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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want this kind of relationship?

59 replies

Chocbicc · 01/04/2026 11:16

I have a DD who is 10. Her father and I split when she was a baby since then I’ve had 1 relationship which lasted 4 years and resulted in him cheating with a coworker. We lived together in my house so he moved out. I decided from then I do not want another man involved in my daughter’s life / childhood.

I met someone a year ago by chance. From the beginning I made it very clear I do not want anymore children. I also don’t want anyone involved in my child’s life. I said the most I want is someone to spend time with when my daughter is at her father’s but that is the extent and I appreciate that isn’t for everyone. He agreed and said he was happy with that.

The last few months he has been saying things such as ‘when we live together’ and talking about future holidays with my daughter as a family when we have children. I keep saying I do not want this he says he understands but will then bring it up again a week or so later. It’s frustrating because he currently lives in a small 2 bedroom house with his parents (he owns the property) and can’t afford anything else which is fine but what? Is expecting to be moving in with me? I think the reason why I find it frustrating is because he keeps bringing it up but he has no means to make this happen and not that I will but if I ever did ‘change my mind’ it would be on me to make it happen.

He is a really nice guy though and at times I feel I’m being unfair to him but I have always made my boundaries very clear and have said multiple times if he wants more from a relationship then he may be suited to someone else.

OP posts:
Gettingbysomehow · 01/04/2026 12:23

I dont let men move in with me ever. I learnt the hard way. This is my home, my private space and my investment.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 01/04/2026 12:20

Its fine to want it, but you need to be with a man who wants it too.

My Mum and StepDad never lived together, even after they married. That worked for them, because thats what they both wanted. If one of them hadn't, it would have caused resentment and eventually the end of the relationship.

Turns out you're not with a man who wants what you want. So it's ultimatum time. "This is what I want from a relationship. I apologise if I've not been clear enough about that previously, but I'm making it clear now. If that's not what you want, then now is the time to walk away. Otherwise, if you keep bringing it up, I'm walking away"

DramaQueenlady · 01/04/2026 11:50

MyFunSloth · 01/04/2026 11:19

He is hoping that you’ll change your mind. You may feel you have been direct with him about your decisions, but many people only hear what they want to hear, and persist in wishful thinking.

My advice would be to sit him down, and tell him very kindly that while you care about him a great deal, there are certain things that you cannot offer and that any discussion of the future simply has to acknowledge and respect that. You need to eliminate all possible room for confusion. If he cannot handle that, then you may have to end the relationship, but at least you will know where you stand.

This

BillieWiper · 01/04/2026 11:32

Yeah you need to part ways amicably. It's not fair on him as he clearly wants more than you're willing to give. Nothing wrong with wanting what you do but he clearly doesn't. The last thing you want is to either string him along or he ends up pressing you into things you're not comfortable with.

Usernamenotfound1 · 01/04/2026 11:28

You need to end things. Clearly he wants more - he’s looking toward a future as a “proper” couple.

He wants a family and children. You need to cut him loose if that’s not what you want.

TrashHeap · 01/04/2026 11:24

You need to end things because he has clear designs on something you don't want.

TeeBee · 01/04/2026 11:22

He’s trying to wear you down. Doesn’t sound like he wants the same as you so I’m not sure how this can work over the long term.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 01/04/2026 11:20

It's not that not listening to you, it's that he's ignoring what you say.
🚩🚩🚩

MyFunSloth · 01/04/2026 11:19

He is hoping that you’ll change your mind. You may feel you have been direct with him about your decisions, but many people only hear what they want to hear, and persist in wishful thinking.

My advice would be to sit him down, and tell him very kindly that while you care about him a great deal, there are certain things that you cannot offer and that any discussion of the future simply has to acknowledge and respect that. You need to eliminate all possible room for confusion. If he cannot handle that, then you may have to end the relationship, but at least you will know where you stand.