Is MN feeding unhealthy attitudes towards men?

There's every point arguing against it if you have another view. If you have a compelling argument that resonates with others, and/or you can support it with evidence then you have an excellent chance of people agreeing with you. Blaming a site of 8 million for having a collective 'attitude' that means you are a lone voice, ridiculed and left out in the cold, isn't a proportionate response to holding a minority view. Why not either defend your view, or if you feel you can't, consider whether you need to find a more persuasive argument or robust evidence, or perhaps even reflect on whether you are right?

Not read through all posts but I’ve been married 31 years to my husband and 10 years 1st time round so seen and experienced a lot in life in my 62 years . 1st marriage involved mental and sometimes physical abuse , my marriage now, not perfect but we’ve worked through it and happy but not without its faults.

2 out of 3 marriages fail and I’m guessing a lot of relationships are same if not worse odds .

Of course posts are going to be about men and their failures , bad habits, affairs etc.
I don’t know if there is a ‘dadsnet’ but if there was, don’t you think a high proportion of posts would be about women, relationships etc , there’s some bitter and nasty men out there as we know (as there are women of course )

It takes all sorts to make a world, and there’s a high proportion of women who have a real hard time with their man so posts are mostly going to be negative .

For those of us lucky ones who have a ‘good’ man posts can seem a little one sided against men.
For me personally , I’ve seen both sides of the coin, and yes I think a lot of the posts are justified .
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This is all I want to say.

No OP - it’s MEN’S unhealthy attitudes & behaviours that feed negative attitudes towards men. MN is simply allowing more women to share their experiences of shitty men and get good advice from other women.

Agree on both observations. When the issue is small there can be a question as to whether it is an underlying pattern of behaviour. And when the issue is an underlying pattern of behaviour often the poster comes on thinking it is small. MN is really good at probing these situations in a way that most posters would leave them under the surface. But under the surface trauma surfaces in very dysfunctional ways.

I watched a video recently of a man talking about his responsibility at being abused as a small child, had the interviewer not probed him about whether he really carried that responsibility or whether the truth was he had been groomed by a predator that belief of responsibility would have stayed with that man for maybe his whole life.

That is what MN does many times over. When someone come in with a surface level belief about a problem, MN probes to see if it has deeper roots and most problems actually do. People behave in patterns and if those patterns are destructive or abusive challenging them is necessary for healthy and safe life. MN excels at looking under the surface at dynamics.

Im more scared of some of the women that I am men.

My unhealthy attitude towards men comes from the behaviour of men themselves and not mumsnet.

Right. So a summary:

MN are the same as incels and make women hate men.
MN posters don't discuss politics or the economy. 🙄
Women should not be given the vote as they are too emotional.
MN is like the manosphere. May be we encourage women to hit and rape their men?

Men really don't like women gathering.

Sounds good to me - I'm older and seen a lot more shit from men. I'm guessing you are mid to late 30s?

The rest of the story doesn’t matter. She insists he doesn’t do washing probably because he’s incapable of reading a label and checking how to wash clothes. He did it anyway and did the thing she has been trying to avoid happening. You appear to suggest we should accept basic adulting failures on the basis that “at least he is helping” which is a really low bar. Nobody suggests LTB because someone has shrunk a jumper.

It's not a conspiracy and there are a lot of crap men, but it is skewed due to those with good DHs not being as likely to need to post.

I also think women have always discussed these problems- more pressure to be quiet in past times though- but it feels more overwhelming when you see so many posts the way you do online. It shows the larger scope of the problems.

I do think it's probably best not to read relationship threads too much as it does get depressing.

There are lots of MRAs who trawl MN looking for grievance with women. Which is both depressing and frightening.

MN just confirms to me how low the bar is set for men. It baffles me the amount of women who actually defend their behaviour as normal.

The Manosphere basically advocates for women to be servants to men and encourages the use of violence towards women if they do not serve a man to his standards.

MN advocates for women not to put up with being treated as a servant and to leave a man if he is controlling or being violent. It advocates for their independence from men rather than being treated poorly.

Men want the use of women as part of dominance over women. Women want themselves and advocate for others to be free of men and to do things on their own terms not on the terms set for them which aren't in their interests and sometimes are actually harmful because no thought has been given to them.

I encourage everyone here to read 'Invisible Women' for lots of examples of how women are not considered - everything from health care to product design to issues around childcare. It is not extreme or particularly radical in the slightest. It merely points out the stuff that gets unnoticed because it's men who make decisions and don't have the life experiences of women and women are excluded from these conversations for various reasons.

Women are advocating greater equality, visibility of their issues or just general independence from having to be dependent on men on MN. The Manosphere advocates for the subservience of women and the loss of women's voices.

Even this thread is the stuff of the manosphere as it's seeking to crush this idea of women speaking for themselves, about themselves and advocating for themselves.

The comparison between the two is a fundamental lack of understanding of the Manosphere and trying to draw false equivalency.

Women do not have equality in many areas. People who say differently aren't really paying attention.

That’s perfectly possible in terms of why they struggle to find one but that wasn’t really my point. Just explaining why some women can seek relationships despite having an issue with men who are not good partners.

I'm astonished that nobody else seems to have noticed that comment! This thread on why MN is mean to men was inspired by a thread where the husband asked for an open marriage then decided to keep the wife on the back burner while he decides if he has any other better options. The vast majority of comments are that this is really shitty behaviour and she is worth more than being a back up plan.

THAT is the thread that made the OP conclude that MN attitude towards men is unfair? I've checked the date today, we're being wound up.

I think this is it. Hands down.

If you are so influenced by one singular website that it skews your own relationship then you have bigger problems.

Was that article leaning towards the ridiculous “toxic femininity” narrative that manosphere influencers have started using to try and debunk toxic masculinity? Do you believe a single article must be taken as fact? I’ve read articles that spewed the most ridiculous bullshit. My next step is to find others which balance the view or back it up. Then I take a wider view.

Reddit is a cesspit. You can find any sub which will support your world view.

It’s not just that. There is a lot of societal pressure and vitriol aimed at single women. I have been single for 14 years as I never meet people I want to be with. And people are incredibly negative and sneering about that. Luckily I don’t give a fuck what people think, can afford to live alone and was never fussed by having kids.

Had any of those not been the case I could have easily settled for a poor quality partnership.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

nothing could be further from the truth. there’s a lot of male apologists on here too.

There are very few posters who come on here whose DH is a decent guy. So by definition, posters are talking about shit men who are making them unhappy.

quite right to be tough on them.

And what’s the worst that could happen? Some man gets kicked out the marital home for not doing the washing up?

the manosphere on the other hand encourages rape and violence towards women.

Not the direct reason no. The top reason I think is they want children.

100%.

When I was new here i posted something about my DH being unthinking and people probed and pushed the idea he was probably a terrible husband and this was the tip of the iceberg. It wasn't, and i was genuinely shocked.

BUT.... in the decade since, I have now seen myself soooooo many times that when a poster posts about a 'small issue' it IS actually more often than not the tip of the iceberg and they are being horribly controlled and emotionally abused by a terrible partner. So yes, MN does make you more cynical about male partners. It's sad. But it's no conspiracy, it's a reflection of the real world that can only be seen when women are anonymous online and supported to share things they normally hide.

You are 100% correct!

I don't think sex is the top reason why women settle for bad men..