Is MN feeding unhealthy attitudes towards men?

Sorry I don't know how to respond directly to a few people who responded to me. Firstly, thanks for the respectful tone and not jumping on me for having differing views (was actually a little anxious when I saw I'd been responded to directly!) Clearly I'm a Reddit novice as I didn't understand half of the terminology you were using! I've never come across the vile stuff you referred to but I don't doubt it's there. When I log on, I see a stream of posts about personal finance, films and tv, travel, parenting, local news etc. Basically the things that interest me. I notice if someone says something that comes across as insulting or abusive there, it gets down voted and kind of disappears. Where there's a discussion about e.g. how a co-parent has done something wrong, it doesn't automatically descend into a feeding frenzy about how awful that person is. But just to back up what some of your are saying, I referred back to the study on male / female hate speech - and it was actually based on male and female hating forums that are posted on Reddit! Anyway, on Mumsnet, I see lots of discussions with a general undertone that men are useless, pathetic, stupid, manipulative, a waste of space etc I guess if I saw women discussed the same way it would make me feel quite disgusted. I wonder whether this is part of the global trend that has emerged the last decade or so of divisive politics pitting the old against the young, men against women, native against foreign etc. Maybe I'm reading too much into it?!

Clearly a different website to all of you!

Give up that kind of negativity on both men and women, it's really depressing.

Some threads I've read this morning have helped me to realise that my thinking about men has changed since joining MN. And not in a good way.

There's an undertone that men need to do things the woman's way, or it's wrong. That men should be grateful for any sex that women are willing to give in a long term relationship, even if that peters out to no sex at all.

Men are seen to be babies who can't do anything for themselves, and need to have someone pre plan and organise their lives, but god forbid they fall into the pattern of behaviour of expecting their female partner to do these things for them, as that's what they've always done.

This thinking is observable to a greater or lesser extent across the boards.

I've also recognised where this thinking has affected the way I think about my wonderful man, and sometimes in things I've said to him or actions towards him. I need to watch this in future.

I'm concerned that the general thinking about men on this website can't be good for society if this is the way women think, and are encouraged to think by others.

If women treat men this way collectively and have low expectations around them, no wonder the bar is getting lower.

Yes, but you'll be shouted down and either a) be called a man b) called a handmaiden or whatever the other terms are c) be called a mens right activitist

Or all 3 perhaps

I read this forum fairly agog at some of the casual sexual put downs for a man who by wont of normal human behaviour has forgotten something, got something wrong, misunderstood something or actually has been unsreasonable and it needs dealing with. The only option it seems is to suggest its over.

Also the weirdness of not criticising a woman because 'the sisterhood', so never slag off a female politician because its misogyny, dont give her a stupid demeaning nick name, but do feel free to do that to all and any male politicians. Never comment on how thick or stupid a female politcian or figurehead might be, but do feel free if its a male. Definitely go hell for leather on how awful, ugly, unattractive and 'can you imagine having sex with that' about horrible men in the media or actually even men you might meet, particularly if short. But never comment on what women look like because 'you should never comment on a womans body' or clothing

All very good points.

AIBU is a crazy place at times.

I find the sex board users the most realistic and down to earth about both sexes.

As an extreme far-left feminist, MN surprised me in that it is one of the only places I've ever felt the need to defend men. It's not because I care that MNers hate men - misandry doesn't exist and wouldn't matter anyway because misogyny is about power structures, not personal prejudices. There isn't going to be a wave of violence against men because of this site. I do not care whether men feel hurt by it.

It's because I find the general type of feminism prevalent on MN to be inane, essentialist and based on generalisations and stereotypes rather than nuanced analysis. Everything is seen through the prism of sex and sexuality. Absolutely everything. It does my head in. If a man does something, it's because he's a man. If a woman does something, it's because she's a woman. Posters bang on about "men as a sex class" but never once acknowledge any other type of social class (wealth, education, sexuality, race). There's a weird horseshoe effect where, in the name of feminism, posters advocate attitudes that I last encountered in the fundamentalist Christian church I spent my teenage years escaping from - women and men can't be friends etc, women and men are essentially different species etc. And then you get into the dating threads where - again in the name of feminism - you'll see posters telling other women that we are not, and never will be, equal to men. And then the insane competitiveness that's taken as granted among female friendships - so many threads where hackles go up at the mere mention of a "stunning woman".

Biology seems to be everything to many MN posters, which also feeds into the site's batshit transphobia (I'm not going to argue with any of you about that). Someone should write a thesis on why that means so many of you hate your husbands, and maybe your friends as well.

I mean go on Reddit if you want to see the reverse haha, although MN is still not that extreme.

As an extreme far-left feminist, MN surprised me in that it is one of the only places I've ever felt the need to defend men. It's not because I care that MNers hate men - misandry doesn't exist and wouldn't matter anyway because misogyny is about power structures, not personal prejudices. There isn't going to be a wave of violence against men because of this site. I do not care whether men feel hurt by it.

It's because I find the general type of feminism prevalent on MN to be inane, essentialist and based on generalisations and stereotypes rather than nuanced analysis. Everything is seen through the prism of sex and sexuality. Absolutely everything. It does my head in. If a man does something, it's because he's a man. If a woman does something, it's because she's a woman. Posters bang on about "men as a sex class" but never once acknowledge any other type of social class (wealth, education, sexuality, race). There's a weird horseshoe effect where, in the name of feminism, posters advocate attitudes that I last encountered in the fundamentalist Christian church I spent my teenage years escaping from - women and men can't be friends etc, women and men are essentially different species etc. And then you get into the dating threads where - again in the name of feminism - you'll see posters telling other women that we are not, and never will be, equal to men. And then the insane competitiveness that's taken as granted among female friendships - so many threads where hackles go up at the mere mention of a "stunning woman".

Biology seems to be everything to many MN posters, which also feeds into the site's batshit transphobia (I'm not going to argue with any of you about that). Someone should write a thesis on why that means so many of you hate your husbands, and maybe your friends as well.

My unhealthy attitude towards men comes from the behaviour of men themselves and not mumsnet.

Are you talking women in generic or specific terms?

Some women on this thread have had wholly positive experiences with the men in their lives.

You will have not seen posts maligning ALL women in responses to the actions of women in an OP no. Of course you wouldn't, when most of the posters will be women themselves and are not going to generalise in a way that includes them.
What you will see is strong attacks made against subsets of women based on generalisations and stereotypes. Older women (rude), Mothers in law (needy, interfering), school gate mums (cliquey), teenage girls (mean, worse than boys) female colleagues (back stabbing) etc.
Ime this is equally as prevalent as any generalisations made about men on the site.

You will have not seen posts maligning ALL women in responses to the actions of women in an OP no. Of course you wouldn't, when most of the posters will be women themselves and are not going to generalise in a way that includes them.
What you will see is strong attacks made against subsets of women based on generalisations and stereotypes. Older women (rude), Mothers in law (needy, interfering), school gate mums (cliquey), teenage girls (mean, worse than boys) female colleagues (back stabbing) etc.
Ime this is equally as prevalent as any generalisations made about men on the site.

Well the label thing tends to have a sex to it (I dont use the term gender), so as a child, a male child with difficult or challenging behaviour, rigidity, lack of communication and engagement is talked about as ND or perhaps already diagnosed so lots of advice about how to support, behaviour is communication, mums being persuaded to put up with aggression and violence etc etc due to SEN

Adulthood comes along - apparently his violence and aggression or rigidity/lack of communication, black and white thinking is now just toxic and arsehole behaviour and nothing to do with ND.