AIBU to stop singing around my family after their comments?

I'm intrigued by the way thread contributors seem to divide between those who don't mind or even enjoy people singing in their airspace (I'm in that group) and those who find it stressful or annoying. That was a horrible thing your husband said to you, OP, and I can imagine that it came as a shock. I hope he apologises. The teens maybe get a bye for being At That Age when parents are embarrassing just because they exist.

Of course it's not unreasonable for you to give your family what they've explicitly asked for and to limit the amount of singing you do around them. But from personal experience of something similar I'd say don't let them shut your voice off completely, make sure you have times and places where you can sing as much as you want to.

(I suspect my DH now regrets having squashed all the singing out of me early in our relationship, and I regret having allowed it to happen.)

Is that you, Hyacinth?

Emmmmett........!

Don’t be passive aggressive, don’t be petty. There’s no need to not even sing happy birthday- that’s just ridiculous. But I can see how you would feel hurt, and self conscious now- and you probably need to spell that out to DH.

However, is there any way he could have phrased it that wouldn’t have ended up in you feeling hurt? It may just have got really irritating to hear you all the time, singing away. I feel like there’s a chance that no matter how gently he phrased it, you’d have reacted the same.

I strongly recommend you get a few private singing lessons for yourself. Don’t tell your family. You might hold the tune but be slightly off key? I’ve no idea. All I know is that I did a few private singing lessons and it fixed a few bad habits I had and bingo, suddenly I went from having a bad singing voice to what people now tell me is a lovely singing voice

There's a huge difference on singing constantly - which would be awful for everyone else- to singing happy birthday.
Me and my husband both sing often at home. If one of us didn't sign for a month, no one would notice. You must be singing a hell of a lot for your family to notice on day one.

The only assumptions are yours - you've added your own spin onto that. She didn't say she carried on at all. They handled it horribly and they have hurt their mum and wife. It's completely unnecessary.

As G.K. Chesterton said, 'If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly.' So, even if you were bad at it - which I don't believe - you should carry on singing!

Agree with this. Lived with a singer/actress/dancer type at uni, and she used to drive me nuts. She could sing very well, but breaking into song and accompanying choreography first thing in the morning was just too much… maybe I’m the grumpy guts but there’s a time and a place and the people you live with shouldn’t be your captive audience, especially not now you know their thoughts on it.
OP- we have loads of women’s singing circles around where I live. Maybe you can join something like that and get to do what you enjoy with like minded people. I absolutely don’t think you should stop singing at all, but choose your times.
Equally, not singing happy birthday just seems incredibly passive aggressive if I’m honest. It seems like you’re actually waiting a month to get your moment of revenge and guilt trip everyone. That’s a bit bonkers really when you think about it. Just communicate what’s bothering you.

I hate that baseline human activities like singing, dancing, art and being creative have been turned into skills, instead of just something we do. Everybody these days seem to think that the point of these things is to be good at them, not just doing them because it’s just something we do, the way bees build hives and birds sing. They bring joy, and fuck anyone who says you shouldn’t do something that brings you joy just because you’re not Celine bloody Dion.

Sing OP. Sing your heart out, sing until your throat is sore and you feel like your chest will burst. It’s how we know we’re alive.

I can’t sing and don’t sing. My husband and young adult kids don’t just sing, they all hum and tap and whistle, sing and are generally noisy. Two of them are good singers. Sometimes I find it joyful and sometimes I want to kill them. But I don’t tell them to stop unless I am watching TV. It’s about them feeling comfortable in their own home. OP your family was cruel and could have phrased it better.

You want to feel loved and love is generous by its nature - tell them how they have made you feel. I sing incessantly and really have an awful voice. I wouldn’t expect my nearest and dearest to be horrid about it though.

I do think they should have been gentler with you OP. If the issue is that you’re singing a lot or loudly, it can be invasive and so they want you to do it less when they’re around but to tell you you’re a terrible singer was uncalled for. As PPs have said, even the best singer on repeat can become annoying.

She needs an independent assessment of her voice

To manage a family disagreement? No she doesn’t. What an OTT solution.

They possibly could have handled it better but it does sound like they had tried to speak to her and she made the assumption they meant in public so carried on as she had been.

So no, you don’t. Hence your suggestion

The thing is that on holiday people tend to spend rather more time than normal in proximity with other family members, often in confined conditions. Even Celine Dion might be told to pipe down on a long car journey with family. I think holiday grouchiness might be responsible for some of this.

Ouch - there's a unique sting when someone tells you they're annoyed by something you've done for a while and thought was harmless. I used to have a couple of jokey sayings until one day DH told me they got on his nerves. Stopped instantly and never uttered them again! It's weirdly mortifying.

It's a shame with singing, though. My DM isn't the world's best singer but we always used to joke that she had a song for every occasion - when we were younger she'd match people's words to lyrics and burst into song. We sometimes rolled our eyes a bit but it's a fond memory. I hope you can still find an outlet for your singing.

Growing up, my dad used to sing a lot, or he'd hum or whistle, and it never bothered me at all. He didn't have an especially good voice but I liked to hear him sing because it showed he was happy. I've read that people used to sing a lot back in the day, while going about their work or walking down the street, and it was just normal. When did we silence our voices?

It seems very sad to me and the saddest thing is the OP being told when she's allowed to sing and when she must be silent. She's not allowed to sing because she wants to, but must sing when it's required - that sounds really strange.

Do you not think they could have spoken to her about it and came to a compromise instead of just demanding after all these years that she just stops singing? They're hurt and embarrassed her, complete needlessly. She's a human being.

Is it mean spirited to expect some respect for others in the house?

singing sometimes is one thing but constant singing, especially when you have been told it’s too much at times, is selfish.

Don't stop singing OP. Never stop expressing your joy. Children sing when they feel safe and happy and it's probably not that different for adults. I'm sorry they've been so hurtful and taken that from you. That's just shit.

My DH wouldn’t have married me if he didn’t like or couldn’t tolerate my singing. It’s part of who I am and I do it A LOT. The kids are often singing along with me as well or singing their own little tunes while they play.

She may yet choose to join in the singing of Happy Birthday, not by singing, but by blowing rhythmic raspberries, which would serve them right. 😆

Anyway, I'd like to see her leave that miserable lot and embark on a stunningly successful singing career.

Then they'll say: "If only we'd been more supportive and encouraging! Now she's a world famous multi-millionaire with no time for us at all."

Sod that! If I wanted to sing, I would sing. In fact what I would do is improvise on some songs. i.e. “It’s my party and I’ll cry if i want to.” Change to “It’s my life and I’ll sing if I want to, sing if I want to, SING IF I WANT TO…”

I love to sing and couldn’t not! @Sirzy you sound quite mean spirited! I do think those comments from teenagers are hurtful but also should be given a bit of a wide berth as they’re teenagers and it’s the classic mean comment they like to chime up with as they know it’s hurtful, when reality is they don’t mean it and don’t mean to hurt you. More shame on your husband though not to acknowledge that not necessarily being excellent at something isn’t a reason not to do it. I think worth a comment to your husband that it was mean and generally just not a good life lesson!