Using a name change for this one.
My husband works from home as a contractor. His hours can be 8–6 (sometimes later if he’s on call fixing issues), but he also has some flexibility – for example he might finish early some days to go to the gym.
I work 9–3:30, 4 days a week (term time), in quite a physical job where I’m on my feet most of the day.
The issue is the washing up. We don’t have space for a dishwasher, so everything is done by hand. When I get home, the washing up from the day – breakfast bowls from all of us, his lunch things, cups etc – is often just piled up waiting for me. I did rant about this once or twice because it felt frustrating walking in from work straight into a pile of dishes.
His solution now is to wash up only what he uses. So he washes his own plate, mug etc as he goes along, but leaves the children’s breakfast things, shared cups, etc for me to do when I get in.
When I mentioned this, I said it felt quite passive aggressive. He insists it’s not – he says he just doesn’t have 10 spare minutes in one go during the day to do everything, but washing his own things takes seconds so he just does that as he goes along.
The thing is, it’s giving me absolute rage every time I walk in and see the remaining pile. I do understand that he probably thinks he’s being helpful, but it feels a bit like he’s proving a point.
Part of me now wants to go full petty and just wash up my own things or only clean the bits of the house I personally use… which obviously isn’t the solution.
Am I being unreasonable to expect that if he’s home all day, the general daytime washing up would be done? Or is this a fair split and I need to let it go?
Interested to hear how others divide things when one partner WFH, particularly when there’s no dishwasher involved.