. He ended up being better behaved and a stabilizing influence on the child of the house. He was so grateful to the patched for giving him what he never had with his own parents that he would never have done anything to mess it up.

What an amazing woman you are, OP.
Thank you for stepping up for this vulnerable young girl. The world needs more people like you (and your DH!)

I've been a qualified Social worker for almost 30 years and now in a senior management role. I know what I'm talking about!! I've also worked in about 8 different LAs as well as a Children's Guardian in court proceedings so am well aware of the law as well as the differences between LAs and the discretion applied with the amount of financial support available.

You need to tell SS that you will do this on any official.basis and you will need funding. Do not allow them to expect you to foot the bill.

But that’s because you are wrong in the advice you gave!!

You need to put your own children first.
one of my siblings had school friends live with us at times. It was awful in all sorts of ways.

You are correct

To other posters asking about the threshold for safeguarding. Its not really a threshold for safeguarding, its a threshold for separation. To separate a child from its parent has to be high, it has to be huge benefits which outweigh the cost of that separation. Courts (and this is not in proceedings but I am just giving an example) must evidence that the legal test for separating a child from their parents is met when making that decision

So in this case, the LA have not commenced pre proceedings, the parent would be supported to have their child return home as the others have already done.

What happens when hormones hit and the girls fall out?

I'm really not determined to prove you wrong at all-that's what you are actually doing! I'm just sharing my own experience and advice as you are.

OP- explore all the options with the social worker when they visit.

From the age of about 9 a close friend of my (now adult) DD gradually became a part of our household for about 70% of the time ... she was always welcome and shared holidays and outings with us.
Her home setup was unstable but not physically abusive or neglectful. The mother was engaged in shifting relationships and DD's friend found it destabilising and distressing. She was a professional woman.
We simply accepted things as she slotted very happily into our home life. Now an adult she is a bit like a DD ... indeed she cancelled a holiday to be at my OH's funeral.
One thing I would say is, having several DDs I am aware that secondary school age girls can do quite a bit of falling out and I think you need to think through what might happen if your DD fell out with Sarah ... it does happen. Because the presence of my DD's friend in our home was not formalised nor full time we would have had no problem in dealing with it.... luckily it did not happen and she is like a sister to my AC.
I do think you need to prepare for possible challenges from inter personal relationships as well as clarifying the legal situation ... and financial... who is buying clothes/paying for school trips etc?

I have no real advice here but I was 13 when I moved in with my friends family. Her mum will always have a special place in my heart for the kindness she showed me. No matter what you decide I'm sure she will feel the same about you.

It’s not as simple as that though as student loans are based on household income so in a blended family where the biological parents live separately one of their incomes isn’t taken into consideration at all but if you live with a partner and your child that income is counted.

So this child could end up not getting a maintenance loan because of the household income.

You sound so lovely. I’m glad this girl has you in her life, whether or not you’re able to take her in longer term.

It’s expensive to take on another child, seems like you can manage that. It’s potentially a risk either way to your friendship with Sarah but from what you’ve described that’s really not much loss. So for me the biggest concern would be to include your own dd in the decision as far as possible.

I think an earlier poster was highlighting future scenarios where your dd would come to resent you and / or the situation. At 12 your dd won’t understand everything but hopefully you can have an honest conversation about what would happen if they fell out and the other girl couldn’t just go home. Let her know it’s not a foregone conclusion and she wouldn’t be bad to object to having the friend move in, but also that it would be hard to undo the decision later. A friend who stays over a lot is totally different from having basically another sibling, but that probably won’t be obvious to dd without explicit discussion of the implications for her.

Social services will let you take on all the financial responsibility while directing everything from the wings. I had all that and no financial support

You must negotiate an allowance if you decide to continue to care for the child

Horrifically high, unfortunately.

The other question is of parental responsibility
who legally has this? If something happened to her say medically who makes the decision? Poor child and you are amazing too for what you are doing and have done

Put your own children first and work out what is best for you and your family. If you don't want the girl to live with you she can go to her Aunts with her siblings. I wouldn't have anything more to do with your friend, she sounds a disgrace.

But the information you shared is incorrect and not helpful to the op. The PF framework is nation wide as it’s part of the children act so whilst there may be some variances in the la, they are all following the same legislation. I am a social worker who completes PF assessments so I know what I am talking about but you seem determined to prove me wrong

It's actually also my job so really no need to be so rude! I know what I'm talking about as well. It may just be different in different LAs like I said!