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Original poster

How can I stop my eight-year-old hiding soiled bedtime pants?

33 replies

CareHomeWorries · 01/04/2026 15:39

My youngest child is 8 this summer and still wears bedtime pants overnight due to continence issues caused by chronic constipation which we're treating. He's been seen by the consultant and we have a plan to sort the constipation but it's going to take time unfortunately.

Over the last few months he's been hiding his dirty pants around the house. I've found them under the sofa, in a drawer in his bedroom and in the kitchen.

I have multiple bins around the house and he has nappy sacks that he can easily access. He's never been told off by me for having accidents because it's out of his control but I'm getting really frustrated with finding soiled pants hidden in my home. I've asked him why he's hiding them and he can't tell me.

I'm not really sure what to do next tbh and would welcome ideas please!

OP posts:
JanBlues2026 · 01/04/2026 16:01

Have you asked him why he is hiding them? The hiding around the house when he has access to nappy sack and bins would make me consider autism as I have read about this sort of behaviour around poo. The constipation could also be linked to sensory issues around using the toilet.

Mumofteenandtween · 01/04/2026 15:59

Can you do a conversation along the lines of

”As you are a grown up boy now I think that you might be able to deal with the night time pants in a grown up way. Every morning can you put them in the bag, tie a knot in the bag and then take them outside to the dustbin?”

And the give him a chocolate button every time he does!

itsadlibitum · 01/04/2026 15:56

CareHomeWorries · 01/04/2026 15:51

He spends weekends with his dad who has shouted at him in the past over both him having accidents and using bedtime pants. His dad can't get in into his head that it's a medical issue and not the kiddo being bad or doing it deliberately.

I can put a bin in his room.

I would imagine that's a big part of it. Boys are particularly sensitive to the opinions of their dads at this age, and it's probably really impacting his confidence. Shame is a really tricky feeling to get rid of once its set in. I think all you can do is just keep talking to him, reassuring him, and talking him through a "plan" for what he can do if accidents happen and making it as easy for him as possible. A bin in his room sounds good, if he's feeling sensitive about it he probably wants privacy and doesn't want to carry them out his room.

Original poster
CareHomeWorries · 01/04/2026 15:52

Usernamenotfound1 · 01/04/2026 15:49

when you say “bins around the house” is there one in his room?

are we talking disposable nappy pants or washable pants?

he’s hiding them in his room, so presumably he’s waking, taking them off and disposing of them the easiest way he can. If they’re disposable put a lidded bin by his bed, if they’re washable a nappy pail. Anywhere he can shove them without actually thinking about the disposal process.

Disposable pants.

There's a bin in the toilet downstairs and one in the bathroom upstairs, as well as one in the kitchen. The upstairs bathroom is very close to his bedroom.

OP posts:
Original poster
CareHomeWorries · 01/04/2026 15:51

He spends weekends with his dad who has shouted at him in the past over both him having accidents and using bedtime pants. His dad can't get in into his head that it's a medical issue and not the kiddo being bad or doing it deliberately.

I can put a bin in his room.

OP posts:
Usernamenotfound1 · 01/04/2026 15:49

when you say “bins around the house” is there one in his room?

are we talking disposable nappy pants or washable pants?

he’s hiding them in his room, so presumably he’s waking, taking them off and disposing of them the easiest way he can. If they’re disposable put a lidded bin by his bed, if they’re washable a nappy pail. Anywhere he can shove them without actually thinking about the disposal process.

Excited101 · 01/04/2026 15:45

He’s clearly absolutely mortified about it. It doesn’t explain why he’s not just putting them in the bin, maybe some sort of attention seeking, is he trying to gain reassurance about it in a really bizarre seeming way?

Have you tried sticker chart/rewards for putting them in the bin? Alongside some bonding time for the pair of you to maybe address the attention seeking side of things? Has he got his own bin in his room? This might be something to chat through with him so there’s a plan he’s comfortable with.

itsadlibitum · 01/04/2026 15:45

Given you've not said otherwise, I assume no developmental issues.

The way you phrase it is interesting "he's never been told off by me". Has anyone else told him off for it/ made fun of it?

When you find the soiled pants do you express your "frustration", he might equate one with the other.

Regardless, it would appear he feels ashamed and needs to hide it. You need to figure out why and how to address is.