To want this kind of relationship?

And you've got social work involvement and all you seem to care about is punishing your 12 year old kid that kid is going to leave home as soon as he's 16 and you won't see him again - he's already clearly broken

Poor child. Imagine being spoken about like that by your parent and a step dad who clearly resents him - and you wonder why he's getting detentions at school. He's clearly miserable and very unhappy

He should be your first priority. Not your idiot partner. Words actually fail me.

You need to start your own thread - poor kid. He's 12. Your partner sounds horrible. Taking away his PlayStation. Saying he's gaslighting you - he's 12

Your partner sounds like he hates your child

You've been honest with him about the relationship you want. He clearly hopes you'll change your mind. In fairness to both of you, you should let him go now, so you can find someone else who's happy to play a lesser part in your life and he can find a partner who wants to make a family with him.

Help!!

So my son is 12 now and we have had alot of issues over the years but we currently have a family practitioner (lowest level of social worker) and she seems to come over and repeat herself everytime but nothing is going in. My son is getting detentions everyday at school (we are due to have a meeting with them soon). He also treats the house like a hotel and won't do anything to help out even when offered pocket money. He speaks to me like crap and will gaslight me regularly and argues with my partner (not bio dad). He also ignores rules such as come back after x hours when you go out.

We are at the end of our tethers. I am currently 19 weeks pregnant and was really kinda looking forward to making a big thing out of my son's birthday. As above it's his 13th and also his last birthday in this house as a single child. I will be 34/35 weeks on his birthday and was looking forward to getting his room decorated, having a BBQ with 3 other kids staying over (2 of which being cousins) and some presents including him getting his PS5 back which he has had taken away until he can have 5 days without detentions.

My partner has said if he doesn't improve he's just going to get £20 in a card and that's it. Nothing else. Obviously this isn't quite how it will be but I wonder if we should be celebrating as my son is currently stating "there's no point" and "I'm not doing it" when we talk about putting changes in place. Yet when he gets punished he yells and screams he "hates living here" and has even called me "a shit parent".

I just don't know what to do. My mother's instinct is dying to do something for his birthday but I don'want to want to reward bad behaviour but I'm also terrified of triggering myself into PND. His behaviour already depresses me on a daily basis!!

When he found out me and my partner were trying for a baby he literally said he would make a change when we find out I'm pregnant. Now he's saying he'll calm down when the baby is born. He's good as gold everywhere else he goes just me and my partner always get the worse end of the deal and the thing is we're the ones who have always been there for him.

Not on here! It's the sort of thing your friends might say, but MN would be majority 'He told you what he wants'.

I'm sorry he's doing this to you, OP, it must be a big disappointment. I tend to agree that it sounds like he's trying to wear you down - if you've said more than once that you're not looking for the future he's describing, he isn't respecting your views. You evidently want different things now so, sad as it may be, it's wisest to recognise that and go your separate ways.

Yes. They've been in a relationship for a year. I personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who had such rigid rules. The OP would be better being single or having a friend with benefits

Someone who only wants to see someone when their child is at their father's is a complete time waster in my view and has totally unrealistic expectations about what being in a relationship is

Don't use people and then moan when they've fallen for you

I think some posters are being unfair to him. He's guilty of not listening to you for sure but I also think you bear some of the responsibility in letting this drag on and responding to him with frustration that he keeps bringing it up. In other words, you're not listening to him either! He is telling you loud and clear he needs more than you are willing to give. Time for a serious, probably relationship-ending conversation I'm afraid.

Yes that's it. It's over so she just needs to end it as soon as possible.

Absurd.

You'll probably find it hard to date until your child is an adult if you don't want them in her life on any level. You might be better with a very casual relationship situation

You would be better telling him it's over as you want different things and he obviously wants more than you do

It's clearly over so just tell him

If you are going to be a loosy goosy pick up men at a bar and throw them out the next morning and don't spend time with them

He sees himself sliding comfortably into a comfortable life - in your house, with a ready-made daughter... then he wants you pregnant so that you're tied to him.
Get rid.

I've had this with people (both men and women) agreeing initially but then hoping you'll change your mind. It's not right, you've set your boundaries and he's not listening to you. Stick to your guns - if he's good, maybe he just needs setting right once and for all, but if not then he's probably not the right partner

I'm wondering - do you have evidence that he owns the property he lives in with his parents? It's a rather unusual set up.

From what you say, there are several issues here. You have made your needs and boundaries quite clear. Despite this and having explained in several different ways, he seems to reset. Having had a very controlling marriage, I would find this behaviour a very clear indicator of trouble.

Normal is a cycle on a washing machine, and relationships mean different things to different people and if fundamentally right, require fine-tuning and maintenance. However, (along with a wealth of other variables) someone should compliment your life and be aligned with your values. We must make decisions for ourselves, but personally, I believe your needs and desires mutually incompatible.

Bin. You have a different agenda

He is trying to wear you down and hoping you will change your mind.

He’s an idiot for not listening to you, but I think in these circumstances it’s always best for the person who wants less commitment to end things. The person who wants more, whether it’s marriage or children, always expects the other person to change their mind, and in fairness, often they do. He’ll only believe you when you end it.

He’s looking to move in OP. He doesn’t care about what you want, his wants are more important.

I agree with this post. How often are you able to spend time together? A relationship for 50% of the time living separate is one thing but if it’s every other weekend you really shouldn’t be looking for anything more than FWB as that’s not even a relationship. You probably need to think yourself what you can offer a man in terms of time and commitment and whether that is fitting with a real life relationship.

Walking talking 🚩

Next time he brings it up, ask him 'How?'
'How are we going to be living together?'
'How are we having children together?'
Then stay quiet and wait for him to provide a logical answer.
Only 2 things will happen- he will either stop bringing it up, so you win.
Or he will get scared and run away, so you win again.
Best wishes OP, good on you for being strong and sensible.
Xx

But why is it her responsibility to end the relationship. She isnt stringing him along, she has been very clear, so he can stay and accept what she has told him (several times) or leave.

🚩🚩🚩🚩