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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD aged 10 needs root canal

133 replies

DDtooth · 02/04/2026 17:18

I’m really upset right now and wondering if anyone can advise? My dentist can’t see us till Thursday next week. DD had pain in her upper back tooth and when I looked at tooth I can see a big hole. Called usual dentist and the receptionist who’s very rude and unhelpful said no appointment till next week Thursday. I contacted NHS 111 who gave us an emergency appointment. They couldn’t do much and have put a temporary filling in tooth which should last till I see usual dentist. She told me DD may have to have root canal.

i feel so guilty because I haven’t been strong enough. My MIL gives DD sweets, fizzy drinks and unhealthy stuff every time we see them (2x a week) for first 5 years of her life she would see DD everyday and ply her with unhealthy stuff, even giving her spoonfuls of sugar! Every time I told MIL not to she would scream in my face and start crying (Mil not dd!) and telling her she did this with her kids and they turned out fine. And questioning why I’m like this

DH never once stood up to MIL. We are of a culture where I’m supposed to “respect” MIL and basically just put up with her shit. I’ve limited DD only seeing her once or twice a week max now. MIL has diabetes so you would imagine she would understand how bad sugar is. DH just tells me to stop it and she doesn’t give her anything which is a complete lie and is evident from DD’s teeth. I limit sweets and chocolates in the house and she never has fizzy drinks in our home.

sorry for rant but I have no one I can be this honest with. Is this as bad as I’m thinking? I’ve told DD if grandma offers her unhealthy stuff just to refuse from now on but I know it will be hard for her. I just don’t understand what benefits MIL thinks giving DD all this sugar is.

OP posts:
bloomingsbury · 02/04/2026 22:21

Does she have any other health issues that might be worth investigating? Things like coeliac can cause issues with teeth.

CautiousLurker2 · 02/04/2026 22:07

DDtooth · 02/04/2026 17:24

She brushes 2x a day yes. It is the back tooth so would extraction be better? I wish I could punch MIL in face I definitely imagine doing it every time I see her face.

Take Mil to the extraction and make her watch.

Blarn · 02/04/2026 21:51

Teeth just seem to be luck. As a child I ate sweets chocolates, fizzy drinks, juice and sugar cubes! I wasn't the best at brushing my teeth either as it made me gag. Had my first filling at 40 and thst was for a cracked tooth due to clenching my teeth, not a cavity.

Your mil not listening to your wishes and shouting at you is very unpleasant though.

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 02/04/2026 21:47

Honestly, at 10 this is probably 10% sugar and 90% oral hygiene.

Have you tried doing the blue tablets with her. We have to do random spot checks in our house because my kids lie about brushing.

thinkofsomethingdifferent · 02/04/2026 21:44

I’m in the same position OP with my 14yo, also requiring a root canal. Second to back tooth, upper. She was very much of the opinion to pull it, but as she is due to see the orthodontist next Friday for braces, I want them to see her first for a second opinion. Luckily she’s also scheduled for some dental X-rays in advance on Wednesday. Did the dentist prescribe any antibiotics? Only asking as although my daughter isn’t in pain as such, he did say things “weren’t good” in her mouth and prescribed her a 7 day course which will take us to Sunday.
Whilst it’s clear my daughter’s daily can of full fat Coke won’t have helped her position, we also have a family history of bad gums/teeth. Her diet also isn’t particularly good, lots of beige food and only eating veg if it’s with a Sunday lunch. So whilst one can of coke a day won’t have helped, there are also other factors to bare in mind before completly laying the blame on MIL.

EarringsandLipstick · 02/04/2026 21:41

Your MIL isn’t the cause of this. Of course this much sugar is completely inadvisable, but it hasn’t directly caused the issue.

MrMucker · 02/04/2026 21:35

Am I really the only one to find it unsettling that op, having ascribed blame to mil, additionally would like to "punch her in the face"?

FlyingApple · 02/04/2026 21:29

Catsservant · 02/04/2026 20:47

Ignore this, cavities are caused by have sugar to frequently throughout the day. Restrict sugar to meal times only.
also not brushing twice a day for 2 minutes

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Ignore this, it's a very outdated and incorrect response.

Bushmillsbabe · 02/04/2026 21:09

Catsservant · 02/04/2026 20:44

The first adult molars(6) erupts around 6 years of age

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Yes, but she said its her back molar, so presumed was a later one. Even if she got it at 6 though, to need a root canal by 10 seems unusual.

Serencwtch · 02/04/2026 20:59

I'd be a bit concerned about the regular dentist as if she's been having regular check ups this shouldn't have happened.

There's going to be more to it than having lucozade twice a week.

I'd try to put the MIL issue to one side (although I understand your rage & agree no more unsupervised visits & no more sweets & fizzy drinks full stop) and get good, honest advice from a good dentist going forward - your overall family diet, dental hygiene & care, brushing technique, flossing etc.

It's not the end of the world by any means but certainly treat it like a wake up call to overhaul everything. You have every right to be raging at MIL but don't ignore all the other advice.

MumOryLane · 02/04/2026 20:58

Such a wild take that this is your mother in laws fault. No matter what the scenario, you're mostly responsible for this.

Specialneedsnightmare · 02/04/2026 20:53

Op, this is pretty simple. Put a stop to mil doing this before your daughter ends up with a mouth of decaying teeth before she reaches adulthood.

Changename12 · 02/04/2026 20:48

I don’t know if this is still done but when my children had all their second teeth through, the dentist coated them with something that lasts for a few years, to help stop decay. The idea being it lasted while they were in their teens.

Catsservant · 02/04/2026 20:47

FlyingApple · 02/04/2026 20:02

Cavities are caused by a lack of nutrition. She can have sweets if she's fed everything teeth need as well, and of course brush properly.

Ignore this, cavities are caused by have sugar to frequently throughout the day. Restrict sugar to meal times only.
also not brushing twice a day for 2 minutes

Catsservant · 02/04/2026 20:44

Bushmillsbabe · 02/04/2026 17:53

Not a dentist, but they don't even get their adult molars until between 8 and 11 years old, so she can't have had this tooth very long I dint think, fir it to get damaged enough to need a root canal. Surely any damage would have been picked up at her 6 monthly check ups and could have been resolved with a filling?

The first adult molars(6) erupts around 6 years of age

Luckyingame · 02/04/2026 20:41

Heyitsmeeee · 02/04/2026 17:39

As a dental nurse of 20 years I've never seen a child needing root canal. The need for this means there is a huge deep cavity affecting the nerve of the tooth. Be prepared its a very long procedure with injections for numbing, and the treatment may fail in a short period or may last years. I wouldn't opt for an extraction as that's her whole adult life spent with a missing tooth which will also affect the teeth surrounding it and them moving. If it were my child she would never be left with MIL again as this is unforgivable 😢

Honestly, I never heard of such a case.
I'm having my first root canal at 46 now,
for a tooth that has been fixed before about five times, and I actually had a cry about it.🙄
Didn't know this was considered an option for children.
Surely for a ten year old, there must be a different option?
Granny effed up a bit here ...

LemonyPlums · 02/04/2026 20:30

Paediatric dentist here. Haven’t read the full thread but just popped in to say extraction is 99% the right option here. Obviously I’m commenting without seeing her, but if you’re talking about a first permanent molar and shes 10, the second permanent molar will be in the right position to swing in and fill the space. Your dentist should know about this! See a different dentist!

MistyMountainTop · 02/04/2026 20:27

As a non-dentist, won't extracting a molar just make room for a wisdom tooth to come through fully? I had a tooth out when I was 16 due to the tooth breaking in two when I ate a piece of unpopped popcorn and the wisdom tooth on that side is the only one that has come through properly

FlyingApple · 02/04/2026 20:02

Cavities are caused by a lack of nutrition. She can have sweets if she's fed everything teeth need as well, and of course brush properly.

myglowupera · 02/04/2026 19:42

ShanghaiDiva · 02/04/2026 17:46

People who want to keep their teeth.

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I always thought brushing more than twice a day is bad for your teeth. So yes if they want to keep their teeth probably best they calm down with the brushing.

Babanafroufrou · 02/04/2026 19:31

User8457363 · 02/04/2026 18:14

If it's a permanent tooth then you need to preserve it at all costs, which means root canal. If it's a milk tooth, just extract. Never extract adult teeth because it feels like the "easier" option. She will need to get implants at some point which is an extremely unfair additional life expense assuming she has to pay for it herself.

Also don't listen to the fearmongers about the treatment! I've had 2 molar root canals and it's exactly the same as a filling, just longer and more boring. Get her headphones with some music or an audiobook. You might need a second sitting to get a crown but it really isn't a bit deal.

What's done is done so no point getting angry at your MIL. Fwiw, sugary treats and sweets are only bad if you don't have good oral hygiene. None of that should make a difference if the child is brushing well and flossing at least 1-2x a day.

None of this is true.....

auserna · 02/04/2026 18:42

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 02/04/2026 17:24

Who brushes and flosses several times a day?!

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Oh, everyone on Mumsnet. Absolutely everyone. Also they all get up at 5.45am and eat 27 portions of fresh fruit and vegetables every day.

Tel12 · 02/04/2026 18:37

When was the last time your DD went to the dentist?

TheMerryGreyMaker · 02/04/2026 18:36

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 02/04/2026 17:47

Do you brush her teeth for her? I image that’s the real cause.

I eat chocolate every single day and my teeth are in great shape in my 40s. I suspect there is more to this than fizzy drinks although the constant sweets and fizzy drinks would piss me off.

Nodwyddaedafedd · 02/04/2026 18:29

Nope it won't just be one. She needs assessment of all her 6s and extractions. Consider GA if it's multiple.
Sorry but she's not been brushing properly - you can get away with an awful lot of crap if you brush properly. (And I should know! I should know better but I eat buckets of haribo and my kids have farrr too much too so no judgement. Get it fixed and then get the prevention in)