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Original poster

To tell DS i won’t pick him up from the airport at 2am or drop him off again after how he behaved today?

117 replies

MelodicMercury · 03/04/2026 02:05

I have 4 dc 3 boys 21 and 12 and 3 and a 12yo girl I split with my ex (dad of 3 oldest) in 2017, he was abusive and he’s not involved, the twins don't really remember him because they were only 4 but eldest does obviously and he did whiteness some of the abuse, he was also emotionally abusive toward him (that’s what pushed me to split when he started on eldest)

We moved into a 3 bed house as that’s all i could afford the older 2 boys share a room in bunk beds, eldest has the bunk with a double. DD shares and 3yo has his own bed in my room. I've I never lived with his dad FT but he does stay over though our relationship is complicated somewhat atm

The reason I haven't partitioned the elder boys room is because eldest was complaining about not having a double and he wouldn't have been able to with a sectioned room due to space as the room isn't huge as it is.

he didn't sit his GCSEs due to it being the covid year, but he did well with the predicted grades though he did fail maths. He started a catering course but dropped out after a few months, generally he was ok atittudewise etc though

He then got a job the following year which he hated as it was at a supermarket so very early shifts. He is obsessed with the artist Louis Tomlinson so he bought tickets to go and see his tour (in 2023 I think) but the manager said he couldn't have all those days off so he quit on the spot and used his trust fund money from when he turned 18 to go travelling around Europe and he was mostly travelling that year. I didn't exactly begrudge it as he was an adult and I imagined it would be like taking a gap year

However he didn't get a job straight away but after a while he did, he worked there for about 10/11 months and quit last march. He claimed his manager was treating him badly and quit over message. His gf broke up with him a few months prior and he claimed he was depressed and he’d stay in bed all day on his phone, sleeping in the day and on his phone at night with airpods so he wasn’t distubrting his brother but still. But he would complain when he’d get up for school as he’d wake him. He was prescribed antidepressants and offered therapy, he had about 3 sessions but he hasn’t for a while and he said the therapist isn’t helping

He doesn’t have many local friends but he would go out drinking a few times a week and was getting back drunk and sometimes disturbing us and other times staying out and not letting me know. I know he’s an adult but stilll he lives here it’s not a hotel

He doesn’t work still and last year Louis tomlinson announced he was going on tour which gave ds more of a reason not to work, he wasn’t pleased he couldn’t go to as many dates as before but said there was no point getting a job because he wouldn’t be allowed the time off. He’s now content with the 4 dates he has including one abroad and has said he will get a job when he’s attended his tour dates. He has been looking and applied for a few but not properly looking and he hasn’t heard back. He has a bf now and he’s in uni so hopefully he’ll want to do well too but i’ll believe it when i see it as he didn’t when he had a gf.

He left today (well yesterday now thursday) to go to the concert, he booked his coach to the airport for 4:50 in the morning so i had to drop him off as it’s a 20/25 min drive and he can’t drive. I agreed to it and woke up at 3:50, he had gone to sleep for an early night for a change and id already told his brother not to disturb him if he was playing on his playstation or watching something as eldest was complaining.

Ds wasn’t even awake so i went into him at about 4, he didn’t get up straight away and was complaining he was tired and when he finally did get up he made unnecessary noise and woke his brother. Luckily he didn’t have school today.

He was snappy the whole time in the car and even when i said i didn’t have to drop him off he still didn’t seem grateful.

He’s on the last flight home of the day on Saturday and the coach is 3.5 hours and isn’t meant to arrive here until 1;55 in the morning so i’ll have stay awake and then do a 40/50 minute round trip again

Would it BU to tell him i won’t pick him up after today? Or drop him off at the coach station again, he’ll have to make his own way there or organise something else

OP posts:
AbzMoz · 03/04/2026 08:49

It sounds like he’s been directionless for some time.
I think you probably have to fetch him this time but then a day or two later have a proper talk around money, job, responsibility etc

Miranda65 · 03/04/2026 08:48

Dear Lord, that's a hell of a lot of text for a simple issue.....adult needs transport in early hours. Just tell him to book a taxi or Uber, like every other person would do. Sorted.

GloriaHeeler · 03/04/2026 08:41

wreckingmybread · 03/04/2026 07:59

First time I’ve seen Louis Tomlinson described as an artist.

I genuinely thought the lad was a fan of some sculptor or similar .

I think he needs to move out. My oldest is the same age, the year of the cancelled GCSEs. She’s got two part time jobs as she couldn’t get enough hours at the first job she got. She’s arranged a trip to Paris with a friend after Easter. The airport is an hour away so they are getting the train.

OneShyQuail · 03/04/2026 08:30

MelodicMercury · 03/04/2026 02:05

I have 4 dc 3 boys 21 and 12 and 3 and a 12yo girl I split with my ex (dad of 3 oldest) in 2017, he was abusive and he’s not involved, the twins don't really remember him because they were only 4 but eldest does obviously and he did whiteness some of the abuse, he was also emotionally abusive toward him (that’s what pushed me to split when he started on eldest)

We moved into a 3 bed house as that’s all i could afford the older 2 boys share a room in bunk beds, eldest has the bunk with a double. DD shares and 3yo has his own bed in my room. I've I never lived with his dad FT but he does stay over though our relationship is complicated somewhat atm

The reason I haven't partitioned the elder boys room is because eldest was complaining about not having a double and he wouldn't have been able to with a sectioned room due to space as the room isn't huge as it is.

he didn't sit his GCSEs due to it being the covid year, but he did well with the predicted grades though he did fail maths. He started a catering course but dropped out after a few months, generally he was ok atittudewise etc though

He then got a job the following year which he hated as it was at a supermarket so very early shifts. He is obsessed with the artist Louis Tomlinson so he bought tickets to go and see his tour (in 2023 I think) but the manager said he couldn't have all those days off so he quit on the spot and used his trust fund money from when he turned 18 to go travelling around Europe and he was mostly travelling that year. I didn't exactly begrudge it as he was an adult and I imagined it would be like taking a gap year

However he didn't get a job straight away but after a while he did, he worked there for about 10/11 months and quit last march. He claimed his manager was treating him badly and quit over message. His gf broke up with him a few months prior and he claimed he was depressed and he’d stay in bed all day on his phone, sleeping in the day and on his phone at night with airpods so he wasn’t distubrting his brother but still. But he would complain when he’d get up for school as he’d wake him. He was prescribed antidepressants and offered therapy, he had about 3 sessions but he hasn’t for a while and he said the therapist isn’t helping

He doesn’t have many local friends but he would go out drinking a few times a week and was getting back drunk and sometimes disturbing us and other times staying out and not letting me know. I know he’s an adult but stilll he lives here it’s not a hotel

He doesn’t work still and last year Louis tomlinson announced he was going on tour which gave ds more of a reason not to work, he wasn’t pleased he couldn’t go to as many dates as before but said there was no point getting a job because he wouldn’t be allowed the time off. He’s now content with the 4 dates he has including one abroad and has said he will get a job when he’s attended his tour dates. He has been looking and applied for a few but not properly looking and he hasn’t heard back. He has a bf now and he’s in uni so hopefully he’ll want to do well too but i’ll believe it when i see it as he didn’t when he had a gf.

He left today (well yesterday now thursday) to go to the concert, he booked his coach to the airport for 4:50 in the morning so i had to drop him off as it’s a 20/25 min drive and he can’t drive. I agreed to it and woke up at 3:50, he had gone to sleep for an early night for a change and id already told his brother not to disturb him if he was playing on his playstation or watching something as eldest was complaining.

Ds wasn’t even awake so i went into him at about 4, he didn’t get up straight away and was complaining he was tired and when he finally did get up he made unnecessary noise and woke his brother. Luckily he didn’t have school today.

He was snappy the whole time in the car and even when i said i didn’t have to drop him off he still didn’t seem grateful.

He’s on the last flight home of the day on Saturday and the coach is 3.5 hours and isn’t meant to arrive here until 1;55 in the morning so i’ll have stay awake and then do a 40/50 minute round trip again

Would it BU to tell him i won’t pick him up after today? Or drop him off at the coach station again, he’ll have to make his own way there or organise something else

HOW in the name of all thats holy is he affording these tickets, trips, flights, drinking in pubs etc if he has no consistent job?!
Assume he is paying you no board either.

He is a freeloader and has been allowed to be one.

Its probably too late now, jes too set in his ways. My children are 12 and 6. They understand that if you want nice things abd treats you need to work hard for them (as a child you do well at school, try your best and help around the house) as a young adult you get a little job and save for the things you want. At 18+ you contribute to your parents house and pay your way.

Dont want to go to bed at a good time? Suffer the consequences the next day....you still have to get up and go to work or school feeling tired.

Id say stop enabling him as he is affecting your whole household, but it sounds like you are well past this.

AlwaysTheRenegade · 03/04/2026 08:25

burnoutbabe · 03/04/2026 07:53

@AlwaysTheRenegadei mean he is no Harry styles!

I bloody love Harry Styles, but still not enough to see him four times 😂
Was trying to be kind but Louis Tomlinson is a bit random...

Ponoka7 · 03/04/2026 08:05

Going against the grain, I don't think it's ever fair to change a pick up plan at the last minute. Will he have money for a taxi, or will you end up paying it? When your son witnessed the abuse, he was also being abused via emotional damage. There isn't a recognition of that in your opening post. The rest is what you'd expect of a child/young person struggling after living with abuse and tbh your complicated relationship and overcrowding won't have helped. There should have been more focus on his possible issues earlier on. Were you pregnant or just given birth when he dropped out of the catering course? Does bf stand for boyfriend, was he struggling with his sexuality? I don't think that now is the time to withdraw. He's back, he said he'd look for work, keep the relationship positive and talk to him when everyone has had a good sleep. Were you trying to engage him in conversation and he just wanted to wake up? It's time to start respecting each other as adults.

olympicsrock · 03/04/2026 08:04

Yes this is bananas. I read it that DS has no qualifications not even GCSEs , does mimimum wage jobs for months then quits for no good reason but somehow through inheritance is pissing money up the wall despite sponging off a hard up mum of 4.

There are some serious issues around sexuality/ gender and mental health but surely at a basic level this young person does not have money for travel and concerts and is taking the piss.

wreckingmybread · 03/04/2026 07:59

First time I’ve seen Louis Tomlinson described as an artist.

Tel12 · 03/04/2026 07:56

He's a man, he doesn't need his mum to ferry him about although it is super convenient for him. Is he paying his way? It's time he stepped up or stepped out.

user1476613140 · 03/04/2026 07:53

I would be telling him to get some perspective. Job first, hobbies second. Learn to drive first once he has a job and then he can fund his lifestyle from there with a driving licence.

burnoutbabe · 03/04/2026 07:53

@AlwaysTheRenegadei mean he is no Harry styles!

Dragracer · 03/04/2026 07:53

If he has money for all this travelling and concerts then he has money for a house share.

Stop treating him like one of the kids, he's a man and needs to be making his own travel arrangements.

Henbags · 03/04/2026 07:53

He quit his job because of Louis Tomlinson….?

AlwaysTheRenegade · 03/04/2026 07:48

Is he at the concert alone? and did he arrange his tickets, flights, accommodation ect himself? If he did that himself he'll know how to get home, but if someone else did all the planning, if pick him up this time, the n say no more.

Also, I like Louis Tomlinson as much as the next person, he seems nice, but...Four times?!

beAsensible1 · 03/04/2026 07:43

Spending his last coins on Louis Tomlinson tickets. Bloody bananas

he seems wholly unprepared for adult life. You need To try to get him there, that comes from pulling back the scaffolding. If he can book tickets and flights he can book a cab

Barrenfieldoffucks · 03/04/2026 07:42

You split with the dad nearly 10 years ago. It sounds like everyone has just been left to stagnate.

AlwaysTheRenegade · 03/04/2026 07:40

Reading back, I think I've changed my mind. I'm not sure if you should just say you're not getting him, if that's what you've already arranged.
I might be too soft but he sounds pretty sheltered, and the way you've described him a little vulnerable? There's no question he's ungrateful and rude, but you can ask him to make other arrangements for the next lifts?

beAsensible1 · 03/04/2026 07:40

Ridiculous. Won’t get a job until he sees his favourite artist?

being cheeky after you’ve gotten by him up AND driven him. stop being ridiculous he is old enough to sort a cab to the coach station. He is an adult.

he needs to get a job and find a house share. He isn’t in education so he doesn’t need to stay at home if he can’t even be slightly respectful.

allthingsinmoderation · 03/04/2026 07:36

What would happen if you said to your adult son,its inconvenient for me to do a 50 min round trip at 1.55 am when ive got young children at home and you seem unappreciative it would be better for both of us if you get a taxi home?
You need to have some boundaries with your DS for both your sakes.

canisquaeso · 03/04/2026 07:32

Why can’t he order his own Uber?

DD travels a lot and books her own transportation to and from the airport.

Sartre · 03/04/2026 07:06

He sounds lost and completely lacking direction. He needs to figure out what to do with his life. He can’t go on jumping from shit job to shit job spending any money he gets on Louis Tomlinson tickets… Of course you also shouldn’t be expected to collect him at 2am, he should get a taxi.

EdithBond · 03/04/2026 06:56

Why can’t he get a cab?

Thecomedyclub · 03/04/2026 06:54

Is this the same ds who was dd? There is quite a lot to unpick if so. Stop pandering to your adult child. Think about your youngest - and perhaps some of this explains your rocky relationship with the 3yo dad? As I said, lots to unpick.

curious79 · 03/04/2026 06:52

While you have clearly overindulged your little princeling, I’m not sure teaching him a lesson by refusing to pick him up at 2am from an airport when you had already agreed to do it is the way. However, he’s now wearing his big boy pants and could I’m sure handle it

SquallyShowersLater · 03/04/2026 06:49

We moved into a 3 bed house as that’s all i could afford the older 2 boys share a room in bunk beds, eldest has the bunk with a double. DD shares and 3yo has his own bed in my room. I've I never lived with his dad FT but he does stay over though our relationship is complicated somewhat atm

Who does your DD share with? Confused