AIBU to stop singing around my family after their comments?

What's "unreasonable" is that you didn't speak up to say how hurtful that was, and they need to understand that you sing for your own enjoyment.

Singing or whistling all the time when others are around is obnoxious and controlling. They probably said your singing was crap hoping you’d stop. I’d warrant they’ve asked nicely before and you’ve ignored.

Sorry but sounds annoying as fuck irrespective of how good your voice is

If someone can carry a tune, no one's voice is bad. They just don't want to hear her singing and using a hurtful insult to make her stop.

Unfortunately no, the first comment didn't nail it at all. Much more information needed, and the OP cannot provide it herself as she obviously thinks she's quite good - anybody ever heard of Florence Foster Jenkins? People can genuinely be very deluded about their own talents.

It depends very much on whether she bursts into song an insufferable amount and whether she is actually pleasant to listen to.

If she is a terrible singer or very intrusive with it and always bothering and attention seeking, they may have a point. It would be discourteous and intolerant of the OP to continue if this is the case.

She needs an independent assessment of her voice, not a long ago choir, and to be realistic with herself about how much she is doing this.

It is possible they are just being horrible to her - if so, that needs further investigation.

We can't help, because we cannot hear your voice and we cannot know how intrusive you are about singing.

My mum sings all the time. She’s not got a great voice but it’s not awful either it’s just non stop. A song comes on an advert and she’s belting it out, she overhears a phrase in someone else’s conversation out in public and she’s singing the song it reminds her of.car journeys are painful as she sings non stop. She often gets the words wrong too. It makes her happy but it made my childhood miserable to the point I never sing out loud because I don’t want to inflict that on anyone else. It is so intrusive and so all pervasive and if we dare
to ask her to stop, for example because we’re trying to have a conversation with her, she gets extremely arsey with us.

my brother now too sings all the fucking time. It’s not happiness with him it’s that someone once told him he has a good voice and so now we all have to hear it so we can praise him.

Ironically another brother is a professional singer and he never sings randomly or because he’s happy despite it being the thing that makes him feel the happiest.

Yanbu to feel hurt and to never sing happy birthday to him as he asked you to only sing in private so a bit of malicious compliance won’t go amiss. Yabu to think having an ok voice at 9 entitles you to sing incessantly when your family are going about their business 30 odd years later

As usual the first comment nails it - criticising for someone for happily singing as they go about their day is like a personal attack. I voted YABU because I think you just need to say "singing is a big part of me, I thought those comments were cruel and I'm really hurt" and carry on being you.
In terms of whether your husband is being truthful, it is possible to have a voice that sounds lovely in a group with music but not so fabulous when solo acappella. I have a relative who sings as part of a famous choir and she does a great job in the choir but her voice isn't the best unaccompanied. Not terrible though, just not amazing. I probably wouldn't sit and listen to her but I also would never say anything negative to her about it. She loves music and she's a joy to be around, which I'm sure you are too. Carry on singing, tell your DH and DC to pull their heads in!

Does it sound childish? Her husband of 20 years has said she should only sing when alone. It is not passive aggressive to not sing happy birthday to him, it is only doing exactly what he’s said she should do.

his comment was horrible, the kids were mean and I wonder if he’s as nice as you say because it was really nasty of him. I would talk to him. But is there something he does you don’t like that you can now firmly say you should never ever have to see it again?

Join a choir ! Get the fun back in your singing

How long ago/ how old were you when you were picked for the choir?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Going around the house singing randomly on a daily basis would drive me nuts. That's really annoying AND arrogant to think people want to hear it.

Your voice is probably not terrible at all. You do sound very dramatic to be this hurt at being told to stop singing all the time.

Yeah 100% this.

OP, my partner plays an instrument, he actually plays it really well, but after about an hour (half an hour?!) of listening to it I get irritated. I try not to be an arsehole about it, but I have explained to him that although it does sound lovely and melodic and stuff but still it can get irritating after a while. It’s a house, not a music school or a choir in your case. Both sides need to be mindful and conscious, I can’t stop him from his hobby but he also can’t force me to have to hear it every day. I think there’s a balance and maybe that’s what went wrong with your singing?

I think you've had a lot of very mean replies here, op, with many people projecting their own experiences and ignoring aspects of your post where you make it clear you only sing at appropriate times and not in an attention-seeking manner.

Please ignore all those you have assumed that just because your husband has been cruel to you, it must mean you're attention seeking.

I don't think you're unreasonable to not want to sing around them again but next time they ask you should tell them.

All this talk of an "independent assessment" is rubbish, you don't have to sing perfectly to sing in private!

Never stop singing! it is too good for the soul to be told by anyone to stop.

You've decided something quickly in a moment of hurt. but I really hope you reconsider. Tomorrow why not tell them how this made you feel and that actually you will continue to sing. It is not a choice to sing, it is simply something within you 🙂

Maybe hammering isn’t a good example. But it was the best I could come up with. For some people crafting it is highly therapeutic. Anything that one person enjoys but someone else finds irritating could be substituted.

I haven’t tried to make nasty comments. I have just tried to say that maybe everyone telling her to just sing should think about the other side. He should absolutely be kind and it sounds like he wasn’t. But he is maybe allowed to say something.

I am sorry if you get put down for occasional singing. I agree that is unpleasant of those around you.

I'm an appalling singer but in this case I'd be adding some terrible dancing in too.

I used to hate my family singing round me and they have decent voices but it used to cringe me right out.
We were always a generally close family and I get on with them but even now if they start singing (2 are in a choir) I can go and watch them happily at a performance but at each others houses I have to leave the room.

To be fair though I could never even stay through the singing sections at my children’s tots groups.

How often do you sing OP? If you’re evening singing in public, it does suggest that you sing a lot and it’s more likely that they are fed up of it rather than hating your voice.

And don’t be petty by not singing happy birthday - what sort of message is that sending to your children? You’ll be showing them they can never raise any concerns with you without you being passive aggressive and stroppy.

@Bobbie12345678 I get what you’re saying but comparing hammering to singing is not the best comparison. Singing is proven to be highly therapeutic, and quite frankly if you knew your loved one found this so enjoyable you’d not be making nasty comments.

My amount of singing is minuscule these days but I still get rolling of the eyes. I’m sorry, these things are (can be) put downs.

I come from a singing household, so don’t even realise when doing it, same with my siblings/parents. we are all likely awful but just feels good to have a sing! Husband is not, so I can imagine it drives him a bit bonkers, especially around our whole family. Luckily he has a lot of annoying habits too, so I’d be bringing those up if he ever mentioned it

This is very much a reply to isthisit2025. I have no idea how much you sing OP.

A question for isthisit2025.. what would your take be if someone loved crafting that included hammering. Would it be reasonable for them to regularly just start up in a shared space all the time? Should their DH have to leave the room all the time? In my opinion, one persons enjoyment of something does not make it something that everyone else has to put up with.

Nope I would someone singing all the time annoying. Fine if you sing in the shower but throughout the day yep I’d be rolling my eyes. It’s not so much your quality of voice, but the noise. It’s intrusive.

Honestly some of the comments on here are downright nasty. If singing makes you happy then bloody well do it, your ‘d’ H can leave the room if he doesn’t like it. Your DC are probably just being teens.

My partner has made comments when I sing. It hurts but I totally ignore him. I don’t sing as much as I used to but I sing all the time with my grandchildren. Singing is a huge release OP.

I don’t want to sound mean but it can be annoying, I had an ex who would rap in public I found it so cringe