To feel like DHs pain is starting to affect me mentally now?

Or you have crappy men.

Mine is in the opposite habit of pride making him try to carry on regardless and sometimes making injuries worse but that's not necessarily a good thing either I guess

She's had physio - it didn't help. Yes she had a scan - they just said that there was wear and tear in her hip. No - no referral to a consultant. She's on gabapentin but it's not helping - even when her dose was upped.

I came out of hospital post surgery loaded up on oxycodin, cocodamol on crutches. When family came to visit DH went into great detail about his bad knee, back if anyone asked how I was coping.

He tells me about a farmer he met who is doing better than me. A fella he saw this morning who's off his crutches after four weeks. I'm a failure because I'm still on crutches after two weeks. I know better than to mention any pain.

Has she ever had an x-ray scan, seen a consultant?

Agree entirely. Having spent too long offering suggestions to DH when he was complaining of pain, of things that might help eg physio, GP, chiropractor, exercise, lose weight etc and having them rebuffed/ignored I eventually just gave up. Now it’s just “Oh dear. Have you taken painkillers?” I’ve even had him ask me if he is due the next lot of pain killers. I remind him that he’s the one in pain, not me, so I have no idea.🤯

I already said they seem very unkind to each other. If you press quote history, you can follow the chain of comments. I'm sure that would be the case for this

I suffered from nerve pain every day after a fracture for six months. I also have nerve pain just now from a bad cut I had last year. My mum probably talks about being in pain every day - because she is.

There's more to this clearly - if the OP is unhappy she has every right to tell someone to stop going on about it - but if you are in a lot of pain - it's hard to do

Maybe the bigger problem is your marriage - you don't sound happy and if he's generally unsupportive and selfish you might need to look at whether long term you want to stay with one another

My mum has sciatica. Hip pain. Nerve pain. She's not overweight and she has spent the last ten years or so in agony even though she's on prescribed medication

Painkillers won't touch it. Gabepentin is the game changer and is commonly prescribed - it works on the nerves. Long term recovery I have found only came about by miles of walking, it gets the blood flowing so you can heal.

Tell him to look up Ankylosing spondylitis to rule out anything rheumatic.

Oh and tell him how you really feel, your feelings on this are valid.

Sometimes its a waiting game, but there may also be new things worth giving a go. Particularly if you are forking out the cost for a chiropractor weekly anyway.

I've had a bulging disc in my back, and have had 2 pregnancies with c-sections so get it! I've also had sciatic type pain. And my husband can make a meal of a cold. So I understand the frustration, and the extra burden and workload you are having to put up with. You are not being unreasonable to be struggling with it.

For me, for the disc, medication didn't help much just made me feel ill. I did see a physio and they couldn't really help but told me to lay on my front more to ease the strain on my back and counteract sitting. It has definitely helped. If I feel it tighten at all I take periods of laying on my stomach. I also got a standing desk to reduce sitting time, as that is obviously not good for us.

For the sciatic pain, it was a physio who helped. Didn't cure, and I'm not sure exactly what the method was called, but it involved holding my legs/moving my hips and holding in positions. Painless, and instantly helped ease the pain. So it may be worth looking out a physio who tries different methods.

Final suggestions I have, not personally tried but have known others to swear by, would be an oesteopath or reiki. I'm sceptical about some of these things, but have seen people notice instant changes first hand. In your shoes, I would get him to give it a try as there is nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Completely get, none of these may work. But you are struggling, he's in pain, so trying something new that others have found relief from may help.

I think people often tend to perform their pain because they want it acknowledged and sympathised with. You could try getting in first with lots of 'poor you, that must be terrible's so he felt less need to draw attention to it. Of course, its possible this may encourage him. But worth a shot.

OP's husband wasn't kind or a helpful hands-on dad both times after she gave birth and was caring for new born babies while in severe pain. I find that to be more unforgivable than OP seeking advice on Mumsnet.

She has also said that he is expecting her to have sex at least once a week and often more. He sounds self-centred and demanding.

Gahhh, totally garbled my own post there. DH does help. What he doesn't do is yelp and groan to people outside the family.

(BTW, I'm less sceptical about the miracle cure offered by sex since I discovered that orgasm temporarily banished my headaches!)

You don't need to teach OP anything. You are excusing the lack of compassion from OP's DH when she was massively struggling with pain through two pregnancies and two C-sections all while doing the vast majority of care for her two children, including when they were new born babies.

He gave her no sympathy or help but OP wasn't wincing, groaning and huffing and puffing. I'm also pretty sure that OP's parents weren't there making it clear to OP's DH that he should be more sympathetic and helpful like OP's PILs are doing to her.

Amitriptyline

What’s the name of this magical neve blocker drug please?

I think OP needs to address her underlying resentment which is completely understandable. She suffered in silence for years and sounds like she is still running on empty in some ways. Her capacity for empathy is severely limited and this is the time to be very clear with her H that he didn't give her what she needed when she really needed it most, and now his pain is only taking her back to those dark days when he let her down. It should be a wake up call for him if he has any ability to empathise with her and others in general.

A chiropractor can do more harm than good.

Hes never in too much pain to want sex? Dear Christ. Huge sympathies @Pteradon. The man sounds insufferable.

Mention to him that he might want to get tested for ankylosing spondylitis.

If he ACTULALLY has sciatica he needs to do lots of stretching exercises and see a really good sports masseur

If he's got a "bad back" tell him to get stronger pain meds

Has your DH ever acknowledged how frustrating it must be for you, or expressed any sympathy/regret/apologies that his pain is meaning you’re called to do much more on his behalf?

The pain isn’t his fault, but a normal partnership would usually involve the unwell partner acknowledging and expressing thanks for the one who is forced to put the extra work in while they’re unwell, because it’s hard to do and deserves appreciation. If I’m being looked after I want my partner to feel appreciated and know how grateful I am that they’re picking up the slack when I can’t - and vice versa. Having someone who’ll look after you is a lucky position to be in and saying thanks makes each other feel valued.

It sounds like it’s particularly triggering for you because you suffered in silence and probably pushed beyond your limits (because you had to for your kids). I really think you need to have it all out with him and explain how you feel and the impact on you. Hopefully you’ll both respond compassionately to each other after this. I’m not downplaying how annoying and over the top he’s being in expressing his pain - you’re living this day so I’ll take your word on that! Perhaps he could wind it in a bit but you’ll need to have a really careful conversation with him to achieve this.

Tell him that then! Point it out and tell him you are now realising how absolutely resentful you are at his prior lack of support when you were in agony, so frankly, you're a bit done with his dramatics.

I don’t mind my husband being unwell or in pain, but i do mind the running commentary - which seems to refresh every 25 seconds.

No, that's completely wrong. Chiropractors do not specialise in working with bones. they do work with the musko-skeleton, but this is in the context of the entire nervous system. You shouldn't dismiss treatment options when you don't even know what they are.

Having said that, and even as a huge fan of chiropractic treatment, I do agree with others that just seeing a chiropractor weekly is unlikely to be sufficient and if i was OP, part of my frustration would be his passivity.

I'd also LOVE to hear what his chiropractor says - I've never had a chiropractor who wasn't also encouraging gentle exercise, yoga/pilates, massage etc to support the work they were doing with me when things are particularly bad.