AIBU to stop singing around my family after their comments?

Nah, nothing "petty" about it - in fact that's a very petty accusation.

They've made it clear they don't want to hear her sing, so she really shouldn't have to humiliate herself by joining in, knowing she's only being humoured (with barely concealed rolled eyes) for the sake of that one inane song.

Me too! Was so surprised by the majority of comments saying otherwise!!
It would annoy the hell out of me if my DH made random songs about stuff and was constantly singing throughout the day. I couldn’t bare it - regardless of how good / bad their voice is.

OP if you enjoying singing why not join a choir again, maybe the more modern pub choirs etc ? A nice way to socialise and get your singing fix with likeminded people.

This
Read the room, they want peace and quiet

Do people really talk and explain things like this to adults? It sounds like you’re talking to a 5 year old.

You would be unreasonable never to sing with them again because in relationships people say some hurtful things and you need to tell him how hurt you are.

He was unreasonable and rude to insult your singing so much. Even lovely singing I did annoying if it is disrupting my thoughts, which most of the time it will be. If he had said something along the lines of constant singing is annoying I would agree with him. But he didn’t, he insulted your voice and damaged your ego and he really didn’t need to if he just wanted you not to sing. That was hurtful and rude and he should apologise for it, as well as for getting your children to join in with the insults.

Its possible that they thought it was light hearted ribbing and don’t realise how hurtful it is.

We have a family member that sings. All the time and it is really annoying (and her voice is fine)

you would be exceptionally petty not to sing happy birthday

Isn’t that exactly what your family would love? For you to stop singing around them?

I’ve had coworkers who thought it was reasonable to sing entire songs along with the radio all day long so honestly I have to go with YABU. A one off every now and then is fine, but constantly can get annoying. A road trip and everyone is singing? Fine. Constant singing? It would probably get on my nerves.

Saying that, I think you had a bit of a bullying session at home. Their opinion was finally “out” so they’ve all decided to pile on. I’d be hurt about that, but you need to communicate it.

Not singing a simple happy birthday is silly and petty.

The sound of someone singing little ditties or to the radio etc, is the sound of someone feeling happy. They’re relaxed and secure enough to express themselves. Life can be really tough and no one should ever be trying to dampen others spirits, especially not people who love you.

It sounds as though they’re jealous and bitter. They need to give themselves a shake and realise having a happy mum/wife is a blessing. They need to sort their own shit out and not pick on someone else.

Good or not, I find people singing all time very selfish. Singing is fun. I love singing. However, imposing the noise on others is not on. Just as people decide when they want to listen to music or the radio, they should be able to decide when they hear singing. That's why most people only sing in private.

It sounds that your family were being incredibly kind and tolerant but this was the opportunity to finally tell you that they don't enjoy hearing you sing.

I think you're right - enjoy your singing when alone, and don't sing around those killjoys again.

They've made it clear they don't like it, so hearing their mum/wife in that sort of cheery mood is wasted on them.

"Passive aggressive"? I don't think so, you don't have to be meek about it. If they ask you to join in Happy Birthday, just say "Nah, fuck that, you can make fools of yourselves if you like."

I think the fact it's singing is kind of a red herring? You are doing something that irritates/annoys your entire family. It doesn't mean you have to stop singing altogether. It just means they don't always want to hear it. If it were the other way around, wouldn't you want your feelings to be considered?

I dont sing much but my ds tells me im a terrible singer whenever i do sing along to a favourite song on the radio and tbh know I'm a terrible singer. But I really wish ds didn't spoil my fun and little moments of happiness. Little comments like that can be hurtful and really knock your confidence. Although thats not the intention.
Id still sing along at dhs birthday op.

I agree. I've never known children liking their mothers singing once they get past the little kid stage. I can remember hating my mother doing it, she had a habit of singing while washing up.

Just don't.

This post made me feel really sad for you, OP. I would take the opportunity to sing when you’re driving your car and that sort of thing, and when your family are out of the house. And join another choir. Your husband is a fun sponge and I think your decision not to sing Happy Birthday to him is the right one.

There is a huge difference between “the constant singing gets really annoying, please stop/do it less” and “your voice is terrible, keep it to yourself”.

On the basis your H chose to say the latter, I wouldn’t bother singing happy birthday to him. He was unnecessarily hurtful and I’d feel beyond self conscious about it as a result so I wouldn’t say it was petty to actually do what he said.

Do they not listen to music? Or do they listen to music and not sing along?
No singing when your favourite song comes on the radio in the car?
No singing while cleaning?
No singing along to catchy ads on TV?
We're not good singers but we're happy and enthusiastic singers!
I suppose a good old boogie in the house isn't allowed either?!

Everyone should make annoying noises as much as they like no matter how it makes others feel! That is precisely what you just wrote when you look at it realistically.

Nope. I sing around the house, I sing in the kitchen, when working, have been in an a capella group and actually have been told repeatedly I have a great signing voice. I taught my kids when they were young that we sing because it fills us with joy.

I still don't overdo it, I don't sing when people are watching shows, sing over shows loudly embellish other people's music, take over at parties, insist upon karaoke or any of the other attention seeking behaviour that I have seen displayed by amateur singers.

Three people in her family are irritated enough to call her out on it. This means she is being discourteous and intrusive. It's certainly not her right to do so at other people's expense.

The other option is they are bullying her for some reason.

The answer is not "I will do what I want, fuck my family as it pleases me!" I think we can safely say that's never, actually the answer.

I don't care how well can someone can sing, I would find it irritating to have it in my home ALL the time. Sure, a little here and there but sometimes I just want to think in peace. Same goes for loud talking or someone watching a screen without headphones. I think it's a little rude for one member of the household to expect everyone else to listen to their noise, unless maybe if they are under 5 years old.

Obviously the family insulted OP to make her stop, but hth is the act of singing controlling? 🤷‍♀️

DH can objectively sing. It still drives me mad when he sings and hums all the time. #team family.

Yes, it's unlikely that it's come right out of the blue isn't it? I think they probably had to be blunt with her because she was not listening.

I've noticed that many people have a kind of shame around singing - they're ashamed to sing themselves, or think it's cringe, and feel vicarious shame around anyone else who sings or shows that they enjoy singing. It\s as if they are thinking "singing should be left to the professionals". Even on school trips there are loads of kids who can't bring themselves to join in with the bus ride singalong. I feel sorry for them. It's really a sad situation that your family cringe when you sing your happiness, but that feels more like a them problem. What is wrong with people singing? Everybody should sing more! It's good for our mental health.

Controlling 🙄🙄🙄

You sound like a real joy.

I grew up with a father who sang all the time. Your family are miserable shits OP, they should be pleased to hear you happy.