I want the house. AIBU?

I don’t think they should marry at all. OP is stronger financially and he would be entitled to 50% of everything then!!

The house is yours and your partners, not the children's. If one of you dies the house belongs solely to the other person to do with as they wish. You can stay in it, move house, downsize for retirement to release money, use it to pay for care in your old age. Whatever you choose.
If he's concerned about leaving his children something upon his death he can take out life insurance with them as the beneficiaries.

Are you financially able to get the mortgage for the house on your own? With his current mindset this would be my preference, or just continue renting for the time being and keep your flat as your security.

If youre paying the deposit you should just pay all the mortgage and own 100%.

He should leave his assets to his kids - that's fair. Maybe he can buy a rental.

But you should safeguard your housing and own your home 100% if you can afford to

Oh god, don’t risk yours and your child’s financial security for a man you have known for 3 years, who has no money and no assets plus comes with three additional dependents.

Keep your apartment and continue to rent with him. With this sort of setup you need a fast and easy exit plan. Not many people are happy to live with someone else's three children, especially not after having their own first baby.

Yes, you are being grossly unreasonable.

TAKE YOUR FLAT OFF THE MARKET. DO NOT SELL IT TO PROVIDE THE DEPOSIT.

Save up together and provide a joint deposit for a house that you own 50:50 as tenants in common with a joint mortgage. Do NOT become joint tenants. That way he can leave his half of the house to you, his kids or the Dogs Trust and you can do the same, but the flat (that you rent out in the meantime) is always yours.

Has he proposed that your deposit is safeguarded and some solution for how that works? If he hasn’t “seen” your contribution and seem to recognise it properly but is counting the pounds of his kids inheritance off the back of being able to buy with you then that should tell you all you need to know about how he will be with money. If he hasn’t mentioned safeguarding the unborn child that too tells you a lot. You need to properly listen when men tell you who they are.

This.

He is absolutely right to want to protect “his” for his own children.

You aren’t wrong to want to keep it.

But those two things do not co-exist.

So you get a good solicitor.

Protect your deposit.

Buy as tenants in common so you both own a share, maybe 50:50 or something different if you think you should.

Your half is always yours and no one can claim on it. His half is his too.

You then make wills to deal what happens in the evening of your death. His split between 4 kids but always you to continue to live there for whatever time is agreed - usually until you remarry.

If you buy as joint tenants then his half goes to you or yours to him.

It could mean his half goes to you and his 3 existing children get nothing as your new partner gets everything.

You need legal advice and a proper conversation before you buy a house and move in together. It would have been better before choosing to have a child with him.

You really shouldn’t be buying anything with this bloke.

The thing is that, unless one of you is already terminally ill or something, who goes first is a lottery and, in the nicest possibly way, hopefully you both go before any of your kids. It doesn't seem fair that either if you should happen to go first, his children could benefit when he dies, but your child might not because he could chose to leave your child out, but if he happened to die first you could cut all of kids off in favour of your child.

If you’re paying the deposit then it should just be in your name. Wills can be changed.

I had an elderly relative who married for the second time later in life. She bought a house with her money (he had none) and he insisted that it be in joint names. They agreed mirror wills splitting the house between all of their children equally, with a life interest for the survivor. He then changed his will behind her back, leaving his half to his kids only. He died, she had to sell the house and didn’t have enough left by that point to buy again and pay for the care she needed.

So he’s not got a penny towards this house but expects it to go to his kids?? is he able to pay equally to the mortgage?
Personally, I’d be keeping your flat and tell him he’ll need to save up if he wants to buy.

I’d be incredibly wary of buying a house with a man that is contributing nothing towards the deposit. You are completely right here - you’re paying the mortgage but don’t get the house if he dies? This would be a deal breaker for me.

Also, you know he can cancel or change the beneficiary of the insurance policy without you knowing about it? This happened to my SIL and obviously she only found out once her partner passed.

Just read your post to my husband to get his perspective and he said ‘absolutely no way’ if you are not buying the property as joint tenants don’t buy together at all.

Because he's going to contribute to the asset over time? So his 'share' should go to his kids when he dies.
we have an arrangement of this type and there is a clause in the will about when one party needs to release the funds to the children of the other party. If either of us dies when the kids are still young we don't have to release the funds until the youngest is 30 years old.

As I see it, the DP has no assets or savings so the only way he can leave something to his kids is to piggy back on OP's deposit and combine their earnings to get a mortgage. Not a level playing field at all IMO.

I'm curious to know why they don't just rent a decent property between them with room for all four kids. He can take out life assurance to have something to leave his kids and the child to be born, and OP will have her flat for their child.

That would work as long as they remain unmarried.

I wouldn't ring fence the deposit as an absolute value. I would ringfence it as a percentage of purchase/selling price. Due to inflation, the assumption is that the value of your deposit in real terms reduces by 50% every 20 years.

Possibly mirror wills where remainder of house cost left 50% in trust to his children and 50% to you and your children. Right to live there until surviving partner death, remarriage or moving out. Complications arise if you need care as your 50% could be eaten up by care costs, leaving your child with nothing. You may want to factor this in with the wills so that your child/his children are not disadvantaged disproportionately by care costs for one parent.

Have you considered getting married?

Oh dear

If he's going to be paying half the mortgage from now on then of course some of the value should go down to all his kids eventually. Provided the deposit has been properly recognised this just seems unarguable?

Otherwise there's a prospect of him putting in money for years only for it all to eventually go to only one of his children. Apart from anything else that will hardly be great for relations between the half-siblings.

Without your sacrifice, he’d have shit all. Don’t sell your flat (divorcing a greedy fucker who leeched off me and now wants more than he ever put in).

Oh he’s probably on minimum wage. If he’s even employed that is.

I totally see why you don’t want to have to sell if he dies. But also why he wants to leave assets to his DC. It sounds like you could both do with insurance on the house and separate insurance to cover kids’ needs until you have enough separate assets to provide reasonably for all.

But presumably he’ll be contributing to the mortgage/bills/upkeep if you buy a house rather than renting so then there is inheritance there.

The only fair way is for your deposit to be ring fenced with the remainder split according to contribution towards the house. He can then split his 4 ways and you can do as you please with yours. And also add a clause that you stay in the house if he dies.

If you won’t agree to that I wouldn’t be buying with you tbh, it’s unfair to freeze out the kids if their dad has spent 10/20/30 years paying towards a house.

This has shit show stamped all over it. Such a shame a fourth child is about to enter the mess

No you can’t buy a house together if he has no deposit. Keep the flat, it’s to risky for you. I have children and would not move anyone into our home. The house is for them. You need to rent privately together.