To feel like DHs pain is starting to affect me mentally now?

This doesn’t sound great. What is he like in other areas?

I hope you have healed or heal up soon.

Don't feel bad, i totally get why this would be so annoying. I've had chronic sciataca, it burns like hell, but i'd never moan about it in front of someone with a slipped disc.

I got sciataca after my second pregnancy, and it gradually got worse over the following 10 years. It got so severe it felt like the pain was like a lightening bolt that came out of the bottom of my foot by about 3 inches (i've never before felt pain so bad that it radiated beyond the extent of my body). I found the only way to prevent or relieve an atrack is excersize. I also found that back adjustments at the chiropractor were helpful, but only if you keep up with the excersizes to strenghten the back and core and keep hips, etc in the right position. Cycling was an absolute game-changer, it keeps everything stable in the correct position and is great for strengthening your core. I have a desk job, so it was also essential to do stretches regularly, and i kept a mat at work to do dead-bug and leg lift excersizes in the lunch hour. I also swear by kegels to strengthen the pelvic floor, this is important in men as well as women.

I haven't had a bad attack for over 5 years now, but it's important to keep the core strong and do regular non-impact excersizes. It's the ONLY way out of sciataca, pain killers and back adjustements on their own won't cure it.

Cocoa Tea
How lovely taking all that time out typing and reading to help.OP :)

My husband was the same over Christmas, and I found it really hard. It was a bit annoying but also it brought me down, because I love him and hated hearing him in pain. Amitriptyline sorted him out too - but only when they doubled the initial dose.

Ok - if you want this thread to be about you then you need to find a way to let go of the resentment you feel about how he treated you in the past.

Someone suggested you have a once and for all vent about how unsupported you felt to a trusted friend.

I personally would prefer that vent to be towards the unsupportive DH directly.

When DC are occupied I’d literally sit him down and spell out how you feel:
behaviour after childbirth, feeling unsupported, behaviour when you were ill

But it’s a ONE time thing ie you need to be prepared to let it go once you have expressed it and then put it behind you.

Then you need to talk openly about your current set up. Acknowledge that he is in pain and you are sorry there is not an immediately obvious solution.

However, his issues do affect you and you find it hard too and it’s affecting you. Explain how it does impact family life and while you understand he can’t help it and didn't choose it, he needs to be a bit more mindful that it’s hard for you all the time with worrying about him and having to manage DC and household stuff. Tell him the constant discussion about his pain is hard to hear all the time and takes a lot of your headspace, something you don’t have a lot of.

It might be performative moaning but it might be a case of a complete lack of self awareness. Sometimes people just need to be told/prompted to have a think about how they come across. In the framework of a marriage, these conversations should be ok to have and they can be firm and factual, while delivered with kindness.

Otherwise I fear the resentment will eat you up.

After that, the next goal I’d suggest is him learning how to be able to look after both kids on his own. In whatever form that takes; in accordance with his health limitations. The current set up is totally unfair on you.

Once that is sorted - you really should treat yourself in some way - perhaps a short break away from both DH and DC so you can centre yourself a bit.

Think you will find I was trying to be helpful.
But im not in the businesses of justifying myself to you excessively.
Hope you get some resolution.
Pip pip

There are phones tHat audio Record.
Record convo like the one above you kust described.
Then type out transcript.
Do not embellish.
Present him wi5h it.
Ask him what will he be doing to fix his behaviour coz it's making you depressed. Letvus know how youbgwt on.

solidarity. I am sat here in silence with a bad back having been awake since 4.30, my husband is 3 metres away from me and has just dragged himself out of bed and is huffing, puffing and whining, telling me he's also been awake since 4.30 which is very untrue as I've been listening to him snoring. quite literally could murder him right now.

By way of extension OP.
If flowers of Scotland doesn't quell his sighing

Then Flowers of the Forest surely will.

Sorry , see it, your post i mean.
All for turning a negative into a positive.

Oh Crack of, that gave me such a laugh, thank you for cheering my day.
Even if op doesn't seem it.

If he's up for sex his pain is not that bad.

Bloody hell itd annoy me too. All the crap you went through and you just had to get on with it, so I totally get why all his moaning of his totally rubs salt in the wounds. Its just a constant reminder of all your unappreciated years of getting on with it in a very impressive and unrelenting way - that are basically mostly still unacknowledged by the sounds of things. I totally get where you are coming from!

I'm sure that if OP's DH had been more caring and sympathetic when she was in pain and struggling, she would feel much more inclined to make her husband feel better about himself. He is just reaping what he has sown.

I expect that having sex makes the H feel better about himself. It is bad enough being in pain and knowing your body is wrecked without having to think your spouse doesn’t want you anymore. In my marriage we have worked together to find ways of doing it that are comfortable. Verso, the arthritis charity, offer advice on the physical and mental effects of the illness. Maybe there is a Nuffield gym near them where he could join the joint pain programme and get support and help. I literally felt my life was not worth living this time last year and it has been miraculous for me. The very worst day for me was when I confided in a friend about how much pain I had and they said I should stop moaning because everyone gets it. All my GP did was prescribe codeine and send me away.

She needs another one. My surgeon said hips can go from a bit of arthritis to stage 4 femoral collapse in less than two years. As mine did. NHS were useless in Wales so I saw surgeon, had x-ray done privately.

A few years ago

Whenever my ex used to be ill I'd nod sympathetically and insist he take himself off to bed..
Close the door.
Job done.

How long ago was the scan?

I'd not want to go to a chiropractor personally.

Has he got sufficient pain relief? What pain meds is he prescribed? What about pregabelin or something? There must be medicine to ease the symptoms.

Someone asked earlier but I don’t think it’s been answered. Does he do this at work? Can he have a conversation at work without gasping in pain? I’d be asking him OP.