Is MN feeding unhealthy attitudes towards men?

Some people need to read about the feminist theory of male-identified women (nothing to do with women who identify as males).

Its very possible but equally when women post about how ND affects them on threas which are about disability, invisible disability with assumptions of 'well why cant someone just do this, or that, or change this or that, or work at this or that', a lot of sympathy is given and allowances made for those posters as to how their ND affects them. Lots of discussion about how if you are ND, ALL of your behaviour is therefore coloured by that. Behaviour is communication etc.

What sexual act?

Well it's certainly my go-to when I see women on here defending men at all costs that they're either handmaidens or men's activists.

Are you also "agog" at the countless threads describing men's violence, lack of active partnering and parenting or child abandonment?

Yes, I do think AIBU overall is weird. Not just about men.

This.^^

Also a poster further back, cant scroll back so cant remember who and cant quote the exact words but said something along the lines of 'I know how a good man should look and behave'

Just turn that into I know how a good woman should look and behave. Said by a man. I wouldnt be happy with that.

Pigeon holing anyone is not helpful

One hundred percent this. My dad was absent and my step dad was violent and abusive and for a long time my standards were pretty poor to the point I ended up in my own abusive relationship.

After that I met my daughter's dad who is the most thoroughly decent man I've ever met and I couldn't have given my daughter a better dad. He's her standard and I think God every day for that. She's 10 and has no truck with 'boys will be boys', I'm near 50 and I will never be in a relationship with a man again. Once you know what a good man looks like, you can't help but realise how fucking awful so many of the rest of them are.

Women respond to how men treat them. Nobody is plucking it out of thin air. Mumsnet is almost a form of consciousness raising - women talk about their experiences and we see patterns. That's why men don't like women gathering.

Otoh the long running threads on here for partners of ND men seem to indicate that often ND is used to excuse behaviour that may just be due to the man in question being unpleasant.

Right...but a lot of the time people seem to excuse the OW from judgement entirely, I've seen lots of comments like 'She owes you nothing' etc. I mean, I think it's fair to say we owe it to other people in general not to do things like lying or cheating- stuff which isn't illegal but it clearly unethical.

Well the label thing tends to have a sex to it (I dont use the term gender), so as a child, a male child with difficult or challenging behaviour, rigidity, lack of communication and engagement is talked about as ND or perhaps already diagnosed so lots of advice about how to support, behaviour is communication, mums being persuaded to put up with aggression and violence etc etc due to SEN

Adulthood comes along - apparently his violence and aggression or rigidity/lack of communication, black and white thinking is now just toxic and arsehole behaviour and nothing to do with ND.

I believe it does. MN is very black and white, all or nothing. It's very cliquey - if you don't agree with the hysteria you are labelled a 'cool girl' or a 'pick me'.

Realistically, yes, I know a horrifying number of men are pricks. Men can abuse their power. They can have horrible, patriarchal attitudes.

But there are good guys, kind men, gentle men, loving and respectful men. My husband is one of these and I see how the 'all men are' discourse affects him. He's never hurt anyone. He protects and loves. He's not oblivious to the hatred that some women have of all men.
My father, my grandfather, my uncles...good men.

We run the risk of isolating good men.

Black and white arguments are easy. But don't settle for easy.

MRAs have arrived

Yup. A man has sexual problems so he's porn-addled, "death-grip", useless, probably a narcissist/misogynist and should be binned off asap. A woman has sexual problems and she deserves understanding, support, patience and she should probably bin him off because he doesn't deserve her.

and that is fine, because nobody can see inside my marriage. But for example, i hold a very low opinion of so many men, and the more i see on here about individual abusive marriages, the more i see small behaviours among my friends that suggest they may experience the same away from outside eyes.

I am neutral to sceptical about all men until they show me otherwise (the coffee shop man mentioned upthread was entirely of the OPs making. He only "looked" as though he was begging for interaction, so the bountiful OP indulged that. On her not him, I'm afraid)

As it happens: my DH is fab, we have a lot of the same interests, we always have (which is how we ended up together). He does cooking, cleaning, and did his part bringing up our kids including recognising that SAHMotherhood wasn't for me and took the last 18 months of our parental leave so i could get back to the workplace). Has never complained either that i have mostly earned (way) more than him, and even when i haven't, has never complained if i bought something for me on a whim. And it goes the other way too. And of course we bicker sometimes. And sometimes we disagree fundamentally on a thing (but not often).

So why would i make a moany post about him?

My late dh was a great dh and father and so was my dad. I think it's given me high standards regarding men. I'm amazed at what some women on mumsnet put up with in a relationship.

I guess if you have low standards due to having a crap father and relationships, you'd probably think it was normal and that people are being harsh on mumsnet to expect any more of men.

In the vast majority of cases on here, women are responding to how men treat them. I've not seen anything towards men or any man that isn't wholly justified.

The incessant 'give him a list' that comes from both men AND WOMEN is where the perpetuation of them being helpless comes from. 'Leaders and providers' but they can't work a washing machine or work out what goes in it without repeated step by step instructions. On their own fucking head.

Maybe the answer is to limit time on MN?

A lot of SM can be fine in moderation but starts to skew views unhelpfully if you use it too much.

Or stick to hobby boards, child advice etc

No its not assuming the OW doesn't know he is married. Its stating the H is the only person who is capable of maintaining his fidelity or of cheating. No woman can make him cheat. The responsibility for his faithfulness is his, and his alone.

That’s a really bad example. As you say the key word is “keeps”. It’s a mistake I could easily make, I ruined a pair of my own very expensive socks this week by inadvertently putting them in the tumble dryer. It would only have to happen once for me to separate anything that could easily be ruined so my posh socks will no longer be washed with everything else and won’t go in the laundry basket. If you keep doing the same thing the result won’t change.

Yes I do, its almost militant. I think men get a really rough ride sometimes not always warranted.

the amount of threads where someone puts grim, LTB or call him useless at the start of a thread tends to set the standard.

The narratives on here of exact ‘time off’ sahm is a full time job so DH should pay you, he shouldn’t be allowed hobby time once he has a family, if he had children from a prev relationship they aren’t part of your family.

really bizarre attitudes at times

the use of labels too, guaranteed every thread someone is diagnosing ND or something else

What do you think of the men who use it as a site to find sex partners?

Or the posters who were condoning teens having sex?

Hmm, sounds controlling and toxic, hope you pressed the panic alarm!!!!

I have to disagree with the third paragraph, viz: ‘Men are seen to be babies who can't do anything for themselves, and need to have someone pre plan and organise their lives, but god forbid they fall into the pattern of behaviour of expecting their female partner to do these things for them, as that's what they've always done’
While there are some posts along these lines they are outweighed by posters saying they are unhappy as the man or men in their lives are treating them badly.
And that is their valid experience.
As PP have said, Mumsnetters rarely post about their happy relationships with good and kind partners. Why would they?