AIBU to stop singing around my family after their comments?

I do not know any child or husband who likes to hear their mum or wife warbling. I've heard lots of women say their kids, once past a certain age, cringe if they sing. I used to cringe at my mum singing when she was washing up, she would be offended by me saying anything.

Exceptions are if mother is a professional singer, especially if she is well known. Then it is normal.

Forcing other people around you to hear you incessantly singing is all a bit dictatorial.

How does your family deem it fit to express joy? Its all a bit taliban

Gosh you are miserable. Anyone can sing be they good or not and the family can simply walk away should they not want to hear it or use headphones. I hope she ups her singing now.

It's not meant to be a comparison and have not said singing is a crime, however annoying it is when unwelcome. I'm sure you must realise that really, so you can spare us the faux outrage.

What I am saying, if it needs explaining, is that just "being yourself" is not a good argument for continuing behaviour that you are aware is annoying, distressing or upsetting the people in your orbit who you are supposed to care about.

Human beings are naturally selfish and need we to adapt our behaviours (whether minor or criminal or anything in between) to live harmoniously with the people around us.

If we genuinely believe that "being ourselves" trumps consideration for others we are likely to find ourselves alone or in constant conflict with family, friends and colleagues.

In fairness, I can see why.

Oh my god !
like thats a fair comparison! What planet are you on !!
Huw Edwards ! For heavens sake .
So the OP singing annoys her family sometimes. It’s not a crime !!!!

Well it's hurtful and embarrassing to realise that you've been annoying people...more so when you had no intention to.

The OP is probably feeling a bit shit about it all, especially as people here have been so frank about their own experiences with those who like to sing. I'm glad there are other 'singers' on the thread to provide balance.

I see Ms Von Trapp never returned 🙄

I also love singing. At work I often sing while moving round the building, at home while cooking/moving round the house. I certainly don't sing while people are working (like in the office/library) or when we're watching TV or start belting out show tunes in public places, but singing is part of who I am. I've joined a choir in the last few years which I attend once a week.

As a young woman I was told repeatedly to shut up/stop talking and for years I stopped singing/chatting, or became very anxious about social interactions because it seemed I was too much for others. But now I've become more confident in myself and have as much right as others to be myself.

I don't want to listen to my kids go on about Minecraft/Roblox/Pokemon all the time but I certainly don't rudely tell them never to talk to me about it again. Teens sometimes need pointing out that they're not the centre of the universe and that relationships are give and take, but you're husband shouldn't need to be told that what he said to you was unkind.

I find this so sad OP. Nobody in my nuclear family is a very good singer but we all love hearing each other sing because it means we’re happy. (Plus it sounds like you actually are a decent singer anyway). Your husband sounds like he was being really horrible, I can’t understand why.
maybe join a choir? Then you can enjoy your singing with people who appreciate you.

I would be very very hurt OP. But my suggestion is to get out of victim mode. You need to tell them all that what they said really hurt your feelings and that it was shitty of them, esp DH, to put you down like that. Then reiterate that YOU WILL be singing anyway! Cos fuck them and you do it for you.

Do it defiantly but -equally- maybe do it a bit less if it's something you do a loot as it can be a bit of an imposition

But really horrible for you, sorry OP.

YABU to stop doing something that gives you pleasure, because of the comments of others. You wouldn't like your teens to change themselves because someone at school was mean. Be yourself (and tell them they were rude and hurtful).

Oof.

This is really hurtful of them whether they mean it to be or not.

I remember overhearing my mum and her friend laughing at my carefree singing as a child and feeling heartbroken. I didn't think I was an amazing singer but just tended to sing a bit when happy and pottering about.

When my son was born I'd sing in front of him. He's never complained. I never sang in front of his dad though.

One ex (my youngest's dad) I felt emotionally safe to sing in front of as I pottered about, or along to the radio in the car but I feel like unmasking generally as a person and relaxing in front of him made him realise he didn't actually love me. 😞

I think other than my very loving kids I'll not sing in a carefree way in front of others again, so I really do feel your pain op. It's really hurtful of them.

This. I'm an awful singer but I like to sing songs. Me and my boys sing everything. We sing adverts. We sing our own made up songs. We sing songs from tv programmes. Music and singing is a fundamental part of life. It makes us happier. I'm guessing it made you happy too so I'd say stuff them @Situationallystuck I'd be doing it even more like @yikesss said.

If he actually hated your voice, you’d have heard about it years ago.

I suspect what they really mean is they don’t like listening to real people sing, this is fairly common, it’s something that’s fine every now and then but if you’re someone who sings regularly (I do too!) then I think it can become icky for people around you. My mum has an objectively nice voice, but for some reason I find it quite annoying when she sings.

I’m sure your voice is lovely, they just don’t want to hear it so much.

I would compromise. Reduce the singing but don’t stop.

Honestly the quality of the voice is not the issue. I know id find it annoying if someone was bursting into little ditty's randomly throughout the day regardless of whether it was Pavarotti who was doing it .

To be fair kids have undeveloped minds and think everything is cringe

I should perhaps add that my mother did the warbling thing. She thought she sounded like Kathleen Ferrier, but it was very much more Anna Russell. 😂

@Situationallystuck ... Just out of curiosity, how old are your children and are they boys or girls? Because I was told when I was 10 years old that I should only mime at the school concert because I sang flat! I never sang out loud again. About 50 years later I mentioned this to a friend who is a serious pianist and she was immediately on the case. Right, she said, let's get to the bottom of this! First she tested my ear, to make sure I could hear a sharp/flat note, then she made me sing back small random phrases of music. Spot on. Her conclusion was that most of the others, particularly the boys, were probably singing sharp. Apparently this is typical at that age. I now sing whenever I feel like it.

Ignore your husband, obviously.

This all makes me so sad. I am an ex professional opera singer, and so would like to add my story to this (although I did encourage some time ago on the thread). I have one of those (trained) voices that will hit the back of an auditorium, over the top of an orchestra.

I have three children, and I used to drive them bonkers. I would sing around the house, especially when learning something new,, and would make things up in my vocal exchange, 'haha! you are just so.... naughty!' Aka recitative. It isn't good for the voice to shout. They used to tell me to shut (the fuck) up. I'd sing the reprimand..

A couple of years ago. my son arrived home in the early hours. He'd spent lots of time with one of my ex students. She said to him, simply 'your mum used to ope her mouth to sing, and the sun came out. It was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard'. He was incandescent. He apologised to me for telling me to shut up. Profusely.

He apologised for his years of telling me to shut (the fuck) up. he also told me that he thought that Opera was the finest form of music. He was pissed, obvs! But there was truth and acceptance.

I'm not telling you this because you're an opera diva, or choir diva, or anything else. I'm just asking you, again, to do your own thing. As for joining a choir - tops idea. Also find a qualified singing teacher who can work with you on technique. Never, ever doubt your ability.

I expect that I'll be slated for this for blowing my own trumpet. It's all true though, so I wanted to share it.

In the meantime. Never stop singing. And if anyone tries to stop you, Poke them in the eye with a blunt stick.

My daughter is an objectively excellent singer- has achieved a distinction in every grade exam, taken part in choirs, been asked to perform solos etc. She sings all the bloody time and I do often ask her to stop as she doesn’t even notice she is doing it. Sometimes it is across conversations or just background noise when I need to think and I can’t cope with it.

Some people are background noise people and some people are not. I’m sure it’s not your actual voice but more just that you are constantly filling the space with it.

It’s quite concerning the way people leap to assumptions on here, OP has irritated her family with her incessant singing, they’ve now pointed it out and her husband is being called a nasty arsehole, is he threatened etc
It’s wild, people are allowed to say they don’t like something, would you be saying the same if it was reversed? no; it would be tell the selfish man to shut up!!

Those saying OP should carry on singing whenever she wants - how would it work if her husband chose to put football on TV or up the volume on the radio? And her children take up practising a musical instrument all the time?

It would be absolute bedlam, but if OP is encouraged to sing why is it only her who gets to be heard?

I just dont get this
The teens and DH have shared that they find the Ops singing all the time, her own admission,difficult, as she is out of tune and they are nasty ?
What on earth?!
I find this baffling
People share a house and should be respectful to everyone who lives there
Out of tune singing all the time isnt joyful, its actually unpleasant , selfish and Op is lacking self awareness and empathy to others needs.