I want the house. AIBU?

You’ve given yourself away here as really quite nasty.

The money will have nothing to do with his ex. It is for his kids, and he can name whoever he wants to be in charge of it until he is old enough. You are trying to steal money from his kids, not his ex. Nothing will go to the ex. Nothing.

When he pays money into a mortgage, that it is his asset. It isn’t just yours. He has children. His assets go to his children. That is the reality of being with someone who already has kids. You are not priority number one. And he cannot risk his kids being cut out, so he need to protect them in his will.

You are not going to be forced to sell or scrambling about for money. He can leave his half of the home (but your deposit needs to be protected so that isn’t included) to his kids, but give you a life interest or until you sell/remarry/kid turns 18 etc. It means you can continue to live in the house, but whenever it is sold, his half goes to his kids.

You really need to accept that he has kids and he has to protect his assets to leave to his kids because he cannot be sure that you won’t cut them out if you are given everything. And he is right because you seek obsessed with the idea that any money his kids get is going to his “grabby ex” so you will cut them out. She isn’t getting anything.

Nasty piece of work you sound.

When you buy your house you need to make wills immediately. Then no one dies intestate. However if your partner does have dependant children whom he make no provision for in his will - the will can be challenged. The important part is children who are dependents i.e. under 18 (or disabled if adults).
If he dies without a will then any assets of his go to his children no matter their age.
Depending on how the house is purchased joint tennants (always goes to the other tennant) or tennants in common (half ownership to each person), this will then set the course of inheritance.
I strongly suggest you sort this out together before committing to a house, if you cannot agree then stay as you are. In the event your relationship fails you can always go back to living in your own flat!
If you get married obviously the inheritance rules change.
Of course there is also inheritance tax to pay between non married partners (should your estate be worth over whatever is the threshold at the time) which is another thing to think about. (There is no iht between married or civil partners).

Why don't you suggest that he takes a life policy that goes to his children on his death? That way you can still have the house going to you. Personally I wouldn't buy if I thought there was any possibility that I would lose my home.

or

He really shouldn’t be buying anything with this woman as, deposit apart, after years of paying his share of the mortgage, if he dies before this woman, his children get nothing.

(as, indeed, stepmothers can be when they’ve lost their partner)

Please take legal advice.
Write wills.
Will you be getting married/having a civil partnership in future?
If I were your partner I would be buying the house as tenants in common not joint tenants.
In all honesty I wouldn't be buying a house together until you've sorted all your financial wants/needs out.
A PP said your partner needs life insurance to cover the mortgage and a second policy for his children whilst they are under 18 (or 21).
Hope you can sort it out x

Sounds like he has two life insurance needs, one to ensure the mortgage is cleared and you don’t lose the roof over your head (as you will be doing for him) and then a separate one to provide for all 4 of his children as the very minimum.

You get married before buying.

Whatever he pays into the mortgage is his asset. Women are always told to protect their assets when they remarry so their children get it. Woman are always told to own as tenants in common and have a will written so their half goes to their kids.

Why so it different now that a woman is on the other side of it?

If he dies first, then OP can completely cut his kids out. Don’t say it doesn’t happen. Just look at the threads on here from step kids who got nothing. Look at the advice from lawyers about protecting assets.

That house will be his asset once he has put money into it. His money should go to his kids.

I agree with you OP. I think that should one of you die then your home together, which you purchased together, should go entirely to the remaining partner.

When the second one of you dies, assuming that the house hasn’t been sold to pay care fees, it should then be left to the children in whatever divisions you want. I would probably just split it equally between all children.

If the property belonged exclusively to your partner then I would feel differently. But that’s not the case here.

No one who already has kids and get into a new marriage should do what you are suggesting. The new spouse can easily cut the previous kids out completely of their parent dies first.

Read any other thread on here when it’s the OP, a woman, who has the kids and is getting married. ALL the advice she gets tells her to protect her share of the house and leave it to the kids, and the protect her assets so her kids inherit and not the new spouse.

You don’t ever get married without them creating a new will to leave your share of the assets to your kids, because if you die then the new spouse gets everything and cal write a will which cuts your kids out. It’s idiotic to do that. Just look at all the threads on here from step kids saying they’ve been given nothing because their step parent outlived their biological parent and then cut them out the will.

You’re talking absolute nonsense @HouseFair. His ex wouldn’t be able to sue you for anything, there is zero risk here. You’re making stuff up to get your way. She cannot sue for “lost CMS” after he dies. That’s a complete fantasy.

You are joining in with a blended family. You need to accept that he had to protect his children from before you, because if he dies first and you get everything then you can cut his kids out. I have 2 kids and a boyfriend. If we ever live together, he knows that my share will be going to my kids. As it should be.

You need to own the house and tenants in common. With your deposit protected. And the ownership split along the lines of what you each pay into the mortgage. His payments into the mortgage as his asset. When he does, that asset goes to his kids. You keep your half, his kids get his half. Life insurance can pay off the mortgage but he needs to ensure that you don’t then swallow up that part of the equity as yours (seeing as the money only existed because he died, so his kids get his half of that).
He can also write into his will that you have the right to live in the house so you don’t have to sell immediately, but his half won’t ever be yours. It will go to his kids, and it absolutely should. It isn’t yours.

Considering you need a larger house than you personally need for HIS 3 kids, please tell me he will at least be paying a higher proportion of the bills and food? He’s getting a good deal here

The main thing I would consider is whether the property has suffered any issues while it has been sitting empty.
Our current home was abandoned for about three years after a death in the family of the previous owners.
We got the house at a discount knowing there was an issue with the roof.
What we didn’t know was that rats had got into the walls, damaging pipes.
All sorted, but not without time money and stress.
Basically, get a good survey!

"...in the event that he dies first everything goes to me, when I die it then gets split equally between DSS and our two children."

I am sure that, in that situation, that you are the sort of person who would treat all of the children equally.

However, not everyone is like that. Indeed, there was a poster earlier on this thread who was quite adamant that she would never leave anything to any step children.

In the scenario that you mention, there is absolutely nothing to stop you changing your will after your DH dies and disinheriting your DSS. Well, except for any sense of doing what is morally right.

Other posters on this thread mention that they have experience of exactly this thing happening. Surviving spouses do not always treat their step children very well.

@HouseFair it might be worth seeking legal advice in the sense of drawing up wills and covering this point.
My hubbie and I did ours when my DSS was 10 when we were getting married. In the event of my DH death there was a clause in our will that meant his ex wife would get X amount essentially in lieu of any claim she could have on the estate for child maintenance. This clause then dropped off when my DSS turned 18.
in the event that he dies first everything goes to me, when I die it then gets split equally between DSS and our two children.
If we both die at same time equal split, if I go first again it goes to DH and then onto the kids

When you buy the house become ‘tentants in common’ so you both own 50% each. Your 50% will then be left to your children, and he can leave his 50% to all 4 of his. You can also own a higher percentage of the house if you’re the only one putting a deposit down.

owning 50% of the house outright, and not both owning 100% should mean no one can ever remove you from your house, definitely look into it!

Unfortunately, that's a values and priorities disagreement rather than a financial one. You think as his partner you should inherit the assets he builds from here on (the share of your home he will pay for). He wants the assets he builds from here on to go to his children. It's his choice so the object for you is to safeguard your own position from your own resources in the event of his death, because its highly unlikely you'll disaude his from wanting to leave what's his to his DC rather than you.

this is good advice. I know of a family where the wife died, DH quickly remarried then HE died a few years later. The kids they had together were completely disinherited aged 18. Asked to move out of their family home. The new wife (& her kids from a previous relationship) kept the house, everything. So it can happen and simple wills aren't good enough.

But nobody gives a fuck what you’d do, and what your life view is.

Yes could happen, it’s why I said Op would need to honour it and not cut them out of dad’s share or maybe look into a trust funds.

Another2Cats-
yes you’re right- I was thinking of a joint asset like a house usually would stay with the living spouse.

It sounds quite complicated so maybe OP needs to be speaking to a solicitor. It just seems off to me for him to think it’s ok to pull the rug from under OPs feet, if she found herself in the position of having to sell a house up to give to his kids to her detriment… especially so when it’s house they’re purchasing together and she is footing the deposit. I think I would be thinking about his consideration towards the partner left behind and what that says about the relationship.

Team partner here. If I was him, I wouldn't be buying with you and your terms. I want everything I have to go to our children. I also want dp to do the same, so I don't intend to inherit anything if he pre-deceases me. When we buy together, we will have a clause on how long the person gets to stay before a property sale could be forced.