I want the house. AIBU?

If I was in your position OP I would ensure that I never got married to this man who won't put things into place to protect all his children. And I wouldn't will half the house that you have the deposit for, but he has no assets at all! Your idea of buying the house yourself and he pays you rent makes sense. YANBU

Legal advice is essential and work out a way to safeguard your home if he dies .
Ask him directly what he would like to happen should he die that allows for provision for his children,your child and for you.

Also let me add - you may wish to ensure your share goes to your child, rather than your partner. That way your child gets a half share, whereas if you will your share to your husband, your child will get a smaller share split between all of your partner’s children when he dies (presuming he leaves his estate equally among them).

You need legal advice. You need your deposit ringfenced, but beyond that if you are both contributing to the mortgage on the house going forward, it is only fair that he gets to dispose of his share the way he sees fit, which might well be to split it between his children. If that happened and the house had to be sold you would still have your deposit and your share of the equity to fund somewhere else for you to live. You could also have a legal arrangement whereby you could live in the house until you died, or some other relevant date (like your child turning 21 perhaps).

I don’t think you can reasonably expect him to agree that his children will get no benefit from the major asset you own between you and which he will also be paying towards.

Speak to a lawyer - they will be able to suggest options that protect you both.

Did you miss where I said that you shouldn’t do that?

Your half should be willed to your child (and any future children you may have with him).

Your child shouldn’t have to split your assets with their step siblings. And you don’t need to provide for them. Your asset (you half of the house plus deposit plus anything else) should go to your child. Not his.

One person having the deposit is very very normal. And makes no difference to the other person then owning half the house (minus the deposit) if they pay half the mortgage. It is really very very normal. He will still have an asset.

Her financial security is not at risk. Her deposit will be protected, she won’t lose it. And she will own half the rest of it so will have an asset, and can have the right to live in it for life even if he leaves his half to his kids.

This is all really normal, standard stuff. No one is at risk. That’s the whole point. Your share is protected, your deposit is protected, your right to live there is protected. Your kids inherit your share. As it should be.

But he can only pay into said asset if Op provides the deposit. Which she was seemingly happy to do with some conditions, and he has disregarded.

Im not a man hater at all and I equally think guys who buy with a woman and them having no protection around it are insane too (obviously not for the nuclear family set up).

In Ops position I absolutely wouldn't be putting my financial security at stake, with someone who seems completely reluctant to do any future financial planning. I would buy on my own and he can pay bills/rent. If he doesn't like that he's happy to stay where he is renting (which leaves him in exactly the same financial position he is now), or buy his own place to get his own asset.

Once you pay into a mortgage, you have an asset. They are future planning.

If they buy together and he pays a mortgage for 10 years, he has an asset. It doesn’t all belong to OP, despite her being a woman and this being a man hating forum.

This thread has been done hundreds of times on this forum. And the replies are the total opposite. The only difference is that the woman is usually the one with the kids from a previous relationship, and all the advice is to protect her share of the house and only own as tenants on common so that her half can be left to her kids.

The only difference here is that OP is the woman. So as usual, mumsnetters change their responses based on sex.

This thread has gone mad. He has no assets to leave currently. Anything he's getting is off the back of his partner and then he wants to just leave it to his kids. Screw that for a game of soldiers.

Keep your financial independence and buy the house yourself. If he feels that strongly he can buy his own house on his own (but oh wait. He can't as he has no deposit and is relying on Op). Leave your house in trust to your own child so it can't be split four ways next time. He can make arrangements for his own kids.

No, he wants to die intestate because he can’t be bothered to put provisions in place.

Then why on earth are you even contemplating moving your relationship forward. The man's a muppet!

You would be financially protected. You’d have your half of the asset, and the right to live in it.

Your will shouldn’t leave your half to him either btw. Your half should be left to your child. Not him. You only have one child, so your child should inherit the full share of your assets, including your full share of half the house if you buy together. Leaving him the right to live in the house.

That is how you both protect your assets and ensure they go to your own kids, whilst making sure your partner is protected with the right to live in the house.

He doesn't bring any assets though

82% of people disagree because you’re a woman. And this is mumsnet. So they will always vote against the man and tell you that you should have everything.

Go and search for some threads either the sexes reversed. Where you’d be the man in the situation and he would be the woman with kids. You will see that near to 100% would agree with me - that the parent should protect their asset and leave it to their kids so the new partner doesn’t cut them off.

Also go and search for the threads by step kids who have been cut out and see how mumsnet responds with their opinions on the step parent who took all the assets, and the parent who didn’t plan for it.

You will see a very very different set of replies.

I don’t think you should buy a house together it will cause nothing but problems, as it’s already doing. Ultimately he has no money at all and will be using your money to gain an asset to leave his children. Nothing wrong with wanting to leave his children something we all want to do that, but he had no interest in setting things up for his children before, now that he has a chance using someone else’s money to get on the property ladder he’s all for inheritance.

So you sell your flat and pay deposit for a house. If you die next year the house (all your money for the flat) goes to him? so your child might not see any of this money? he might remarry and leave this all to new women/new kids/ whoever?
why would you do this?

He can agree to insurance policy and a will and change it later, without you even knowing. The best way would be for you to buy into your name only and him paying you some rent.

So you want to charge him rent so neither him or his children get anything, nice one !

That’s just not what parents do.

We’d leave our share of the asset split between all our kids. What you want to do is what is complicating things.

He has 4 kids. His share of the asset will be split between them all, as would any life insurance policy he wanted to have. And he could leave something to you as well if we wanted. But parents with kids from a first relationship are not going to leave their assets to their new spouse, not if they have any sense.

If he won’t do anything and doesn’t bother sorting out wills or finances then I’m not really sure why you’re having a kid with him or choosing him for your life partner. He doesn’t seem the type of person to choose for that.