Is MN feeding unhealthy attitudes towards men?

I don't think the content on MN is going to change many people's minds OP. Those who have positive relationships with men and good men in their lives are not suddenly going to start mistrusting them; similarly the MNers who hate all men are not going to be persuaded otherwise. There is a lot of crazy stuff on MN, but I think most posters are intelligent enough to recognise that most areas of life contain shades of grey rather than being purely black and white!

I will say that the things some men write on Reddit and Pistonheads give me more negative opinions than what women on MN write.

No. I think MN at times reflects the negative experiences many women have with men.
I think that by acting as a space where women can share these and offer perspectives and suggestions to manage them, it raises awareness of the problems and encourages women to explore ways to mitigate them.
There is a myth perpetuated by people uncomfortable with women doing this that this is a site of man haters intent on discrediting men and exercising a dangerous influence. This is not supported by any evidence either from content (where balanced comment and pro male comment together vastly out weighs any genuine 'anti male' content) or by any real life impact.
If you are able to give one evidenced example of a societal change that has been unfairly detrimental to men arising from 'unhealthy attitudes' arising from this site, then I'd be open to review my opinion of course.

I do agree with this. Its mental that normal human interactions by men get interpreted as ' sexist, toxic and entitled.' What's wrong with a man starting a conversation with a woman? Just make it clear you would rather be by yourself if you don't want to chat. Also men helping women out. When I went to the gym for the first time a very nice bloke, who was not hitting on me and never has, saw I was a bit clueless and came over and showed me how things worked. I don't want men to be put off normal helpfulness and friendliness. I don't think that will make the world better. If a man (or woman) is trying to interact and I don't want him to, I am perfectly capable of politely communicating that.

No I can’t say I’ve personally seen this.
I have seen lots of feminists who correctly identify the harmful impact of sexism on themselves and the men in their lives who’ve had enough.

it’s not ok for men expect their wives to do everything and for women to be ok with them getting lazy because in the past they enabled it.

ive seen similar attitudes regarding women and doing things men’s way on this board too. Have you heard of confirmation bias? If you’re looking for it you’ll find it.

you need to treat your husband with respect. If you are taking stuff out on him because you’re triggered by what you see on here, maybe you need to think about your own attitudes towards men and how things are in your relationship.

This - horribly unfair.

I agree. Men are equals so it’s right to expect them to step up, but respect goes both ways.

I think it's a mix. Sometimes people come on here and post asking if their partners bad behaviour is normal or not as there are some women who've lived with this so long that they can no longer see clearly that they are living with a tosser. Hopefully MN advice and shared experiences can give people the clear vision they need to go forward, whatever going forward looks like for them.

However, I find the cries of 'divorce him' immediately if a man has just done something annoying, or unthinking unrealistic and very unforgiving. Nobody is perfect. Far better to work together and sort things to stop things like this happening again.

I hope that people can just take the good information here away and ignore the extreme views. I guess most people can.

Yes, lonely people oversharing isn't only a male thing. Men may be more likely to open up to a woman/think she should or would listen, though.

I agree with much of this post, but it shows a gobsmacking lack of understanding and sympathy in relation to erectile dysfunction.

Can you imagine how you'd react if a man in his forties posted about a woman partner with sexual dysfunction and specifically difficulties in achieving physical arousal, and asked "who wants to be saddled with that?" I'm sure they'd be absolutely slated on here, and rightly so.

Mumsnet seems to be full of male apologists. My favorite at the moment is the woman who was told that it’s her fault her partner keeps spoiling her stuff in the wash because she should sort it out for him. The key word here is “keeps”. That’s not a mistake that anyone could make. It’s persistent-in a way that presumably he doesn’t act at work.

If anything, the “issue” with MN (and most of the posters) is that they expect more from men, because they know they can do it. Men are just as capable of being fully functional adults/parents and that should be the basic standard/expectation for a decent human being.Some choose not to be. That’s on them.

No, I think MN can be too soft on women who hurt other women too, or children. The threads trying to excuse Paris Mayo's infanticide by insisting she didn't know what she was doing were something to see.
I also really dislike posts saying 'only the cheating partner is in the wrong, the OW doesn't owe you anything', which often assume OW doesn't know the cheater is married: sometimes yes, but sometimes no.

gosh. well, on reflection: nope.

(not all) men can be absolute misogynist fuckers. Some really appear to hate women. And if you spend any time outside of MN online you will see it. Everywhere. Times online comments to the very depths of Reddit and beyond.

And other men who don't say "oy, mate, pack it in" are part of the problem. Always have been.

And my theory is that now they are feeling the heat as well as those in the Manosphere/Incel-culture, they don't like it. Don't like being held to account. Which is, for the most part, what women do here.

And yes, even here there are man-haters. Compared to the woman hate "out there"? meh. I don't agree with them, i understand some of the reasoning when they explain, but meh. And as long as men hold all the cards in society? i am not part of the problem because I'm not causing the problems that men are getting pushback for.

No, all I seem to read about here is men who’ve left their “partner” financially vulnerable or men who do nothing around the home despite their wife also working, men who’ve cheated etc etc.

However I’m also aware that not all men are like this as it doesn’t resemble most of the ones I know in real life, in fact it helps me recognise all the more what a good one I’ve got - it doesn’t make me treat him worse!!

People don’t post about their great husbands, only the problematic ones.

I think now is a good time to remind people of the rules of misogny:

1. Women are responsible for what men do.

2. Women saying no to men is a hate crime.

3. Women speaking for themselves are exclusionary and selfish.

4. Women’s opinions are violence against men, thus male violence against women is justified.

5. Women and Feminism must be useful to men or they are worthless.

6. Women who go around being female AT men by menstruating and breastfeeding babies deserve punishment.

7. Women should always be grateful to men for everything.

8. Men are whatever men say they are and women are whatever men say they are.

9. Men always know the “real reasons” for everything women do and say.

10. The worst thing about male violence is that it makes men look bad.

11. Whatever women suffer from, it is worse when it happens to men.

12. Women’s ability to recognize male behavior patterns is misandry.

13. Angry women are crazy. Angry men have trouble expressing themselves.

14. Women have all the rights they need: The right to remain silent.

15. Men are the default human. Women are strange subhuman others.

This

This is a women-led site, centred on parenting.

I believe that, on average, women invest a lot more of their time, energy and thinking into being good mothers, than men do into being good fathers. Women are far more likely sacrifice their own wellbeing for the sake of their children (and, to a lesser extent, their family, friends and communities).

So it is hardly surprising that the many, many ways in which this male selfishness impacts women get played out on this board.

That's before you you even consider male violence etc.

I think some posts are unnecessarily harsh on men but I don't fully agree with you either.

I do think that some mental load problems are caused or exacerbated by women often having higher standards, so they may default to doing it not simply to make sure it gets done, but to make sure it gets done their way.

No. I think Mumsnet is feeding more healthy attitudes towards men. The attitude of "stop giving them a free pass because they're men".

And I say that as a man.

A lot of men are lazy. A lot of men are rude, unthinking, bad partners. And a lot of men are abusive. I'm not saying that because I've spent too much time on Mumsnet. I'm saying it because it's what I've seen, because it's what I've had modelled to me, and because for some of the above, it's what I've been.

I grew up letting my Mum do all the cleaning, all the cooking, barely lifting a finger to help because that's what I had modelled to me. My brother is still like that now, whereas in our home the split is 50 /50 between DP and I.

I cheated on my first few girlfriends, because again, that was what I had modelled to me by my Dad. Everyone still thought he was a great guy despite his serial affairs. His life didn't get ruined when he was found out, so what was the harm in me doing the same?

I'm not saying men are worse than women. Women can be lazy, women can cheat. Women can leave and never see their kids again, leaving the other parent to raise them.

The difference is, women tend to get crucified for that behaviour. A woman who sits on her arse all day is lazy, whereas if I spend all day sat watching rugby game after rugby game it's well deserved downtime. A woman who abandons her kids is literally Satan, whereas when a man does it it's often made out to be the bitter ex-wifes fault.

People, by default, are a bit shit. What stops us being shit is the need to be socially accepted. Without that need, the human race probably wouldn't exist. Women get judged plenty for not upholding the social contract. Men don't, and as a result we're still a bit shit.

That is changing, slowly. Men are being held to account more and more. And Mumsnet is a part of that. It's helping women realise that their husbands, fathers, brothers, sons, behaviour is often not acceptable. It's helping women teach their sons to be better men.

It's not enough though, and it won't be until men start properly holding other men to account.

The only way Andrew Tate and people like the OP can gloss over these facts is to cry about how women are emasculating men. God forbid women should be able to openly discuss relationships online. It must be stopped immediately 🙄

Mumsnet as it is now may well be feeding unhealthy attitudes because most of us can see that a huge number of posts are purely to be goady and not posted in good faith. It seems far too many, even a majority of posts are coming from either “journalists” looking to write a story, or bad faith actors looking to stoke a culture war, or even posts placed seemingly only to drive traffic. Many of these appear to be AI generated.

Previously if would have given a more honest view, which may well have seemed unhealthy because the majority of posts were good faith posts where women were simply posting about their lived experience. Given few will post about positive situations because of the nature of a website purporting to give help and support, it stands to reason the narrative will skew negative.

Lol, is this an April Fool's joke OP? 🤣🤣

Yes, but as I am often told, most men are lovely so we can't talk about VAWG in case the lovely ones are offended.

No, men are feeding / creating bad attitudes around men.