I want the house. AIBU?

OP please don't sell your flat. Just don't.

Keep things as they are for now and reassess when your child is 5, if you're still together.

Quite. All this talk about him protecting his assets. He wouldn't have any assets without OP 😆

"But he’s renting so right now there is no inheritance that way."

But what happens after he has been living with you, and contributing to the mortgage and family costs for the next 30 years?

I also assume that his income is being taken into account when the bank is working out if you can afford the mortgage?

Are you really going to disregard all of that?

As so many others have said, a fair split would be to get a Deed of Trust that says that you are entitled to a certain percentage of the house based on how much deposit you put down.

Eg, if you're buying a house for £500k and you're putting down a £100k deposit (which is 20%) then you get back 20% of the value of the house if/when it is ever sold, and then the remaining value is split depending on how you each paid the mortgage and contributed to the household expenses.

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"My fear is that he’d die, and his ex would sue me for lost CMS or something"

Oh please, you cannot be serious about this! I refuse to believe that you could think something as incredibly wrong as this.

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"I’d have to give up my child’s home whilst in mourning to give a payout to his kids."

No, you wouldn't. This is why people go to a solicitor to get their will written. A properly written will, will allow you to live in the property (and even sell it and buy another property) for as long as you want, until you die.

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"I don’t see why they have to be given our home."

Wow, I'm really suprised that you're referring to it as "our" home. In reality, you you think of it as "my" home and you are objecting to to him sharing your life.

That's totally up to you, if you don't want him to contribute to and share in your life financially, then that is totally your perogative.

However, you can't then complain if he chooses not to contribute to the mortgage or your family expenses beyond what would be proportionate and then prioritise all of his children, not just the one he shares with you.

Either ring fence your deposit or don't sell your flat! See how things work out when baby is born before making a big decision like this. You need to protect yourself and your little person! Good luck @HouseFair!

OP wouldn’t do herself any favours whatsoever getting married in this scenario, she’s currently financially stable and would simply be handing over 50% of her property to a man with no assets whatsoever.

In fact I’d be very wary OP, what’s the betting he suddenly gets all romantic and let’s get married with a baby on the way? In this scenario OP would be best not married at all.

I imagine because they need a joint mortgage to afford the new property.

Why? She is far more solvent than he is!

Well, presumably he wants to have a share in the house for the same reason that everybody else has when they decide to buy a house: a share in an asset that is growing in value with all the security that brings. Presumably he will be sharing the mortgage payments and his earnings are being taken I to account when the lender assesses how much they can borrow?

It's a reasonably straightforward business (providing they don't get married) to write into the contract that she retains a percentage of the value of the house which represents ts the money for the deposit which she provided and the rest is split between them - perhaps on the basis of how they split the mortgage payments

This!

This. Keep it as your nest egg and don’t combine money until you’re married.

If you write up wills he can leave his share between his 4 children but with your having a 'life time interest' in the property. In other words, they wouldn't get their shares until you die.

You are both right and that way honours that. Of course you need to protect the roof over your and your child's heads. Of course he can't disinherit his first children in future.

I think you and he should be the immediate beneficiaries of each other's life insurance though, so the mortgage would be paid off iif needed. If he is providing financially for his other kids (I hope so!) he probably needs to look into an alternative provision for them.
He should probably speak to an insurance broker.

Will his first kids inherit from mum?

If you can't agree, I'd hold back, keep renting, and keep your flat as your security foe you and your child.

I don't understand why if he has nothing to contribute to the deposit he is getting a share in the house? Why doesn't he just pay you rent which you put towards the mortgage with the house in your name alone? He is basically getting a part of a house that he is only effectively paying bills/rent for - he would be paying that anyway if he were renting, which he would have to since he has no savings towards a deposit.

@HouseFair this is so messy. You don't have to buy a property with someone just because of an accidental pregnancy.

Is your flat let out? Or is it sat empty?

Are your incomes similar? How are the rent and household bills divided?

Just trying to piece together your current situation really.

I'd be extremely wary of buying a house with someone who has zero savings and no way in hell would I sell a property in my sole name to fund the deposit.

I can foresee so many problems for you in the future.

In this situation this is a terrible idea, OP would literally be giving him half of the investment on her flat currently owns when he’s bringing £0 to the table.

My wife and I both have kids (not with each other) and made mirror wills. Our kids get our pensions but the surviving spouse gets the estate. When the surviving spouse dies their estate is divided equally: 50% to each set of kids.

In the event, my wife died and I fell out for a while with her children, because they felt that they should have got all of her estate, as well as her pension (which was a hefty sum). It all got sorted in the end, but it has left a bitter taste in my mouth and the very close relationship that I had with them has never fully recovered.

If I had any advice, I would say that you should both come to a mutual decision and that decision should be shared with everyone involved (including making copies of the will available to everybody), so that no-one gets a shock in the event of an untimely death. The more money there is involved, the greater potential there is for fallings out

His half of the equity, he currently has nothing to contribute to the deposit and no assets.

He’s a CF talking about inheritance for his kids which won’t exist without OPs deposit for a house he’d never own otherwise.

Why should she have to move out of her house that she is/will be paying for?

That’s not how it works.

His half belongs to them but you have life long right to remain. They can’t kick you out, you can move etc, all perfectly normal and thankfully he is thinking about his kids!

Literally.
Why on earth are you getting financially tied to someone like that? He has everything to win and nothing to lose and he has the cheek to make demands?

Are you absolutely out of your mind?
He has 3 children and he's renting.
Why would you put yourself and your home at risk.
Christ, he doesn't own a pot to pee in and he's already trying to shaft you.

Go back to your apartment and raise your child there.
Have a bit of sense and self preservation.
Why would you put yourself and your housing security at such risk?

Buy the house yourself and let him rent rooms from you with a rental agreement.
If it doesn't work out, he moves out.

Wake up and don't be so foolish as to put your money at risk.

If this went sideways, and it got messy and went to court, would a judge throw him and his 3 children out?
It could be so so messy.
Don't do it.
You barely know him.
You are being sucked into a big house, the costs, maintenance of it all for 4 children.

You don't need this expense with just a baby.

He must be thrilled at your naivety.

You do know if you buy a house and the deposit is yours and you sell the house and seperate you lose your deposit, you are happy and in love but you need a deed of covenent done legaly to say the deposit is yours,

How far are you with selling the flat OP?
I wouldn’t do anything now until everything is clear and watertight.
A lot of people made a very important point - some documents can be changed e.g Will without other party knowing it, so think about it.
It is not clear what your partner is contributing to the purchase but it seems that you can get a house without him but he can’t get a house without you. He probably left the previous house to his ex wife so in a way he got something for his children. Your flat and all your future assets should be for your child.

Then he leaves his share to his kids, with a clause stating that you be allowed to live in it until you die or choose to sell.

In your scenario he could pay of half the mortgage just for you to disinherit his children if he dies first... he would have to be mad to agree to that.

can you buy the house just in your name?
I wouldn't want to be financially tied to a man who has 3, nearly 4 children and no assets.

Stay where you are. Don't sell.
You've got assets and he doesn't. Until you've resolved this you need to be secure. If that's forever then that's fine.