Page 16 | I want the house. AIBU?

DisappointedofMeryton · 02/04/2026 18:50

Why should his kids get half of a house their father wouldn't own but for the capital being put down by the OP? If he's that desperate to leave them an inheritance, why doesn't he buy somewhere in his own name? I'll take a wild guess - he can't afford to, and never could afford to without the OP's capital and her payment of half (if not more) of the mortgage. OP, just don't get financially tied up with this man, it will end in you losing out, I can guarantee it.

carnivalcat · 02/04/2026 18:49

HouseFair · 02/04/2026 18:28

This is what I don’t like and I’m not sure if I’m being unfair. I don’t want to have to leave my home to pay off his children. I feel like he should build assets separately or take out insurance if he wants to leave money to them. Our home, bought by us two, should go to the survivor.

I’m aware that if I die first, that’d probably mean he’d split it all 4 ways eventually. But I’m planning on having other assets and insurance to protect my child.

Show quote history

You wouldn’t have to leave your home to pay off his children. You would be entitled to the home until your passing, at which point, his share would be split according to his will, and your share would be split according to your will.

If this relationship doesn’t work out, and you find a new man to buy a home with, would you be happy for your share to go to him? Or would you want to ensure that your share goes to your child/ren eventually?

Changingplace · 02/04/2026 18:45

Listlostlast · 02/04/2026 18:17

I think this seems fair. Can’t blame him for wanting to protect his assets/an inheritance for his children.

Show quote history

Depends if he’s matching OPs deposit for the house, if he’s not then his assets are considerably less anyway.

FairKoala · 02/04/2026 18:44

madwomanintheatticc · 02/04/2026 18:10

Your deposit ringfenced.

Then his remaining 50% in trust to his kids, yours to you and your child.

Deposit ringfenced as a percentage

nevernotmaybe · 02/04/2026 18:44

zantez · 02/04/2026 18:22

Why do you need to buy, and why are the proceeds from your flat being used for deposit? Is your DP bringing anything to the table here, apart from demands about his kids' inheritance?

Stay as you are, keep your flat as security. No one knows what's round the corner and life can throw a lot of curve balls. You could rent a bigger house for when junior arrives....

Yea, im sure their joint mortgage isnt based on his income as well, and im sure he isnt' paying a penny towards the mortgage payments . . . . . . .

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 02/04/2026 18:43

Catcatcatcatcat · 02/04/2026 18:09

Are you legally protecting the large deposit you will be making for the house?

I would be tempted to continue renting tbh.

This… completely , make sure you ring fence your deposit asap…x

CarlaLemarchant · 02/04/2026 18:38

HouseFair · 02/04/2026 18:28

This is what I don’t like and I’m not sure if I’m being unfair. I don’t want to have to leave my home to pay off his children. I feel like he should build assets separately or take out insurance if he wants to leave money to them. Our home, bought by us two, should go to the survivor.

I’m aware that if I die first, that’d probably mean he’d split it all 4 ways eventually. But I’m planning on having other assets and insurance to protect my child.

Show quote history

So how do you plan on ensuring his kids inherit if he leaves everything to you?

DancingNotDrowning · 02/04/2026 18:38

Do not focus on wills - these can be changed.

concentrate on ownership of the property and a mortgage insurance (not a policy where the beneficiary can be changed)

YourLoyalPlumOP · 02/04/2026 18:37

HouseFair · 02/04/2026 18:05

I feel like this might be controversial…

My boyfriend and I are buying a house. We have been together three years and I’m pregnant! Happy surprise. I own a flat but we live together in a rented house as he has three older kids so my flat isn’t big enough for us all. I’m selling it to provide the deposit on the house.

Part of the mortgage discussion is on life insurance. I have told him I want mirror policies in place which pay off the mortgage which leave the house in the surviving person’s name. He seems reticent about this and I think it’s because he thinks it should be left to his kids.

AIBU?

Oh

id be very unhappy with this if I was him to be fair

Lucycurly · 02/04/2026 18:37

Lorenzo86 · 02/04/2026 18:22

Helpful! 🙈

Show quote history

The OP seems surprised that a parent would want their children to inherit from them

klimala · 02/04/2026 18:37

If this was the other way around and you had three children from a previous relationship, would you be happy for your partner to get the house and potentially leave the children with nothing.

WinterSunglasses · 02/04/2026 18:36

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 02/04/2026 18:10

Don’t sell your flat!

This. Keep your flat.

Orangemintcream · 02/04/2026 18:36

Didntask · 02/04/2026 18:34

You could have a lifetime interest, so if he goes first, his half is left for his children but you get to live there until you die/want to leave.

Show quote history

Yes I think my Uncle and Aunt did this as he has a child from a previous marriage. She lived there many years after he died until she also passed. After that his share went to his daughter and hers to her son.

Didntask · 02/04/2026 18:34

HouseFair · 02/04/2026 18:28

This is what I don’t like and I’m not sure if I’m being unfair. I don’t want to have to leave my home to pay off his children. I feel like he should build assets separately or take out insurance if he wants to leave money to them. Our home, bought by us two, should go to the survivor.

I’m aware that if I die first, that’d probably mean he’d split it all 4 ways eventually. But I’m planning on having other assets and insurance to protect my child.

Show quote history

You could have a lifetime interest, so if he goes first, his half is left for his children but you get to live there until you die/want to leave.

firstofallimadelight · 02/04/2026 18:32

So you are footing a deposit so he can live in a larger house with his kids but if he dies next year you and your joint child will be homeless ?
Easy solution don’t put him on the mortgage and he pays you rent.

Bollixtothat · 02/04/2026 18:31

HouseFair · 02/04/2026 18:28

This is what I don’t like and I’m not sure if I’m being unfair. I don’t want to have to leave my home to pay off his children. I feel like he should build assets separately or take out insurance if he wants to leave money to them. Our home, bought by us two, should go to the survivor.

I’m aware that if I die first, that’d probably mean he’d split it all 4 ways eventually. But I’m planning on having other assets and insurance to protect my child.

Show quote history

His inheritance should go to his children because if it goes to you, you will leave it to your children and his three will get nothing? That is probably his concern

Bollixtothat · 02/04/2026 18:29

Keep your flat and save up to buy a house together? How old are his children and how long have you been living together?

Original poster

HouseFair · 02/04/2026 18:28

BlueMum16 · 02/04/2026 18:07

Could it be his half to all 4 kids but with you being able to live there until you meet someone's/move out?

You then leave your half to your DC with him being able to live there?

We are doing similar with our home.

This is what I don’t like and I’m not sure if I’m being unfair. I don’t want to have to leave my home to pay off his children. I feel like he should build assets separately or take out insurance if he wants to leave money to them. Our home, bought by us two, should go to the survivor.

I’m aware that if I die first, that’d probably mean he’d split it all 4 ways eventually. But I’m planning on having other assets and insurance to protect my child.

OP posts:

pepayfelix · 02/04/2026 18:28

What possible advantage is there for you in buying a house with him? I would just continue to rent. Do not sell your flat!

endofthelinefinally · 02/04/2026 18:28

Huge mistake OP. Keep your flat and your independence.
Just read the relationships and step parenting boards on here.

Original poster

HouseFair · 02/04/2026 18:25

Catcatcatcatcat · 02/04/2026 18:09

Are you legally protecting the large deposit you will be making for the house?

I would be tempted to continue renting tbh.

Yes, it’s going to be protected.

OP posts:

BeeCucumber · 02/04/2026 18:25

Don’t sell your flat. What will happen when you have your baby and are on maternity leave? Will you become default parent for all the DC. How will you pay the mortgage on one salary? So many factors to take into consideration before you jump into buying a house with a man with 3 DC.

Lorenzo86 · 02/04/2026 18:22

Lucycurly · 02/04/2026 18:06

Great start. Probably would have been wise to have had this chat way before now

Helpful! 🙈

zantez · 02/04/2026 18:22

Why do you need to buy, and why are the proceeds from your flat being used for deposit? Is your DP bringing anything to the table here, apart from demands about his kids' inheritance?

Stay as you are, keep your flat as security. No one knows what's round the corner and life can throw a lot of curve balls. You could rent a bigger house for when junior arrives....

Goodadvice1980 · 02/04/2026 18:20

I really wouldn’t sell your place OP.

You need proper legal advice OP, as this type of situation is fraught with issues.