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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who was in the wrong here?

137 replies

EwwPeople · 02/04/2026 12:34

I have my own opinions and bias on this so I’ll try to make this as fair and even as possible .

A while ago , we had a leaving do for a colleague. Early in the evening, with everyone present A did a big speech, lovely, some laughs, everyone clapped at the end , all good. Towards the end of the evening, a lot of people had left already, B also did a shorter speech. Again, some laughs, lovely, claps , all good.

However, A took great offence to this, and the night ended with a row.

The atmosphere is still tense in the office due to all of this.

One side is , that it was incredibly rude /attention seeking to do a second speech. So this would be YABU.

The other side is that it’s not that big of a deal, and even if it was the reaction to it was completely over the top. YANBU

I’m trying to keep this fairly vague so as not to be outing , and also like I originally said to keep things fair and not take sides, but I’m happy to add more context/detail if needed.

OP posts:
thinkfast · 02/04/2026 13:23

A and B should have agreed between them in advance who would be giving the speech and done a joint speech if they both wanted to speak. It sounds like this didn’t happen and A was trying to exclude B by giving the main speech without B.

BauhausOfEliott · 02/04/2026 13:22

A sounds like a complete bellend.

QPZM · 02/04/2026 13:21

ohyesido · 02/04/2026 12:59

Sounds like A has a complex and B likes to undermine others

Actually this is a better way of putting it 👍

I suspect the OP is B and so wouldn't admit if there was a bit of rivalry between the two.

cariadlet · 02/04/2026 13:20

Seems odd to have 2 speeches but maybe that's because I work at a school so we just do our goodbyes in the staffroom during lunchtime rather than having a do.

I would have expected it to have been arranged beforehand who was going to do the speech.

B's speech seems unnecessary if A had already given one but it's silly of A to be so wound up about it.

QPZM · 02/04/2026 13:20

It does sound as though B just wanted to grab a bit of the limelight.

I think a second speech was overkill.

Not a big deal though unless there's a bit of rivalry between the two, then it could be seen as one-upmanship.

Listlostlast · 02/04/2026 13:20

A is being a flannel. They wanted to say something (and court some attention!) about the leaver and so, it seems, did B, it’s hardly fair to throw your toys out of the pram because someone else yapped for a bit!

Bringmebacktothe90s · 02/04/2026 13:18

Unless B made it out like As speech was bad. Then A is in the wrong here and has made the persons leaving party all about themselves. Rather than just thinking it’s lovely how much people care about the leaver by doing another speech. Everyone has a right to say goodbye ffs. A is in the wrong.

ComeOnPhilEarlySpringPlease · 02/04/2026 13:18

ohyesido · 02/04/2026 12:59

Sounds like A has a complex and B likes to undermine others

This.

What a way to ruin a nice evening with petty squabbling, point scoring, one upmanship.
No idea what etiquette would dictate, probably no need for a second speech at all but nor is it a big deal. Both sound like they are competitive or cannot read the room tbh.

firstofallimadelight · 02/04/2026 13:18

unless there was a prior discussion where it was agreed A would do a speech on behalf of everyone and B interfered with that. A is ridiculous they are not the king of speeches.

MrsJeanLuc · 02/04/2026 13:16

ToKittyornottoKitty · 02/04/2026 13:02

It’s nothing like a best man’s speech, where 1 best man has been appointed for a special occasion.

Show quote history

Quite.
And in any case you have loads of speeches at a wedding.

noidea69 · 02/04/2026 13:15

Bit odd from B, not sure 2 speeches needed, not rude though.

Very odd from A, totally OTT

MrsJeanLuc · 02/04/2026 13:14

Vconcerned1 · 02/04/2026 12:49

Yanbu ... But yabu to have not included a poll 😂

This.

I think it's no big deal, personally, but it would be nice to see the numbers

Knittedfairies2 · 02/04/2026 13:09

I've never been to a leaving do with only one speech; generally anybody who has had something to say has stood up and said it.

BarbiesDreamHome · 02/04/2026 13:03

Either A is bonkers for being so wound up or A generally finds B annoying and something about it tipped A over the edge.

Maybe B has form for upstaging A or B is just annoying in general and makes everything about them? I don't know, just ideas about what might tip A over the edge.

HeddaGarbled · 02/04/2026 13:03

There’s often a back story with this sort of thing e.g. B has form for undermining A.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 02/04/2026 13:02

Cherrysoup · 02/04/2026 13:00

Because A had already done it. Saying that, at school, the head does a generic goodbye/thank you and then the head of department or line manager also does a more personal one. I guess it's a bit like a best man's speech, once done, you don't have another.

Show quote history

It’s nothing like a best man’s speech, where 1 best man has been appointed for a special occasion.

Cherrysoup · 02/04/2026 13:00

EwwPeople · 02/04/2026 12:46

Can you explain why? I’m not being facetious, I honestly don’t understand it. Is it like an unspoken rule/manners kind of thing?

I abhor public speaking so I’d never have this dilemma , but I do want to understand.

Show quote history

Because A had already done it. Saying that, at school, the head does a generic goodbye/thank you and then the head of department or line manager also does a more personal one. I guess it's a bit like a best man's speech, once done, you don't have another.

ohyesido · 02/04/2026 12:59

Sounds like A has a complex and B likes to undermine others

TheNorns · 02/04/2026 12:57

EwwPeople · 02/04/2026 12:44

Yes.

Show quote history

Then I think A was being ridiculous. It was a little off the cuff speech to say “We’ll all miss Z and wish him/her the best in the new job!’ not the State of the Nation address!

murasaki · 02/04/2026 12:57

How silly of A. When one of my staff left, at his do I gave a speech as his manager, and the lead academic he'd worked closely with also gave one afterwards. I didn't feel peeved at all, more pleased that they did as it showed he was a good egg (and reflected well on me as hiring manager!)

A is being very childish. It's nice for people to be celebrated by as many as possible.

Vconcerned1 · 02/04/2026 12:49

Yanbu ... But yabu to have not included a poll 😂

Original poster
EwwPeople · 02/04/2026 12:49

ohyesido · 02/04/2026 12:46

Did A feel slighted by B?

is A more senior than B?

Yes, very much so.
No, equal roles.

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 02/04/2026 12:48

That’s ridiculous, does it matter if they both gave a speech in honour of a colleague leaving. And A needs to grow up - having a huff in work about is even more ridiculous.

ohyesido · 02/04/2026 12:46

Did A feel slighted by B?

is A more senior than B?

Original poster
EwwPeople · 02/04/2026 12:46

Cherrysoup · 02/04/2026 12:42

Who was leaving? If A, then fair play or if A did it about the leaver, also fair. For B to then do another speech, if about the leaver, I'd say B was stepping on toes.

Can you explain why? I’m not being facetious, I honestly don’t understand it. Is it like an unspoken rule/manners kind of thing?

I abhor public speaking so I’d never have this dilemma , but I do want to understand.

OP posts: