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AIBU?

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Original poster

Aibu - it really can’t be that hard?

155 replies

wiw212 · 02/04/2026 17:47

Title: Is this weaponised incompetence or am I being unfair?

Asked DH to make pizzas with our toddler – something LO has been asking for for five days. Also (selfishly!) meant to be a bit of a break for me as they’ve both been off school/nursery all week and I’ve been on duty 24/7.

I’d already made the dough, so it literally just needed rolling out. Gave very simple instructions: pick up pepperoni and mozzarella.

He gets back, immediately comments on the mess 🙄 and then announces he forgot the mozzarella. Takes eldest back out to get it.

They come back, I finally sit down thinking great, 5 mins peace. Nope.

I’ve now been called in FOUR times:
– “Do I take the baking paper off the dough?”
– “Which tray do I use?”
– “Is the oven hot enough?”
– etc etc

At this point our toddler is basically supervising him.

Genuine question – is this weaponised incompetence or am I expecting too much? Because I’m struggling to believe an adult can’t manage basic pizza assembly without this level of input…

OP posts:
WhosAfraidOfVirginalWolves · 03/04/2026 13:37

Unless OP has left out a part where she's incredibly anal about how pizza is made and is going to come down on him like a tonne of bricks if he does it "wrong", then it's pathetic behaviour and I'm astounded how many people here are arguing otherwise.

The dough (the only part of this which could ever remotely be described as difficult) is already made for him. He has to spread passata on it and put salami and mozzarella on it. Until it's put in the oven, you are employing basically the same culinary skills you would use in making a sandwich. Even if you can't do that, you can Google it.

There's lots of activities I'd be a bit irked at doing with my toddler immediately after getting in from work, this isn't one of them. It's easier than most dinners you'd make anyway.

crypticandmachiavellian · 03/04/2026 13:21

WimbyAce · 02/04/2026 18:32

Tbh I wouldn't enjoy this straight in from work, maybe would have been better on the bank hol/weekend.

Spreading some tomato sauce on some dough and whacking on some cheese is hardly taxing is it. OP had already done the hardest part (making the dough).

Google exists, OP didn’t need to be called for every tiny thing.

Daffodillz · 03/04/2026 13:03

Several people suggesting "weaponised incompetence". This implies that he is consciously acting in a helpless way to avoid taking responsibility. But what about plain old incompetence on its own? Maybe combined with lack of confidence?

Fiftyandme · 03/04/2026 11:20

Weaponised incompetence. If you can figure out not to make a pizza, so can he.

The13thFairy · 03/04/2026 10:57

wiw212 · 02/04/2026 17:47

Title: Is this weaponised incompetence or am I being unfair?

Asked DH to make pizzas with our toddler – something LO has been asking for for five days. Also (selfishly!) meant to be a bit of a break for me as they’ve both been off school/nursery all week and I’ve been on duty 24/7.

I’d already made the dough, so it literally just needed rolling out. Gave very simple instructions: pick up pepperoni and mozzarella.

He gets back, immediately comments on the mess 🙄 and then announces he forgot the mozzarella. Takes eldest back out to get it.

They come back, I finally sit down thinking great, 5 mins peace. Nope.

I’ve now been called in FOUR times:
– “Do I take the baking paper off the dough?”
– “Which tray do I use?”
– “Is the oven hot enough?”
– etc etc

At this point our toddler is basically supervising him.

Genuine question – is this weaponised incompetence or am I expecting too much? Because I’m struggling to believe an adult can’t manage basic pizza assembly without this level of input…

It is weaponised incompetence. And your husband is a master of the art. He's making you wonder if he's doing it! Smooth bastard.

Daffodillz · 03/04/2026 10:26

Sometimes I enjoy responding along these lines: saying to him "I'm sure you'll figure it out!" as I make my way out the door for a walk.

Gettingbysomehow · 03/04/2026 10:13

None of my husbands could manage the simplest task alone including diy and gardening. So in the end I decided it was easier to live alone.
It was like looking after children.
Why could he not have used google? Or youtube ff's.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 03/04/2026 09:45

ForNoisyCat · 03/04/2026 09:39

Surely DH can read a recipe or google it?

Show quote history

Judging by the responses here, a number of posters think it is clearly beyond the wit of her DH or indeed any man to just google a recipe or "how do to it"

even by MN standards it's been eye opening

ForNoisyCat · 03/04/2026 09:39

Dunnocantthinkofone · 02/04/2026 17:51

No actually I think Yabu
If you want peace and quiet, you don’t get the right to also insist on which activity is being undertaken while you do!
My OH is as hands on as it comes but pizza making? He’d deffo be asking questions

Edited

Surely DH can read a recipe or google it?

CherryBlossom321 · 03/04/2026 09:13

YANBU OP. If this was a husband describing his wife’s response to being asked to do the same thing, everyone would be immediately jumping in with criticism of her, asking why she was so incompetent etc. Very rarely do we hear stories of women constantly defecting to their husbands to carry out a fairly basic task. Men are generally held to a much lower standard.

Your DD has been asking for a while if she can make pizza (my teens loved doing activities like that when they were little). It’s a lovely opportunity for them to spend time together doing something she will enjoy. It’s embarrassing that grown men can’t find simple instructions, using the devices they have at the tip of their fingers. It’s not unreasonable to expect him to do so like an adult, and not unreasonable to desire a few minutes to sit down and breathe when you’ve consistently been caring and entertaining for days.

BiscoffCheesecakes · 03/04/2026 09:00

I can sympathise. Whenever dd1 would say she was cooking for the family I'd have to actually leave the house as she'd be asking questions every 5 minutes so no chance of relaxing

Hardwick · 03/04/2026 08:59

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Original poster
wiw212 · 03/04/2026 08:59

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Im thinking long term. I did the same with the other three. I can say to the eldest come and do x and he can do it. It’s stressful now but it’s like potty training. It pays off

OP posts:
Original poster
wiw212 · 03/04/2026 08:58

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I wouldn’t say unhappy. I love him, he makes me laugh, I feel lonely when he goes out and I’m home alone. Sometimes he feels like my 4th boy. But he also is generous, hands on and kind. Mixed bag.

OP posts:
Hardwick · 03/04/2026 08:57

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Original poster
wiw212 · 03/04/2026 08:56

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We have 3 boys one girl. He is too soft on her.

OP posts:
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PollyBell · 03/04/2026 08:55

I get you want a break so he should have taken them out or to do an activity of his choosing

You wanted pizza made you should do it i am sure there is heaps of other things he could have done with them

Original poster
wiw212 · 03/04/2026 08:54

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3, 5, 9 and 11

OP posts:
Original poster
wiw212 · 03/04/2026 08:54

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Dd has dragged him off to the park. He wanted me to tell her no but I said he needed to do it and he gave in and they’ve gone.
i will say no more

OP posts:
Dontgoforward · 03/04/2026 08:53

It depends.
I can be just like this and it's not weaponised incompetence, just bog standard incompetence because I am not a confident or great cook. Doing it with a toddler in tow would of been a straight up flap for me.

sausagedog2000 · 03/04/2026 08:53

Was he like this before you married and had kids with him?

Hardwick · 03/04/2026 08:52

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Hardwick · 03/04/2026 08:51

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