I want the house. AIBU?

That’s not what your OP was about. You didn’t post asking for advice about making everything watertight so the ex couldn’t get the kid’s half of the house if he died. You posted because you don’t want him leaving his half of the house to his kids at all. Which is precisely why he does absolutely need a will because you absolutely will cut his kids out of inheritance if he goes first.

It also has nothing to do with any house you jointly own. She literally cannot come after you for anything after he does and has no control over anything.

this!!!

I think this is what you need to do if he is not willing to put something in place for his children.

You could have a legal agreement that you stay in the house for life/until you sell after his death but this arrangement is often fraught with issues too.

His children could wait many years for their inheritance and there are often issues around maintainance and costs so if you do this, be really careful.

He does need to make sure his children inherit what is his but he’s not doing that so no way would I buy a house with him.

It’s interesting that you’ll ignore every piece of advice that goes against what you thought would happen. Your belief that you can be sued for lost CMS (literally not a thing) and your belief that the ex will control the money or be able to sue you for the house (nope).

The ex doesn’t get anything. You are using fantasy land excuses as a reason to screw some kids out of their inheritance from their dad. That he wants them to have.

I don’t believe that he doesn’t want to make a will. Your whole OP is because he won’t make the will you want as he wants to leave his half to his kids. So he does want to make a will, in their favour. That’s what you’re mad about.

You haven’t listened to anything you’ve been told.

1. The ex will get nothing, she cannot sue you and she will not have control over the children’s inheritance. You have made this problem up in your own head and it simply doesn’t exist.

2. You will not have to sell the house or scramble about for money as the will can be written to allow you to live in it for life (or until you choose to sell). His children get their inheritance from their half when you pass away, or when you choose to sell. You will be allowed to stay there for life. If that’s what you and your partner agree on.

3. That house will not be just your asset. You may provide the deposit, but once you both start paying the mortgage, he does in fact have an asset. Half that house will be his (minus your deposit). He had kids when you met him, why didn’t you even think about what that meant financially? He must protect his assets so his kids get an inheritance and aren’t cut out the will be a step mum who outlives him. Everyone woman in his position who posts on mumsnet is categorically told to protect her half of the house and leave it to her kids, not her new spouse or partner. It is no difference just because he is a man.

"If we bought a house now as joint tenants without additional legal protection, she could (and would) challenge me for half the equity"

No, that really couldn't happen at all.

I really don't understand where you are getting these ideas from. Is this something you have been told by somebody?

Her asset is half any house they buy plus her deposit. She is acting as though the entire house will be her asset and should be hers.

It is not. He has kids. He needs to protect his asset.

I think you’re completely right to protect yourself and your assets. However, it sounds like you have bigger problems in the relationship if he’s unwilling to do something as simple as make a will to protect his children’s inheritance. Is he just completely unwilling to engage with the idea of planning for the inevitable, or is it a matter of intending to be not being arsed?

"But if a parent dies intestate, wouldn’t the remaining parent become a trustee of the children’s money that’s left by the deceased parent?"

If they were still married then the surviving spouse would indeed become the trustee (the term used is 'administrator').

However, they are no longer married and ex-spouses don't count.

The order of who can apply to be administrator when there is no will is

1 Spouse or civil partner
2 Children over 18
3 Parents
4 Siblings
5 Half-siblings
6 Grandparents
7 Aunts/Uncles
8 Half aunts/uncles

so, since he is divorced (I assume?) then he has no spouse, his children are under 18 so they can't do it either.

Next come his parents, if either of them are alive then they get first refusal for administering his estate. After that it would be any of his brothers or sisters.

So, if your DP were to pass away without making a will while his children are under the age of 18 then it would be his parents that would be looking after the money from his estate.

.

"So realistically, anything left to the children without a clear will stating she is not to use it, can be accessed by her."

No, this is totally wrong. An ex-spouse will not get their hands on anything.

I think the only way to get what you want is to own the whole house and not marry. Insurance policies and wills can be changed so even if you agreed now that wouldn’t mean he couldn’t change the beneficiaries in the policies or will later. I also wouldn’t charge him rent (just share of bills) as if you split up he would argue his rent was his contribution to the mortgage and he is owed equity. Same with repairs you would need to pay 100%. He can pay a fair share of other bills. By not paying towards the mortgage or house maintenance or rent then he can invest the money he is saving into an asset for his children. You can leave your house to your child with a right for him to live there. You will obviously then have to be able to fund the whole house costs yourself even during mat leave etc. You don’t sound equal financially and don’t seem to agree on financial responsibility so keeping things separate is probably sensible.

i’m not sure if she could do that.

Like I said earlier in the thread. I don’t think either positions are wrong here…. I get why you would ideally want him to have a policy that leaves you the house and an additional policy for his kids, but he doesn’t want that. I think you have got to accept his position and live with it. As of the posters mentioned there are clearly legal solutions that can protect your half of the house. I’m not convinced what claim the ex-wife would have anyway and this seems to be a bigger issue to you.

I guess one thing you could do is to take out a second policy that will give you an additional sum of money to enable you to buy out the children in the events of him dying you’d have to set it up but you could pay ultimately I think you are going out to make the financial running here.

It is like some others are sad when you meet someone with children it’s complicated if I was in his position as a man with two kids I would want to protect my kids before my new wife. That’s just the way it is particularly when the new wife seems to be financially stronger.

i’d also think this is becoming a bigger issue that it needs to be but you just might have to swallow a solution, that you don’t like

But it’s very hard to see this as a functioning relationship if you’re going to do this

I don’t really see how this would be your problem?

I think I would do the same with letting him rent of you, then he can decide if he wants his children to have something he can get life insurance

He will have assets once he starts paying a mortgage. What don’t you understand here?

His will isn’t just for the next year. It’s for the next 10/15/20 years. He will have an asset by then - half that house (minus your deposit). And it should go to his kids, not you.

He needs to write a will so his share goes to his kids. If he dies the first month and his life insurance pays off the mortgage then his kids will get have of that equity (minus your deposit). Because it’s been paid off using “his” money so you can’t claim it all as yours.

Half that house, whether he pays the mortgage over the next 20 years of his life insurance pays the mortgage if he does, half that goes is his and goes to his kids.

Your OP says he wants to leave his half to his kids, so he does want a will. He just doesn’t want to write the will YOU want.

That’s why he wants to make a will to sort out where his assets go. You’re the one saying you don’t want that because you want the house.

He has dependant kids. You’re not getting his assets. And you shouldn’t get them.

If you don’t like it then don’t move in with him. This is one of the challenges of being with someone who has kids and you should have thought about it. You didn’t need to choose this man.