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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for asking my partner to support me whilst sick?

31 replies

MumEll · 02/04/2026 08:17

My toddler recently started at Flying Start (preschool for about 2.5 hours a day), and since then, it feels like the sicknesses have been nonstop, four illnesses in five weeks. Now I’ve caught the fifth one and this time it’s completely knocked me down.
At first, it was just mild weakness and a sore throat. I still managed to parent through it while my partner worked five full days, no help asked. But now I feel like I’ve been hit by a train. My body aches everywhere, I’m so weak I can’t even lift the baby, and every movement feels like my back might snap. I can’t stop crying because I feel like I’m failing everyone.
I’ve told him I physically can’t take it anymore, that the thought of another day like this makes me want to run away. But he just doesn’t hear me. He took two days off previously when our toddler was sick, and now refuses to take time off for me. Every time I beg for help, I get frustration back, apparently, I “don’t understand” his job.
I do understand that he’s struggling with work and scared of getting in trouble, but I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t need help. I hate asking for help in general. We have no family nearby who’ll step in, and our health visitor is on strike, so that support system’s gone too.
I’m just at the end of my rope. I feel guilty even admitting I can’t do this. But this has pushed me so far that for the first time, I’ve genuinely thought about leaving just to make it stop.
Has anyone else been through something like this? How did you cope and what do you do when your partner just doesn’t seem to get how bad it’s become?

OP posts:
MumEll · 02/04/2026 08:49

MidnightPatrol · 02/04/2026 08:20

Are you working?

The previous two days he took off sick for
your toddler - when was this and why on that occasion did he take it?

It’s hard when they start with all the bugs.

No I’m on mat leave. Babies teething and screaming non stop which is probably making me feel like I need help more than usual. I know he needs to work I just feel like I’m drowning

OP posts:
HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 02/04/2026 08:43

It’s horrible when you’re sick but honestly, I wouldn’t have expected my DH to take a day off unless I was completely bed-bound and the toddler was OK and bouncing off the walls.

I think you’re expecting too much of yourself: you don’t ‘parent’ through illness, you do the absolute bare minimum. Duvet on the couch, doors closed so the baby can’t wander, yy to expecting some sandwiches and snacks to be left under clingfilm and any meds picked up before he went to work, and naturally he’s making dinner, running a load of laundry through and coming home sharp to do bedtime, but for the rest of the day all you need to do is keep baby safe and rest.

stichguru · 02/04/2026 08:33

I think the deal breaker here is what are the implications for work if he took more time off at short notice?

Is it that he doesn't get how bad it is for you? Or is it that he doesn't have short notice leave he can take without getting in to trouble or potentially loosing his job? I mean if he's already had 2 days off recently for the toddler being sick, and doesn't have a good family leave policy or has things that can't be delayed that only he can do, then maybe working is necessary to keep food on the table.

MagneticSquirrel · 02/04/2026 08:25

Can you afford to get a babysitter to come to your home for a few hours today while you are still home but resting to give you a chance to try to recover?

Lots of online services offering vetted babysitters and you’d still be home with them anyway?

rubyslippers · 02/04/2026 08:22

I’m torn
you have a nasty sounding virus or similar
honestly I wouldn’t expect my DH to take a day off
I would expect him to leave sandwiches, food and snacks before he went and then pick everything up when he comes home
of you had a toddler you have a duvet / CBeebies day with them and do nothing
dose up on everything you can
also what would you expect the Health visitor to do to support?

MidnightPatrol · 02/04/2026 08:20

Are you working?

The previous two days he took off sick for
your toddler - when was this and why on that occasion did he take it?

It’s hard when they start with all the bugs.