AIBU to help renovate my father’s bungalow instead of school pick-up?

I suspect OP is a man and the SAHP with the 4 children to look after is a woman.

Cannot believe someone asked what a SAHP of 4 children was bringing to the party. Presumably what they are bringing is all the childcare that allows the OP to work 50hrs a week unhindered and renovate a property in their spare time?

OP I'm sure you meant to say 'sole earner' and not 'sole worker' right?

Yes I would. I was a sahm for 4 years to 3 kids. I didn't find it the chore that many seem to.

What is he busy doing while the kids are in school? Why can’t he help with the renovations in that time?

Whether the partner is male or female does not matter, they should be collecting the children. And if all 4 children are at school they can go and help renovate the bungalow for a couple of hours when the children are at school.

Would you speak about a SAHM of 4 children like that?

Why can’t your partner pick up as usual?

So many assumptions that OP is a woman and partner is a man.
It makes no difference though. If partner usually picks up then that's what they do. You are busy whether it's work or renovating the place you're going to live in

Would a SAHM with 4 children be moaning about doing school pick up though? That is one job which is 100% the SAHPs job.

Why are we all assuming the op is a woman here?

The SAHP does picks up; whats the point in being a SAHP if cannot drive unless there’s extremely good public transport?

You need a contract with your dad regarding the house and your DP needs to learn to drive.

Lazy bugger needs to pick up his children. Is he capable of helping with renovations or just happy to freeload off your dad?

SAHP does the pick ups surely? He/she should learn to drive too! (Medical conditions permitting of course.)

YANBU, but I think you know that and just want reassurance. It seems you very much have your priorities right in helping with the renovation, given you’ll (as a family unit!) be benefitting greatly from the move.
With all that being said, it’s hard enough to be a SAHM to four children (I expect, I’ve two!) without the added complication of being unable to drive. I’d be making it a priority (!) to rectify that, if it’s possible. Otherwise, maybe they’re just no longer happy to be a SAHM (or SAHD, just realised it doesn’t say either way!) so perhaps a discussion about longer term goals etc is needed to move forward without these sorts of issues?

When I was a SAHP it involved doing all the things that came with looking after the DC while my DH was at work.

If my DH had taken a day or two off of his main job to do work on the house I would still have looked at this as him working and not expected him to do school pick up.

If it's days that your DP would normally collect the DC from school why do they think you having time off from your day job inorder to get work on the property seen to means you should also down tools midway to go collect the DC instead?

If it takes the SAHP an hour each way, 3 buses with two pre schoolers in tow and you could do the pick up in 10 minutes, you are being unreasonable.
If it takes a 10 minute stroll, and the bungalow is 3 hours away, the SAHP is being unreasonable.
That said, when I was a SAHM, I always did the school run. In the odd occasion DH was around, my DCs loved Dad picking them up.

All depends on the details really.

Wow
doubt stay at home mum with 4 kids would be asked what they bring to the party

mumsnet really do hate men

Your partner should take an uber or learn to drive or cycle one if those carrier bikes
what is the point of them if they are a sahm to school age kids and can’t do the main job which is school pic ups and evening

Missing two days of activities is hardly a crime, and you are helping to renovate a house, so you have a home to live in.

I’d need more details to know who was unreasonable.

Yes, it’s their usual days to do pickup, but do they only usually do those days because there’s no other option, and it’s a massive inconvenience? Long walk, complicated public transport with four kids, some of your kids are tiny and a pain to take along etc. If so, you’re unreasonable. If it’s an easy job for them then you’re not unreasonable.

Likewise, how far away does your dad live? If it would have severely cut short your time helping him, you’re not unreasonable. If you could have done the pickups and been back at his within an hour, you’re unreasonable.

You have a home rent free and your DP doesn’t want to pull his weight or do pick ups so you can renovate bungalow? He should be putting spare hours renovating too! He’s got it made hasn’t he, you earn all the money and have to run the kids to all their out of school activities he sounds like a cocklodger

Why does your partner think you should pick up your children?

I used to do all pickups, but on the odd occasion DH was off work, the children really loved him picking them up, seeing their school, meeting their friends etc. So, I would also have encouraged you to pick up on at least one of the days.

I think you have bigger problems. It’s not sustainable to have 4 children and be the only one to drive them around. You need to either find activities that are walkable or bussable or they need to learn to drive. Way too much pressure on you.

about this one - obvs not on you. If you partner has literally no other responsibilities besides the school run they should carry on doing it while you create a home for you all. Hopefully they are helping with the renovations as well

@Littlemisscapable
He or she is the stay at home parent of 4 children- that’s what they are bringing to the party’.

Error your partner needs the priorities sorted. What is he bringing to the party?