AIBU to help renovate my father’s bungalow instead of school pick-up?

But they aren't doing that, are they?
They are working hard, renovating a home for their Dad to live in, which then frees up a house for their family to live in.

You are just making up situations which are nothing to do with the AIBU.

The fact that something is normally one person's job doesn't mean that they might not want the occasional day of not doing it. In fact if you always do the same job and the other person never does, makes it more likely that you might want a break.

By your logic if the OP had a day off, it would be fine to lounge about at home all day and not lift a finger to do anything as the household/childcaring jobs were the normal responsibility of the SAHP?

The OP doesn’t actually specify gender.

However, I think men should be held to the same long standing standards they have been using against women.

The wording of the original post says ‘would have been their pickups anyway because of work.’

That's fair enough but have you considered sometimes it's lack of money for the running and up keep of a car? H and I don't drive through choice, not interested, but we don't expect lifts from anyone either, we use public transport and are happy to do so.

Impossible to say if your priorities are skewed. Beyond driving kids to activities what do you bring to the party in terms of parenting? Do you get to unilaterally check out of the parenting stuff because you work and drive? Does your partner get to unilaterally decide at any point that they are taking two days to do something they see as being of value or would they need to check it with you and ask you to step in with the kids? Whether you are being unreasonable is a bit more nuanced than just "I work 50 hours and am the only driver in the house".

Seems mumsnet hates men and SAHM in equal measure judging by this thread!

Well if he normally picks them up pI don’t see why he shouldn’t on these two days. Having said that, picking the kids up surely wouldn’t take up too much time? Can he muck in with the renovation then while you do pick up? If the answer to that is no then he is definitely the unreasonable one.

Thats a bit unfair re the comment about not living with a non driver! I’m a non driver but apart from driving my daughter to her one club, driving to supermarket and driving us for family days out, there is nothing else I can’t do as a parent and plenty I do that my husband doesn’t! I still do the majority of pick ups and drops off for school (on foot) and we are on public transport together for appointments, errands, and days out ALL the time.

Clearly, the SAHP who normally collects the dc continues to collect the dc, as the WOTH parent, is still WOTH, just - for these two days - instead of for usual employer, is helping a relative who is being incredibly generous to the family in letting them live in a rent free house. Nothing extra, or additional is being asked of the SAHP, whose literal contribution to the household, is to look after the dc and the house.
Of course YANBU, OP.

Where are you getting that from?

We have no details

YANBU. If they would usually do pick ups and you are taking days off specifically this purpose, why on earth would they think any different? They are being unreasonable. I also think being a SAHP and not driving, unless in a well built up area with great transport links, might need addressing if it is creating problems. I think your priorities are definitely in the right place. How are things going otherwise for you though? This seems like a very clear, obvious situation so I'm wondering if there are other issues or there's something missing here.

Partner will have no claim on the house unless they are married (which I assume not) and/or if they invest money into the improvement of it.

Partner is getting a rent free home (aside from the labour OP is doing on bungalow) so perhaps ought to be supportive - but she may see it as time away from her/their family developing an asset in which she has no legal rights/claim. From her perspective she may feel OP is taking time away from the family unit to protect his interests in DF’s assets and that this does not benefit her as an unmarried partner. Long term, obviously, their kids benefit, but she has no security in this set up, does she, so perhaps this is why she is being a bit unsupportive?

That said if OP is helping DF, is it really a big issue to pop out and collect the kids?

A stay at home mum with 4 kids would be doing the school pick ups and all the club running around. Not sure how many if any of the 4 aren’t in school but clearly some are so I’d say he’s doing nothing like the amount of work a stay at home mum does!

Regardless of that, the at home parent usually picks up the children on those 2 days anyway. So whether OP is working or renovating on those 2 days, your point is moot.

Oh and I have epilepsy and don’t drive because of it and manage to get my kids from a to be including school and activities.

You're helping your dad and getting a whole damn house out of it.

Your partner is extremely unreasonable to fuss about 2 pickups. You're getting a whole damn house.

They can do the reno work to specifications if they object to you doing it for a whole damn house.

As a stay at home parent of 4, unless there's medical reasons, they need to be driving. What if there's a medical emergency?

YOUR PARTNER IS A WASTE OF SPACE - DONT LET THEM COME WITH YOU!

Edited to add - it looks like from the wording near the end of the post these are the NORMAL days for the partner to pick the kids up, so nothing should change. Lazy c u next tuesday. Not many people seem to have picked up on that in their responses.

Good to see that the genders being left out has sent everyone over the edge.

It’s kind of worth doing 2 days of school runs for the sake of free housing no?

Everyone assuming OP is a woman and the lazy offender is a man… I’m curious on the answer.

It was a question. But I bet I’m right.

Have you suggested that your spouse/partner go to the bungalow for two days instead of you? What are you going there to do?

Because it's a choice - the work needs doing, your family will benefit by the in-laws moving into it asap and being safe and happy.

But while I think your SAHP is being unreasonable to think you should do the pick ups - drop offs perhaps as far less disruptive than the middle of the afternoon; it is perhaps worth considering that they might like to be included in this. If they would, then they'll be game but if they are just being selfish then they are being unreasonable.

YANBU. Your partner is getting a great deal and they should learn to drive or get the bus. It might seem irritating to have the normal routine disrupted by what feel like 'favours' to your father, but your partner needs to see the bigger picture.

She doesn't want to share the school runs she's suggesting he might like to do them on the 2 days annual leave he has taken! Not forever

He is right, you should do the childcare for those 2 days while he is helping with the reno
unless it's half term and he needs to look after all 4