AIBU to feel hurt about being left off my brother's tattoo?

Did he do it on purpose!
I don't like tattoos but you sound nurt that you were left out.

If you want to take it further. Tell him you are upset. And to make things better.
Tell him you want you name in large letters with roses wrapped around the design. Tattooed in the front of his hand.

I'd be crushed too but I was always left out in my family so would be unsurprised. I'm sorry, it stings.

My advise is to use this reconsider where you stand in your family, redraw boundaries and decrease expectations while also decreasing kind/generous acts by you. Reserve your love for those who love you back.

My feeling is-once we're adults you need to EARN* your place in my life. We're all grown now so if you opt to treat me like shit I'll thank you for clarifying where we stand and adjust my own actions accordingly.

*by earn I mean don't intentionally leave me out of gatherings, don't shit talk me to everyone else, etc. I remember when my SILs crowed w/glee that they asked another SIL to a birthday party the day prior knowing she couldn't make it but they sure got a share of money from her for the expensive gift they bought. Thats the kind of shittiness I actively avoid today. My life is so much better without that kind of energy in it.

That's quite hurtful. Obviously you aren't as close as you thought.

I might pretend to believe him and have faux outrage that the tattooist didn't give him what he paid for, encourage him to go back and get it rectified. Tell him you can help him complain if he's not comfortable doing so, and you're going to leave a bad review for the tattooist for missing out names they were given to tattoo if they dont rectify their mistake. Maybe make him squirm a bit.

The whole thing is odd. The names, the leaving you off, the whole thing. I would say you are overthinking this, it sounds like you have some very complicated/ toxic family dynamics that are fuelling your feelings on this.

It's a very tacky idea. Be glad that your name isn't involved.

He's fallen out with all of you in turn, and one of your brothers' wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire... yet you describe yourself as all really close. There's clearly more going on here, I'm not sure that the tattoo is the issue I'd be getting worked up about.

It's odd to want names of people you fall out with and don't speak to for years tattooed on your body.

It's also odd to feel undervalued if someone doesn't have your name tattooed on their body.

You're overthinking this.

Over the years he’s fallen out with almost all of us individually at some point, he’s v immature obviously but he’s the youngest of us all so we all tend to give him a pass.

So stop giving him a pass. I'm also the eldest of a big family, but my youngest sibling is in his 40s, so the 'immaturity' label became irrelevant long ago. This brother is well into adulthood, right?

he’s actually in his way to meet our other db who wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire. Just amazes me with people in general who seem to be in awe of those who usually do duck all than to those who who’ve really been there when the chips are down

That's not how relationships work, though. You like who you like. 'Look how much I've done for you' isn't the way to anyone's heart.

he’s v immature

I think we already knew that. No one with any degree of maturity has a list of names tattooed on their arm. Even if your name and that of your son had been included, your brother would still be a twat.

He doesn't sound worth the trouble. Bin the cheap tattooed idiot and get on with your life without his shit.

Whilst I’m not a fan of tattoos I can relate to this. I have a brother who lived abroad for a while but then came back to England to live. He had a party where I met several friends he’d made over the years and they all acted astonished that there was a sister. They knew every other member of our family plus the dog and whatever but apparently I’d never had a single mention.

That was years ago and I’ve never forgotten how hurt I felt. We are really close as adults although definitely not as children.

His body he can have what he wants on it.
I never want to be tattooed on anyone.

I’d rather not be included in a tattoo. Fucking weird.

Yes i would feel very hurt but now you know he doesn't view you as close family, which means he is just using you when he stays. Up to you whether you accept the relationship on those new and updated terms.

he can be really pig headed at times and hasn’t spoken to me for 2 years before
Perhaps it's down to this and the reasons behind it.

hasn’t spoken to me for 2 years before

Reading between the lines, I don't think he feels as close to you as you seem to feel to him. You're not on the list. Maybe this is the bit in the story where you don't speak to him for two years.

Perhaps he's saving his left buttock for you OP?

I think I would be hurt too, it's a weird thing to be left out of, but I would feel left out!

I mean, the guy is 17 years younger than the OP, lives in Australia, and if at one point he didn't talk to her for two years, it doesn't suggest an entirely unproblematic relationship. At any rate, he didn't want it commemorated on his skin...

'Maybe the tattooist just ran out of arm'

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Is he going to rectify it? I’f not, then this is deliberate and he’s a user.

Why would your self worth be tied to whether someone has stabbed themselves repeatedly with a needle? It doesn’t mean anything, fact that they didn’t speak for ages is more key. That’s not a close relationship, that’s the stuff that really matters.

That's a bit weird and pointed to include all siblings and half siblings (plus some cousins) leaving out ONE sibling. It might be more understandable if he had included your DS instead of/to represent your branch as they grew up like brothers, but he's been left off as well.

That along with the update that he's cut you off for 2 years before because he was being pigheaded indicates that you're currently out of favour and he's letting you know. The tattooist forgot is a load of bullshit.

He sounds like a twat. I hate tattoos anyway.

But what if he had a tattoo that included his dad, siblings, and grandparents, and excluded you? It seems a bit different from not having a tattoo at all. What if, rather than a tattoo, it was piece of wall art that included all his closest family members, and not you?

Yeah. I'm going to feel like a second-class mother if DS doesn't tattoo 'MUM' on his bicep.