I want the house. AIBU?

My SIL insisted her DH get seperate insurance for his kids to 'inherit' and refused to move forward with a purchase until he agreed.

She's quite brutal about money and said there was no way she'd risk losing her home, or having her step DC's DM have a say in anything she did go it. Or if she wanted to move she'd lose a lot of the equity and not be able to buy again, if something happened.

It's been 15 years & they've now got over a million in equity & similar in pensions. A lot to lose.

Doesn’t sound like he can afford the three he’s got while another is on the way. He sounds like a freeloader and you’re now going to be responsible for housing 5 people.

I wouldn’t buy with him, I’d stay in the flat with the baby and he comes when he’s not with his kids until he’s built up his own share of a deposit: doesn’t sound like he’ll manage that tbh.

I think you are being a touch unrealistic about being part of a blended family OP. He will be paying towards the mortgage etc so if he wasn’t able to leave something to his kids he’d be cutting them out entirely for the sake of his new family. Which is unfair and will have a lasting effect on them.

Theres something no one has touched on yet. There is a known phenomenon when you are pregnant that being protective of your own unborn child translates to rejection and defensiveness towards stepchildren. It’s biological - animals kill previous offspring (yikes!). I struggled with my partner buying anything for my much loved stepdaughter, I felt he was wasting money that our child needed.

I obviously didn’t say anything and it went away after birth. Just something to be aware of as it might be affecting how you feel.

You do need to protect yourself. I would say ring fence deposit, agreement that you stay in house until youngest child is 20, with his share is spilt four ways then. In 20+ years time you can either buy them out or downsize - you’ll have 20 years to get your head around it .

Also be aware that his kids may have a claim on the house regardless and even if rejected it will take up $ in lawyers fees.

"Buy the house yourself and let him rent rooms from you with a rental agreement."

I must admit, I don't think that I've ever heard anything quite as crazy as this.

Insisting that the father of your child can only live in the same house as you as a lodger.

If the relationship between the OP and her DP is so poor that she insists on treating him as a lodger then that is not a sustainable situation to be bringing up a child in.

Your probably buying a much bigger expensive house than you would need if it was just you and your baby and DP

i would be wanting to ring fence my deposit and more to take into account that you don’t need a 4 /5 bed house

your accommodating 4 extra people to just yourself and your own DC

personally I think your an idiot if you do this
he’s really the only person who benefits from this deal
you actually stand to lose a lot even if you protect your deposit

What percentage of the deposit is he providing, or is it all coming from you?
Can you mortgage your flat and use the equity in it to provide a deposit for the new house but keep your flat and rent it out to cover the mortgage payments?
Regarding a situation where he dies, I would suggest he takes out a life insurance policy to the value of his share in the house which is payable to his children in equal parts upon his death.
You could do the same. I wouldn’t bother with a clause in my will which states I’m allowed to live in my own home until I meet someone else, his kids could be waiting years for you to pop your clogs so they can have their inheritance.
Whatever you do, protect your deposit with a deed of trust, the solicitor will do this for you and it means if you split and the house needs to be sold, your deposit will come back to you and he can’t claim it as part of the equity.

She doesn't. Legal advice will give her a lifetime right to live there or until she remarried. She is only buying half a half. He is buying the other half.

It’s interesting on how negatively you speak about his kids. Clearly not a blended family yet dad is having another baby 🙈 his poor kids

Agree with this poster.

OP you are treating your child’s half siblings very ‘other’ and separate. Not a great start. Also unfair they will get nothing from their Dads house in due course. They were there before you and your DC. Second you decided to have a child together sorry but you do have a duty of some level to all the DC in the equation otherwise you could have held off and had a wee one with a man without kids.

You’d be better renting and keeping your flat. It’s clear what’s yours is yours and what will be his you also want to be yours? Joint wills are a good option but sounds like you want nothing you build together to go to his existing DC. Pretty grubby if so.

Yes he should take out 2 seperate polices but also you should make a will. Because if he does first and you get everything then when you die his children that aren’t yours wouldn’t be entitled to any share of inheritance.

I am wondering why you think his ex may sue you for CMS ... is he not financially supporting his children? If not, why not?

Doesn't sound much of a keeper

In Australia there is 2 ways to put a house in 2 names. One way if one person dies it automatically goes to the other person. Doesn’t go through the will or anything. The other way it doesn’t and you can leave your share to whoever you like.

i would tell him he needs to leave the house to you, and to purchase a separate life insurance policy that he can leave for his kids.

Op your not married are you sure you want to sell up to provide the deposit what’s he putting in. If it’s a joint mortgage it goes to you he has to find something else to leave them. Op life insurance if for the person left behind to carry on paying for everything it’s nothing to do with his kids unless they were solely yours but even then it’s you then dc. It’s like you said he hasn’t got anything right now but he thinks because your buying together his kids have a claim they certainly don’t.

Fuck around and find out.. you did. I wouldn’t sell my house to find that your asset gets given to his other kids.

"...you’re paying the mortgage"

Why do you make that assumption?

Much more likely is that the DP's salary is needed for the mortgage. I would guess that it is likely that the OP would not be able to afford this mortgage without her DP's income.

"...he said ‘absolutely no way’ if you are not buying the property as joint tenants don’t buy together at all."

I would totally disagree with this from the DP's point of view. He could spend the next 30 years paying an equal share of the mortgage and household expenses and, if he were to die first, then the OP would get everything and, no doubt, she would make sure that the children from his first marriage got nothing.

She does sound vindictive enough to do something like that.

Owning a property as tenants in common (especially with a Deed of Trust) is the best protection for both parties in this situation.

House left in your name until you either cohabit or youngest child has finished education.

You are vulnerable having a kid with someone and not being married.

Sod that. If I were you, I’d keep the flat. Why are you selling a huge asset when he isn’t putting down a penny?? Keep the flat. Keep the flat.

All he brings to the party is his three kids. But it’s on YOU to buy a house for you, him, the new baby and his three kids. Nope, no way. Stay in the rented house and both start saving for the deposit, do everything jointly. Don’t sell your flat.

Stay in your flat. Don’t buy with him, only consider renting.

No way would I be finding the deposit on my own. Does he not save? That would be a huge red flag for me.

You own a flat which you are selling so you and DP can get on the housing ladder but you think he thinks if he does it should be left to his kids? Why would he think they if you are giving up the flat you own to make this happen,? If he dies first where are you supposed to go, with no home and having lost the equity you had in your flat?
Sounds a good deal for him. What's in it for you? You need to protect the deposit you are contributing and then work out the rest.

My husband has specific life insurance for this reason. Nether of would be homeless and his kids would inherit money via his other insurance policies. You don’t have to do this in such a simple term of paying the stepkids out of his half and you selling up if he just takes out insurance for himself and names the DC!

Life insurance and house ownership is different. Insurance should defo pay it off but he’s entitled to leave his share (make sure you get a higher share to reflect your deposit) to whoever but I’d be asking for a lifetime interest.

Perhaps his ex left him, and he had to give up his home for her and DC?