I want the house. AIBU?

You are thinking too short term. He doesn’t have anything to contribute right now. But if you buy this house and he contributes financially for the next 25/30/40 years (not sure how old you are) then dies and his children get nothing? If I were him, I’d not be happy with this arrangement either.

It will also be their house though, even if they live there part time.

I think you should both shelve the idea of buying together for a while.

You can’t sue someone for cms! Does he have life insurance ? With 4 children he reallly needs something? How does a grown man with three children already not have any savings whatsoever? You should only buy a house together when you are married and can afford it. Keep your flat and rent it out as financial stability for you and your child. If you got pregnant by accident then you’ve no guarantee this relationship will last.

Great. Three kids
4th on the way

and not a penny to his name

It's normal to leave your money to your children. Buying with a non-family member is problematic. I probably wouldn't do it. If you are putting down a large deposit, you need to make sure he matches your deposit.

This 100%

The way I understand it the insurance and inheritance are two separate things. You can ring fence your deposit but his share of the equity that builds up afterwards should be split between all his kids.

Couldnt there be two life insurance policies? One for the mortgage amount that goes to you and one to pay his ex an amount to cover their care?

Lovely

Be wary of a lifetime interest. Step children can be vicious when they've lost their parent and want their inheritance.

If you were the mother of the three children, how would you feel about the situation then? I’m guessing you would want your children’s inheritance protecting? Why do you think his first three children should get nothing?

I think you need to book an appointment with a solicitor and get proper wills drawn up to cover this kind of eventuality. It would make sense to me that your half of the house goes to your child and your DPs half gets split 4 ways, with some kind of proviso in there that you get to stay in the house until your death or you move someone else in.

Is your partner putting down similar amounts for a deposit? As you are selling a flat as a deposit that money is obviously yours and should be protected in the will and be solely part of your estate, to be passed on to only your child. That should also written into some kind of legal document so the deposit is protected.

If I were you I would see what life insurance would cost to cover you both for all or most of what you bo to want - which is the mortgage paid off and the kids paid a lump sum equivalent to the value of half the house with a bit of padding for inflation. If you are relatively young, the cost of insurance might be quite affordable. Get a quote and go from there. You take out the policy to cover him and vice versa. That way there can’t be a change of beneficiary.

His primary financial obligation should be to his children. Wanting to leave them everything shows he is a good man. This is why it is so complicated when people have second families. If you were the mother of all his children, he could trust that you would care for all of his children and simply leave the money to you. He can’t do that though. The money needs to go directly to them.

So he dies, you get the entire house and pass it all on to your sole child. His kids get no inheritance despite what he puts into the house for the next 30 years. He has a point.

He needs to leave his half to ALL of his kids, maybe a small portion to you so you retain the primary possession. You do the same for your child.

You're absolutely spot on to want this.

And he really doesn't want to be in a place where stepmother takes all and kids get naught

I’d want to leave to my children too. He’s certainly not being unreasonable. It would be a deal breaker for me, and I wouldn’t buy with you. When I bought with my ex, we had a tenants in common mortgage and I left my share to my eldest child (didn’t have the younger then).

Agree protect deposit, is buying a house in your interests? Have you discussed how you will splits bills, pay for maternity? The flat is your security. Really think about whether this is a secure choice. Good luck 🍀🍀🍀

Keep the flat and the rental income as fall back in case things go wrong. Yes I'm sceptical, seen it all before.
I think what's more important to look at is if you did have a joint mortgage, in the event of death, it goes to the other person automatically, not their children. Make sure you have a joint mortgage and not 'tenants in common'. However, if you are ring fencing your deposit, you probably have a 'tenants in common' mortgage. Hmm, I'd get legal advice if I was you or just not do it.

Wow
so you want to protect your child
yet your pissed off that he wants to do the same for his

That's the problem second time round.

He's not unreasonable to want to leave an inheritance to his kids.

You're not unreasonable to want to maintain your housing security in the event of his death and an inheritance for your dc.

Because you’re unmarried and he already has children the situation is complex. I’d see a good solicitor to work things out. If you died would you want all of your share of the house to go to your boyfriend and not your own child ?

My mom and her husband have a tenants in common arrangement on their home.
If one dies,the other will remain there ( if they wish) until they pop their clogs.
They did this a mom hade enough equity to buy her 50% share of the house and her now husband didn't so he had a mortgage.
He had also said he was leaving his private pension to his children and not his ( now) wife,so I think my mom did the right thing to safeguard her assets.

Really? But he isn’t providing the deposit and presumably a fair chunk of his current income will be used to support his children as they grow up, meaning that the OP is already losing out by subsidising HIS family.

I think the OP is right and that if he wants to leave his children an inheritance, he needs to take out a separate life insurance policy with them as the beneficiaries.

I'd keep the flat for rental income. You may be reliant on that if you don't want to go back to work full time after the baby comes. Passive income is a godsend when kids are little.