AIBU to stop singing around my family after their comments?

My husband was appalling but enthusiastic singer. But then he joined a choir at work and they told him that he'd been singing in the wrong key all the time and that actually did improve things quite considerably.

So I would say: don't stop singing, just learn to do it better!

I think thete are a few things going on here. There's your hurt, especially as if you really don't sound good why did DH take so long to tell you? The what exactly do your family hate about uou singing? How should upu respond and behavdvjn future in light of this? And the loss of something you enjoy. With the last one, its easy - singing on your own/in the shower, and join a local choir - yhere are loads, from no audition community choir to highly competitive major choirs. Take your pick, enjoy yourself, and as a side effect get a fair idea of how good your voice is. With the other questions, I fo think you should go back and ask; why not tell me before, explain how hurt you are, clarify with the teens if you can. Then decide the way forward.

Depends if you’re humming or belting out loud noises. A mate of mine belts out one liners in the middle of conversation they’re nothing to do with the conversation and are very attention seeking. It’s annoying.

My daughter has a good voice. Sometimes I love listening to it. She does tend to sing more than I like as I find it quite distracting if I’m trying to do something else and sometimes quite rude as she sings when other people are trying to have a conversation. I also sometimes just want to listen to the actual artist if a song is on the radio rather than my daughter‘s version of it. I have certainly asked her to stop several times. I hope I was kinder than your husband and kids

Even if you do have a good voice, is it possible that you are just indulging it for too much for other people‘s comfort?

Bad advice, both for OP and for her family. OP should go on enjoying the harmless, healthy pleasure of singing. The children and husband need to learn some courtesy and tolerance.

OP, why not join another choir if you can afford the time and cost? There’s even a national network of Tuneless Choirs if your voice really has deteriorated! or even if it hasn’t: the Tuneless Choir is about just singing for fun.

It all sounds rather performative.......and annoying if you do it all the bloody time!

How would YOU feel if someone constantly made jokes all the time? Or hummed incessantly?

Sing if it makes you happy. Your family have been cruel.

I think it's a crying shame. I wouldn't care if you sang like a bag of cats (not saying you do), to see your loved one happy and singing along to the radio or whatever is lovely. Am really sorry they've ruined this and hurt you, it's unkind.

Someone told my partner years back he couldn't carry a tune and I have never heard him sing. He's quite paranoid about it actually, not even a hum along. I would love to hear him sing, esp as his most loved thing in life is music.

Your family have been shitty.
If you hold grudges then don't sing Happy Birthday and if asked, tell them why. I wouldn't fault you for that.
If you have a different sort of personality get up before everyone, putter in the kitchen singing Oh, What A Beautiful Morning! and go from there with show tune after show tune. 😊

I went away with my friend for a weekend. I then discovered she sang at full volume in the shower every morning. Her voice was not bad but it was very invasive, not only for me but for other hotel residents. It was truly awful.

If you love to sing, then maybe find a choir and put your talent to good use with like minded people.

Perhaps your singing isnt quite as good as you think it is. I once recorded myself singing, it sounded quite harmonious to me but when I played it back I realised sounds like an asthmatic rottweiler 😅😅

But are you singing alll the time? Like a Disney princess that they mock in Enchanted or are you quietly singing to yourself as you go about your day?

I voted YABU because you should not allow them to silence you, and I think if you stop yourself singing when you would normally sing automatically the only person you will hurt will be yourself.

When my DS was a teen he constantly told me to stop singing. I told him he had no right to say that and I would carry on singing, but the problem is once someone's told you to stop singing it sucks all the joy out of it, meaning you end up having to force it just to make your point. I eventually told him the next time he told me to shut up he could find somewhere else to live, and made it clear I meant it. I was not prepared to be silenced in my own home, plus it was triggering for me as my DF told me when I was a teen to " stop making that awful racket - you've got a horrible voice". Friends and other family members have all said I have a nice voice - like you I'm not gonna win prizes but it was pleasant enough pre menopause.

I couldn't stand my parents perfectly acceptable singing voices as a teen myself but would never have said so for fear of the consequences. I would speak to your DS re not making nasty comments, the virtues of learning to bite your tongue around authority figures, and the possible consequences of not doing so.

My DH always supported me with this, unlike yours. Also my DH has no sense of rhythm when he sings, and my DS sings in one key whilst strumming his guitar in another - and doesn't notice! I've never told either of them to shut up. Your DH is being a disrespectful arsehole, especially getting the kids to join in, and it's obvious where your DS gets it from. You need to be having a serious word with your DH about modelling a lack of respect for their DM to the kids. You stopping singing is just doing what they want- they probably won't even notice, much less care.

My DH sometimes whistles along when I’m listening to music. While it’s quite sweet really and I’m glad he likes the tune, it can also be quite annoying, especially if it’s classical or opera. Could it be that your singing along is spoiling their enjoyment of the music?

That’s really not how cohabiting with other people works. You need to actually listen to how your behaviour negatively impacts on others and make adjustments.

This post has made me so sad - my Mum
always sang when she was happy, she had a lovely voice. She passed away 4 years ago and I’d give anything to hear her singing away as she pottered about. I know it sounds morbid but I’d love to tell your family, please appreciate your happy singing Mum while you have her 🥺

Is it maybe the volume that the problem? He said it sounds like shouting, and the teens agreed so you’re actually being quite loud? As opposed to just happily singing along to the radio or humming a tune. Even with a great a singer, it would become very grating over time to hear them really singing loudly most of the day, every day.

Esoecially in public. If the teens had to actually tell you they didn’t like it and you assumed they meant in public then that implies that you’ve been out and about with them and randomly bursting (loudly) into son. That’s not great…

And good singers can lose their tune as they get older, and a child’s voice is very different from being a good singer as an adult. Maybe you don’t have the tone you think you do, and you’re just being a bit too loud with it.

Nothing wrong with quietly singing along to a song, just don’t make a performance out of it.

Of course there are moments when singing is distracting or inappropriate. Say if your dc is concentrating on some studying. But the correct thing to say is "Your singing is distracting me, please stop", not "your singing voice is bad" because it wouldn't matter if you're Adele in that situation, any singing would be distracting.

Your dc might not understand this distinction but your dh bloody well ought to

You just need to pack it in now. Now and again fine but it sounds like you’re constantly in song - that would drive me insane.

also you assumed your kids meant singing in public … so you do this isn public too?? It’s attention seeking and embarrassing op

Yes, this too. I love hearing the sound of people practising their instruments even though they're beginners and there's more stopping than playing!

Sing loud, sing proud 🎶😎👍

I'd have to sing more after their comments. You're not doing any harm, carry on!

This is a tricky one. I can see how it would be very hurtful to hear this, particularly if it’s an expression of your joy. And I understand the impulse to sing as I’ve always got one song or another stuck in my head and will often hum or sing when I’m on my own in the house or in the car.

However, I find it really intrusive and distracting when other people wander around singing or otherwise idly vocalising. I can’t explain it except that it feels like someone else imposing their mental soundtrack on me, and it also just makes me incredibly embarrassed and uncomfortable for some reason. It’s nothing to do with whether the person has a nice voice or not.

Also, if I’m in the car listening to the radio, I want to hear the music itself, not my driving companion singing over the top of it. And in an enclosed space with someone else singing I can feel quite trapped and irritated.

I wonder if it’s this, rather than your voice that’s the issue - and they haven’t said anything because they can tell singing is an expression of happiness and they don’t want to squelch that. But at the same time they have been finding it irritating and stressful.

I think you are fine tk sing Happy Birthday to your husband, and to sing at church - just maybe fewer Broadway show tunes as you’re pottering around the kitchen.

I was a decent singer when I was younger, had lead roles in am dram musicals etc but I’m not a good singer now. Lost it in my 40s and though I’ll sing along at concerts/to loud radio in the car, I know it’s gone off and wouldn’t sing around others daily. the last time I tried karaoke I realised I just couldn’t get the notes like I used to and my voice was weaker. I’d still happy birthday and wouldn’t have a rule about never singing, but I wouldn’t believe i still had it because of a choir in my youth. I think your DH was mean to put it so forcefully and shouldn’t upset you like that, but I think there’s a middle ground where you can enjoy singing but not be doing it a lot around people who don’t enjoy it. It sounds like he should apologise for being so harsh and you could adjust your perspective to some extent without going full on huff about it.

It is very for you hurtful to hear this, OP, but I have to say that I find random singing around the house to be extremely annoying, and I can easily imagine that an excellent singer would be extra annoying! - more annoying than a child, for instance.

So, I sympathise with you for the hurtfulness, but also with your family. It sounds like they are annoyed to have quite an intrusive noise forced on them. I don't think it has to do with the quality of your voice.

I think once you have recovered from the pain of just hearing this from your husband, you should find it in your heart to join in with family singing that everyone is doing.