I want the house. AIBU?

If you bought as joint tenants then the property would pass automatically to you if he died first and vice versa. However, as an estate planner, I would not buy a property with someone who is not willing to put basic protection in place such as life insurance and a Will. His estate would be open to being contested under the Inheritance Act as he has dependents. This would be an absolute no from me and I think you are much better buying your own property.

Also, when you make your own Will, make sure you have your situation documented as he could also possibly claim under the Inheritance Act if he can show he has been financially dependent on you and you don't provide for him in your Will.. You should document you have fronted the deposit and that you are paying the mortgage. Charge him rent and document the fact he is able to financially support himself without your assistance in any way. PM me if you need further guidance.

Why isn’t he sharing the household bills?

tho my stbeh didn’t either. I paid for it all. Yes muggins here

glad you have decided not to buy with him @HouseFair

most mortgagee will want to see proof of life insurance - equally he could cancel it 6mths later and sounds like he might

Well you’re not though are you?

you’re asking him to take out a policy to ensure you remain in sole o ownership of the house and asset, and an additional policy to ensure the previous kids can’t take their dads share off you

now, as you know, I think he ought to suck it up and do it, to keep you happy. But let’s not pretend this is anything other than you wanting to financially gain as much as you can for you and your child. It’s not about equity. Splitting is share of the marital home does that

Hindsight...such a wonderful thing.

Lots of these discussions should have taken place BEFORE deciding to have a baby with a men with completely different outlook to you.

Neither of you is right/wrong but you are polar opposites.

You are right though, best not to buy a home together and work out how to co parent/have a relationship for your child's benefit without living together.

And he (if he wasn’t an idiot) would make all those same calculations. He has 4 children. You are raising one. He’d have life insurance to pay off the house. Half of an £800k house is more than enough for that, your joint child would get 1/4 of his share, his other kids would get 1/4 each of his share as well. You’d have plenty to raise your joint child, and that child would have their own pile of money when they hit 18. I’d also have insurance set up to give extra as they are are young right now.
But he isn’t doing that. He won’t do anything. He sounds like an idiot. So, he was the wrong guy to choose really. But if he had been right right guy who sorted life insurance, then his way of willing the house would be the correct way. Yours isn’t.

When you’re on the other side of it and you have the child, remember that.

You’re sacrificing your child growing up with both parents on this alter. What seems very much cutting off your nose to spite your face.

it’s probably best you don’t buy. Because this is the tip of the iceberg. You don’t sound like the sort of person who can honestly be in a blended family of this extent. This before your own has even come along. It’ll only get worse

I’m talking about you. If you ever end up in a new, serious relationship.

You don’t leave your asset to a new partner when you have kids from a previous relationship.

The fact is @HouseFair that the way you are suggesting doing it just simply isn’t how it is done when there are kids from a previous relationship. You might not like it, but it’s just not how it is done. There is too much risk of those kids being cut out.

The way it is done means everyone is kept safe and secure. The only reason it won’t work here is because you’ve got with an idiot who won’t get life insurance. You picked the wrong man.

If this works out, great, but it sounds like it won’t because he doesn’t sound like a keeper. If you go on to a new relationship and buy a home with someone, please please try legal advice about protecting your assets for your kid.

Genuine question: If you had a child (or three) from a previous relationship, would you be gifting an fully paid up £800k house to your boyfriend upon your death to raise just one of your children in?

In a nuclear set up, it’s actually more likely to be safe to do it your way. Because then they won’t he a step parent cutting out your biological kids.

The way you want to do it means biological kids from a previous relationship can (and are) cut out. There isn’t always a lot of assets beyond a home, most people who do get life insurance just get enough to cover the house and a small amount more.

The house would be his asset. He can leave it to his kids.

If you go and move in with a new man at any point, please do not leave the house to him. Leave your share of any house to your children. And for god’s sake, speak to a solicitor because someone needs to knock this sense into you.

If you read the thread of that topic I was saying to a PP that you don’t HAVE to have life insurance but you do have to insure the asset 🤦‍♀️

I think I probably wouldn’t ever marry until all children involved are adults.

You aren't married and have no intention of getting married, you have absolutely no rights to dictate why your partner does with his half of a shared asset, it isn't and won't ever be a marital asset, you are just two people owning a house together.

No one with existing children would gift their portion of a house to their girlfriend over their kids, the "fair" thing is for him to leave it to all his dependents equally.

Anyone saying that is unfair only cares about themselves.

You also do not leave money to whoever is going to raise your child. You leave it to the child.

And why would he have his ex as a beneficiary? He would will his share of the house and any cash/policies he has to his children. Not to his ex.

You’re just showing how little you know.

You’re about to be a parent. Go and find out this stuff.

If your house is worth £300k he needs to insure himself for £600k - then you can pay off the mortgage if he dies and his kids get £100k each.

Your deposit is then protected and mortgage paid off as expected as if he wasnt bringing any children into the relationship (financially speaking)

Life insurance with a mortgage isn’t mandatory.

Your plan(s) sound sensible OP, not stupid. DP sounds like a passenger expecting you to do all the driving. You’re not his parent. Imagine taking out a life insurance policy for him, and paying for it, because he doesn’t want to. You’ll be expected to wipe his arse next.

Bit of parental responsibility and future proofing finances from him would make all the difference. Really quite simple actions too. You’re not asking for the moon OP.

Stick to your guns, and good luck xx

I am always astonished at people who let their partner impregnate them when they clearly don’t yet know them properly….!

It’s bit just about money to raise them through childhood. If you buy a house with someone, and will it the way you suggest then your child won’t inherit anything as an adult. Maybe some cash if you have any, but the house would go to your spouse. If they remarry, and then die, the house that you paid for will go to some random woman far removed from you. And your kid would get nothing. They might not be a child anymore but most of us would want the asset we paid into, to go to our adult child. Rather than risk it going to a new spouse of our partner or being lost in a divorce.

But you’re not a parent yet, or you’ve onto got a young baby? And you’ve never been faced with the possibility of the situation. Maybe just take the advice from those of us who have.

Your idea of how to will the house is just really not how it’s done, for a reason. Not when you’ve got kids. Think about it much more carefully if the time ever does come.

That’s not what I’m saying. You are supposed to have buildings insurance when you have a mortgage - the bank owns the home, what if it burns down? Not linked to the mortgage as such. It is in the T&C of the contract