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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to help renovate my father’s bungalow instead of school pick-up?

157 replies

JustNotImportant · 01/04/2026 08:24

Just looking for some perspective.

My Father has allowed us to live in his main residence as they are downsizing to a bungalow. This will be rent free, but the bungalow requires a lot of work.

I am the sole worker, my partner is a stay at home parent to 4 children.

I work 50 hours a week, outside of work I also run our children to all their out of school activities as my partner does not drive.

I took two days off this week to help with the renovation, the way I see it is they are giving us an amazing opportunity and I will help where i can.

My partner has complained and told me my priorities are wrong because I won't pick our children up from school these two days, which would of been their pickups anyway because of work.

So mumsnet, are my priorities skewed? AIBU?

OP posts:
Ashkrevon · 01/04/2026 09:48

SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · 01/04/2026 09:05

Why are we all assuming the op is a woman here?

I originally thought they were the male partner.

To be honest, it shouldn't take long to do a school pick up and the DC would probably love it. Its not an all day task. If it is an all day task, then you need to move house or school

HisNotHes · 01/04/2026 09:44

“would of” is incorrect, it’s would have.

Yanbu, your partner should’ve picked up the children as normal - you weren’t relaxing with your feet up, you were working on another project that’s saving the whole family money.

Also if all the children are at school, your partner should also be doing their bit to help out with the bungalow.

AmazingGreatAunt · 01/04/2026 09:44

If your partner is the SAHP and all children are at school, why are they not helping to renovate the bungalow during school hours or for 2 hours in the morning and 2 in the afternoon?
Please do not come back with, it is heavy/skilled work, wallpaper stripping is easy, as it helping to clear up mess (into a skip).

Duckyfondant · 01/04/2026 09:38

I'm going to assume you aren't ferrying all 4 children about in the evenings, and I'm curious whether all of the kids are actually school age.

You sound like you're purposefully overemphasizing how much you do and how little they do. It seems incredibly immature and you won't get a balanced perspective.

Anothersymptom · 01/04/2026 09:37

As PPs have said the devil is in the detail. Are his DC older children, or does he have young babies and toddlers that he has very little to do with?

HisNotHes · 01/04/2026 09:34

rwalker · 01/04/2026 08:51

Wow
doubt stay at home mum with 4 kids would be asked what they bring to the party

mumsnet really do hate men

Show quote history

What about a sahm who usually did the pick up but expected her husband to do it as he had the day off work (to help his father with something that benefits them as a whole family)?

TomatoSandwiches · 01/04/2026 09:33

If your partner typically picks up the kids on these days I don't understand why they are expecting you to do it, did you .ake a prior promise to do it or something?

Nickyknackered · 01/04/2026 09:32

lazyarse123 · 01/04/2026 09:10

Yes I would. I was a sahm for 4 years to 3 kids. I didn't find it the chore that many seem to.

Show quote history

But does it make you a freeloader because you weren't earning? That's my point.

Iocanepowder · 01/04/2026 09:31

YANBU

Your dad is doing something great for you so it’s nice to help where you can.

Dweetfidilove · 01/04/2026 09:30

Your partner sounds burdesome.
You have taken time off for a specific purpose, that benefits your family.
They'll be okay getting on with their normal routine.

BetsyRegards · 01/04/2026 09:30

PlumPlumb · 01/04/2026 09:12

I suspect OP is a man and the SAHP with the 4 children to look after is a woman.

Cannot believe someone asked what a SAHP of 4 children was bringing to the party. Presumably what they are bringing is all the childcare that allows the OP to work 50hrs a week unhindered and renovate a property in their spare time?

OP I'm sure you meant to say 'sole earner' and not 'sole worker' right?

This is everything I wanted to say.

Particularly the final sentence.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 01/04/2026 09:29

Nodwyddaedafedd · 01/04/2026 09:21

Your partner isn't working? The kids are at school and your dad is giving a great opportunity to the family. Why isn't your partner helping renovate it too?

This.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 01/04/2026 09:27

CrocusesFlowering · 01/04/2026 08:41

@Littlemisscapable
He or she is the stay at home parent of 4 children- that’s what they are bringing to the party’.

Then they should learn to drive unless there is a specific reason not to. OP works 50 hours a week. As well as school pick ups the SAHP should be ferrying them to out of school activities, not making the inability to drive the excuse. And whether the OP is male or female is irrelevant.

LaMarschallin · 01/04/2026 09:25

SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · 01/04/2026 09:05

Why are we all assuming the op is a woman here?

I don't know.
I assumed the OP is a man keeping his post carefully gender neutral.
If this is the case, some posters might get whiplash from the 180° turn they'll make.
(Btw what's the feminine form of "cocklodger"?)

Catcatcatcatcat · 01/04/2026 09:25

YANBU

Eleos · 01/04/2026 09:25

The partner sounds pretty useless and entitled. Unless some big drip feed YANBU

ClairDeLaLune · 01/04/2026 09:25

Incidentally I suspect OP is a man…

ClairDeLaLune · 01/04/2026 09:24

Partner? Living in your parents’ house? Hmmm. SAHP is in a very bad position legally. If you split they’ll be homeless and jobless, with 4 children. Marry them OP.

Slight digression sorry. YANBU btw. SAHP should’ve done the pick up as normal allowing you to get on with the renovation that benefits the whole family.

Nodwyddaedafedd · 01/04/2026 09:21

Your partner isn't working? The kids are at school and your dad is giving a great opportunity to the family. Why isn't your partner helping renovate it too?

Heronwatcher · 01/04/2026 09:20

WTF? Why can’t he take them, especially since you’re clearly doing something to benefit the family?

Why can’t he drive? Why isn’t he working if the kids are at school?

More importantly why are you taking this lazy man’s opinions to heart?

If he’s not pulling his weight bin him off and move there with just your kids.

KarmenPQZ · 01/04/2026 09:20

Do you ever do pick ups? How engaged are you in your kids life?

if you never do pick ups because you’re working and you took a day off I’d absolutely expect you to jump at the chance of seeing your kids at the school gates. It’s super important to be involved in that aspect of their lives.

PlumPlumb · 01/04/2026 09:18

lazyarse123 · 01/04/2026 09:10

Yes I would. I was a sahm for 4 years to 3 kids. I didn't find it the chore that many seem to.

Show quote history

I agree but it's also not nothing. I work full time and have to manage everything a SAHM does in evenings and weekends and with paid childcare and ultimately the ball often gets dropped and it feels like we are existing rather than living.

The undermining of the benefits of having a stay at home parent needs to end. Sending both parents out to work may be good for tax collection but it's wrecked house prices and created a horrible stressful life for most families.

Anothersymptom · 01/04/2026 09:16

How old are the DC? What is the usual situation with pick ups? Are any of the DC disabled?

ILoveDaffodills · 01/04/2026 09:14

The devil is in the detail. If which we have none.

luckylavender · 01/04/2026 09:13

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 01/04/2026 08:39

Yanbu, partner should pick up as normal.

Side note - I could never live with a non-driver, unless for medical reasons. It’s a complete abdication of responsibility, especially if you expect the other person to drive, and use it as an excuse why you cannot do something.

Edited

It's not always that easy. People don't drive for any number of reasons.