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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to stop singing around my family after their comments?

411 replies

Situationallystuck · 01/04/2026 23:13

I usually sing when I'm happy. Little ditties and bits of tunes, sometimes a full on song. My voice isn't x-factor winning, but it isn't unpleasant. I was in a select choir when I was younger so I know I can carry a tune. I don't make a big deal about singing, and don't try and take centre stage with it at all, more like I'll sing along to a song on the radio or join in with singing at church etc.
Recently on holiday with my husband and teen children, my eldest said that they don't like it when I sing. I understood this to mean in public, which I get, teens don't want their mum attracting attention. I acknowledged this, but then it turned into a session where my husband said he thinks my voice is terrible and I should never sing. That it's horrible when I do. The teens nodded along. I was really hurt. But I figured maybe they got caught up in the situation, later I asked my husband if it was really that terrible when I sing and he told me that my singing should be best kept for when I was alone.
So, today, I didn't sing at all. They all keep asking me if I'm alright because they can tell something is different, but I haven't said a word about the singing and neither have they.
I feel like either the biggest fool in the world for inflicting my singing on the people around me or an absolute arrogant sod for thinking my voice was not unpleasant. I don't want to be a fool or an arrogant sod, so I've decided not to sing again.
I reckon the first time they will properly notice is when my husband has his birthday next month.
I guess my question is, would I be unreasonable to never sing to/with them again, even though I know they will be sad or hurt that I'm not singing happy birthday? They would obviously prefer for me not to sing at any other time.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 01/04/2026 23:28

"he told me that my singing should be best kept for when I was alone."

I would grant him his wish and I would not be singing happy birthday to him next month. That would be the natural consequence of his hurtful comment. Consequences - we teach them to children, but your husband and teens seem to have forgotten. Time for a refresher course.

And if that's passive-aggressive, so be it.

TheNorns · 01/04/2026 23:27

I think it would be unbelievably petty to refuse to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to your DH because your family have asked you to keep your singing for private moments.

Do you do an awful lot of singing on a day to day basis, if they’re asking you if you’re all right just because you haven’t sung in front of them for one day?

I have objectively a good voice (I used to sing in a prestigious Oxford choir) and I’m not sure I sing in front of other people at all, apart from carols etc.

Tauranga · 01/04/2026 23:27

Sing! If you love it, do it.

They can leave the room. You sang for yourself not them.

Kingdomofsleep · 01/04/2026 23:27

You obviously don't have a horrid voice as you were in that select choir, but anyway that isn't the point. When you love someone, the actual musicality of their singing is irrelevant.

My 5yo dd objectively cannot hold a tune at all, she basically sings any tune on one note. But I really love it when she sings and if I manage to film it, I watch it over and over. And my dh changes key when a melody reaches a high note, but I have hearts for ears when he sings along to stuff (which is rare).

So, what your voice actually sounds like is irrelevant. I wonder if your husband is actually jealous or has some reason he wants to put you down. In any case he has been very cruel.

yikesss · 01/04/2026 23:26

YANBU to feel hurt but I think YWBU to never sing happy birthday to anyone again ❤️ personally I'd be singing even more!! Gits

Alicorn1707 · 01/04/2026 23:24

@Situationallystuck Just for you 🎤🎶(˘▾˘ )

JumpinJehoshaphat · 01/04/2026 23:24

If your own family hate you singing, I think you need to listen. It’s probably really annoying. I’d stick to singing when you’re alone.

JeepersItsTheKraken · 01/04/2026 23:23

I've voted that you are being unreasonable because, just going by your OP, it doesn't sound like you've explained how hurt you are but are instead being a little passive aggressive, especially as you are aware that your DH will notice on his birthday. My DC told me they hate my singing, I told them that was mean and I sing when I'm happy so they should be glad I'm happy. That me singing is a quirk they need to put up with just as I put up with theirs.

Original poster
Situationallystuck · 01/04/2026 23:21

He tells me he loves me a lot. And often does little things for me that show his feelings. He can be a bit blunt sometimes and every now and again will say something true but negative. He can be a bit negative in his humour, which is why I asked him again to be sure. I feel really, really hurt. It's ok he doesn't like my singing, but we've been together for 20 years and he has let me keep going with it, which is humiliating if it's true that I have a horrid voice.

OP posts:
Kingdomofsleep · 01/04/2026 23:20

I'm so sorry op. I also sing all the time when I'm happy and so do my kids. They are too young to hold a tune or to even get the words right but I just love the sound of them singing Jingle Bells in April. Your husband is very cruel.

I hope they see how hurtful they've been and apologise to you soon.

When your loved one is singing, it shouldn't be about the musicality of it, but about how much you love them to be happy.

CaragianettE · 01/04/2026 23:16

What’s your husband like in general, OP? Is he generally loving and caring, or does he often neg you or put you down?