I want the house. AIBU?

Just keep renting and keep your flat for yourself I would say.
Never trust a man with other kids, his loyalties are too divided.
He might even prioritise his older kids over yours because they were born first.

Its 100% her deposit. He rents.

Op I paid 85k of our deposit and DH paid 5k, I had a legal document drawn up to ringfence my contribution and we bought as tenants in common. Speak to a financial advisor

There is no one size fits all. You need to discuss amongst yourselves and agree what you both feel comfortable with.

I would understand tenants in common with a bigger share for you given your higher deposit, but should he pass away, his part goes to his kids (and hopefully part to you as well).

I would also understand tenants in common with the survivor getting it all, given the house has been bought and paid for by your joint labour and effort.

We're doing the latter in a similar (though not same!) situation, but can't comment on what would be best for you. You need to sit down and have a good honest conversation!

Please protect your deposit too….and DP needs a will so DC don’t automatically receive the house.

There are insurance policies for CMS to be paid out still upon death so no other claims can be made too.

He can leave his %to hid children but give her a lifetime right to stay in the property unless she remarries or cohabits with a future partner ... still got to buy as tenants in common ... so if house us sat £500k, she puts £100k deposit down and split mortgage, she owns 60% and him 40%

If you’re both paying equally towards the mortgage, you should receive the percentage you put down as a deposit plus 50% of the equity. He should receive 50% of the equity divided between his four children (including your shared child).

So, if you’d paid off the mortgage and owned a £500k house that you paid a 20% deposit towards. You should receive £100k plus £200k. DP should receive £200k
split as £50k per child.

I hope you are protecting your deposit legally and you buy as tenants in common. A friend just lost her £130K deposit in divorce.

Death isn’t really the problem
it’s if you split up
he will take his equity and you might not have enough money to buy him out

Yep🙄.

You need to speak to a solicitor who deals in wills. They'll talk you through the practicalities of each option and raise points that you haven't thought of.

You say treating the father of your children as a lodger is unacceptable and then in the next sentence you suggest they abort their baby? Christ.

How would his ex harass you though? Only debts could be taken from his estate so only if he was in arrears would that be a factor. You can’t sue your ex’s widow for child support they don’t pay because they’re literally dead….

I think you’re being unfair. Most people’s biggest asset by far is their home and he will have invested a huge amount of money in it by the time he dies (hopefully!) so why should the whole thing go to you if he dies first and then 100% to your DC when you die? That means that his children get £0 from his biggest asset and inherit nothing from their dad.

It isn’t particularly realistic to say he could just buy other assets or save up or make other investments when he hasn’t managed to save anything at all so far for a deposit and most people live pay check to pay check with their mortgage being where most of their money goes.

The way you protect yourself is by inheriting your half and then either buying out his kids or having a term in the will that you get to remain in the home as long as you want/until you die and then it is split between all the children equally thereafter

I know two mums who did this and then both sadly died in their 30s ( one of cancer and one from Covid ). The same thing happened in both cases .

The kids went to stay with her parents while the mum was dying in hospital ( as the dads couldn’t cope and so they could be at the hospital etc ).

After the death, the kids stayed with their GPs as the dad was grieving and couldn’t cope.

Then very VERY quickly, the dads were in new relationships, moved their new partner into the family home and didn’t want their kids back, as they thought it would be “ too unsettling for them “. In one family, the kids were very young ( toddler and new born baby) , so after 6 months of not seeing their dad they hardly even remembered him.

Now these children are being brought up by their maternal grandparents , who get no money and little support from the kids dads .None of these kids will get any of the money / half of the house that their mum left them until their dad dies, which will probably be another 50 or even 60 years. Because that’s what was in the will - the surviving spouse could live there as life rent.

Now I know you are thinking “ my kids dad would never do that “. But half of all days stop seeing their kids completely within 5 years of a separation / divorce so it’s not logical to think that widowed men will act completely differently.

I also have close friends whose mum died suddenly when they were at university . She had left her half of the house to her kids , to go to them straightaway on her death. Their dad said he would “ buy them out “ and put the money into an account for them to buy flats when they graduated. Of course they agreed to this as they didn’t want him to sell the family home as they would have no where to go on university holidays and that was where they had grown up.

The dad he very quickly remarried, sold the house and moved about 400 miles to the other end of the counrty. The kids never saw the a penny of the money he promised them and when he died, the whole house was left to his second wife and then to her children.

I'm sorry to say that based on the hundreds of similar threads on here over the years, I predict that you are going to the up physically, emotionally and financially carrying him and his children.

If he has absolutely nothing to contribute towards a deposit then he shouldn't be buying a house and it's extremely premature to be talking about bequeathing said house. He wants his children's future security to come from you.

OP, I am married with stepchildren. When we made our will, the solicitor said did we each want our half of the house to go to our respective children, with the remaining spouse to have a life interest, and we said no, when the second person dies, assuming it hasn’t all had to go for care home fees, we want it dividing equally between all our children. Your partner’s ex has no claim on his estate once they are divorced - your DP could leave his assets to the cats’ home if he felt like it. But it’s up to you and your DP whether you each leave your half of the house to your own DC, so his would get a third of his half, and yours would get all of yours, or whether to divide it equally between all the children. I really don’t understand your DP - does he think the survivor of the two of you should be left homeless? As he has at present no assets, he’s got some nerve. Are you sure you want to buy a house with him? I fear you might be in for endless arguments over your will if you do.

This 100pc

Treating the father of your child as a lodger? Really?

If the situation really is that bad then the OP is better off not having the baby.

"But I wouldn’t want to deal with his ex harassing me if he’d just died."

If this is what is primarily driving your concern, then you really do not need to worry at all.

"Yes he supports his kids, she relies on the money and is persistently asking for more. I have no doubt that if he died she would pursue whatever means she could to maximise anything going her way"

She may well be a right pain in the arse, (and in the event that your DP dies while his children are still under 18, she will likely be even more of a pain)

But, with a properly written will you can arrange for things to be split however you wish them to be and his ex will never get a penny (minor children can't inherit until they're 18 anyway and a trust will ensure that you get to live in the house for the rest of your life regardless.

His ex won't be able to touch you at all.

I absolutely would never have allowed this to happen.
Stay in your flat with you and your baby

Who do you think should be given the house when you both die?

Also, I know this is not the point of this thread, but in addition to the home ownership situation, have you seriously considered the challenges of living and sharing responsibility with him for his 3 older kids? The stories about blended families on MN are eye opening.

I don’t understand. He has nothing to pay for the deposit at all? No. He can pay you rent and you have the whole house in your name. He can do what he likes with his insurance then and can use any savings he makes to buy something else for investment.

there would be an inheritance because HIS life insurance would pay for the house

Why don’t you keep the house and let all his kids share the life insurance

With all due respect, @HouseFair you’d be insane to co-purchase or marry this man. You are the one with an asset and only he (and his children) stand to benefit from a financial union. I would either: 1) stay in the flat alone with baby and he can visit; or 2) rent a new larger house together (with him paying more of the bills as he will be bringing 4 people into it, and you will be just you and a baby) but keep your flat as an income generator; or 3) YOU buy the larger house but in your own name only and he pays rent/bills for him and his kids.

He is an adult with 3 kids and has so far never been able to get on the property ladder whereas you, a single woman, have. Your deposit is his springboard.

And yes, if you buy together, he is totally entitled to leave his share to his children.