AIBU to wonder whether that kind of romantic love really exists?

I think Mr Hayward has it all though. Yes he is romantic at the beginning when he meets Mary and at other times when he recites poetry etc but he is also practical and fun when he plays Graces with her and there is a clear meeting of the minds as well as an emotional connection. So it is possible to be romantic as well as being emotionally and intellectually connected as well. I also think the yearning is often at the beginning of the relationship which is natural as you just want to spend all your time with the object of your desires!

Ew. I'm with the 'No wet lettuces thanks!' crowd.

As do I

My vag would clamp shut if my DP was ‘romantic’ in the way that you describe. Instant ick. Surely if someone was constantly like that it would become a) meaningless and b) very irritating?

My DP is:

Honest (most important thing for me)
Dependable
Funny
Kind
Very generous
Extremely practical and can fix anything.

I’d take all that over being gazed at and having poems written for me any day of the week. We never argue (really!), and after 6 years I love him more and more every day, and weirdly also fancy him more and more - when it feels like I could actually implode with love for him, it turns out there’s always more to give. I guess we all have different ideas of romance.

I’d assume anyone behaving as this man is described (and I haven’t watched) is, being Irish as I am, is desperate for a ride!
He’s not going to be doing that every day.
Otherwise you’d have to murder him to live peacefully.

😂 🤣 yes, I would be interested to know what face cream you use....

Yes I have. But no one is perfect. So dh is very caring, devoted, has cried when he thought I might leave etc. But he isn't rich, very qualified and has a addictive and impulsive behaviours.

I think if you want someone to worship you, but not be jealous ( dh isn't- I do plenty without him while he parents etc). But to get that be highly qualified, high earner, fantastic at housework, no faults etc your looking at a ever shrinking pool. Like women I guess. We can't all be models from Cambridge with generational wealth etc.

Plus it's t a personal protective anyway. My mate has told me her last few partners have emotional intelligence. They have been far from perfect.

40 decades?? Are you Methuselah?

That’s impressive that you attracted a man at 400+ years old 😂

I think true love is seen in actions.
My husband makes me a coffee every morning (inclusive of tin foil "hat" if I'm having a lie-in), does all of the cooking, is an exceptional dad to our 5 yo daughter, and just generally makes me feel like a queen 👸

I just want yearning, unwavering devotion, can’t live without each other, two souls entwined but also quiet affections in love.

Um, "just"??

Ew no thanks. Soppy men like that arent attractive at all.

I want kindness and authenticity and genuine affection. Not performative crying and yearning and over sensitivity

It took me over 40 decades to meet the love of my life. I found myself first and then I found him by sheer magic. He makes my heart sing. He’s not a wimp but he’s kind. He’s not a pushover but he’s empathic. He is the first to hug and the last one to bed after washing up. He is my Mr Hayward. We sleep curled up together, he wipes my tears and we learn and grow together.

They’re not mutually exclusive.

Happily married for over 20 years. If my husband starts looking at me intensely in the eyes/tears welling etc I think I’d have to leave the wet lettuce 🥬.

If i had this i would run for the hills i
t has red flags galaore, any time I hear 'he is a perfect gentleman' I want ro say open your eyes

My husband is a normal human and that is just the way I like it

It is fiction, your DP may be a lovely guy don't set your expectations ridiculously high.

Same. I would find a man mooning about, reading tearful romantic poetry to be a massive turn off and it would make me drier than the Sahara.

Now, him silently but intensely chopping wood, sweat glistening on his shirtless muscular chest- yes please!

We dont all like simps!

Give me practical, pulls his weight, and hardworking every day of the week, over emotionally vulnerable, intense, yearning. It would do my head in to be honest.

Its not a fantasy. I endured for a while then met someone who is kind, warm hearted, romantic, steady, practical. If he goes away its a physical yearning both ways. We would literally walk 500 miles to be back together.

Your current partner - is he kind? Does he make you laugh? Do you enjoy hanging out with him - does he make your life better? Are you a good team - do you look out for each other? To me, those things are much more important than yearning looks etc.

Well, as with many book tropes, they don’t always necessarily translate well into real life. I feel like a tears in his eyes style love declaration would be a bit much on a Thursday night over sausage, mash and beans while the kids bicker over who gets the yellow cup and who has more grated cheese BUT I think deep, devoted love surely exists. If it doesn’t, my husbands a very convincing actor. If he was a cartoon, he’d have hearts in his eyes, the way he looks at me sometimes. He tells me every day how much he loves me, how lucky he feels, how great a mum I am, how much he loves our life together etc, and there’s literally nothing he wouldn’t do for me (well, apart from write sonnets!) so maybe it wouldn’t make it into a great novel, but it’s more than good enough for me 🥰

Ive only ever really observed this kind of love in second marriages. Two people have come out the end of their first marriage that didn’t work out for whatever reason, and are fully clear on what they want second time round. Obviously not all second marriages ! But I have friends who have that immense romantic love second time round

Yes, I've had this in three different relationships, but it's only been one part of each - there have also been arguments, misunderstandings and mundanity!

I feel like this about my partner as well 👍