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AIBU?

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How to put them off when they ask to get together too much

56 replies

Justnetballandcoffee · 01/04/2026 07:34

We know a couple, let us call them A and B. I first met A when our DDs were young as we went to the same swimming group. We were friendly and did have a few play dates but I soon realised I did not want to maintain a friendship as I found her quite demanding. It then came about that my DH works with B and they have become friends in the last 2 years. He is a nice guy but a bit intense. Since then they have clearly wanted us to make us their "couple friends" to do things with. I don't mind sometimes but it's too much. For example it is now the Easter holidays and they have suggested we meet up three times within 2 weeks! This because I agreed to one thing and then they latch onto it and suggest other things. One meet up in the holidays is enough, surely!

I am conscious I may be being unkind. They are nice people, I just don't enjoy A's company. She can be almost a bit rude but I believe this is because she is ND rather than actually rude. I say this as I am ND and I recognise things in her. I could he wrong and she could just be ignorant but I don't think so. Only relevant as I wonder if it's the fact we might both be ND in a similar way which makes us clash (at least from my point of view).

I need downtime to recharge and I am not interested in making plans with people who are not my close friends. I play netball three evenings a week. DH has hobbies she we like to keep weekends for family time. I don't mind occasionally doing something with the girls as they are in the same class but they take us accepting any invitation as a chance to rekindle this couple friendship and then keep suggesting things. We can say no of course and often do but they don't stop. Even my close friends I would only see once a month at most as we're all busy.

Is it best to not say yes at all?

I'm fully prepared to be told I'm unreasonable as I'm not sure I'm handling this the right way. It's been going on for two years!

OP posts:
Justnetballandcoffee · 01/04/2026 07:44

RoseField1 · 01/04/2026 07:36

Just tell her you're busy! 'I'm so sorry A, DH and I are chocka and haven't got spare time to meet up that weekend. Maybe another time?'

Just tell her you're busy! 'I'm so sorry A, DH and I are chocka and haven't got spare time to meet up that weekend. Maybe another time?'

If you say can't make that date, they send you a list of dates or don't stop until a date is agreed. One time they told us exactly what they were doing every weekend in the month. I just said we don't have any free time this month.

How long has it been going on for? I feel like if you keep saying no/ making excuses, eventually they will get the message and stop asking?

They don't in the way most people would. If we say no three times but then say yes they latch onto the yes and suggest more things. Yes we can say no. I just find it awkward if there is no date so I just have to say no thanks we are really busy at the moment.

It's been going on for 2 years or more.

OP posts:
rockinrobins · 01/04/2026 07:42

DisplayPurposesOnly · 01/04/2026 07:41

Just be direct.

"Thanks for the thought but no. We're looking forward to [the one thing] with you but that's it. We have other things on and I need downtime too. I cant fit it all in!"

That's pretty rude tbh - if someone said that to me I wouldn't bother going to the one thing with them! 😅

Depends how direct you want to be OP - if you send this then she'll definitely get the message!

DisplayPurposesOnly · 01/04/2026 07:41

Just be direct.

"Thanks for the thought but no. We're looking forward to [the one thing] with you but that's it. We have other things on and I need downtime too. I cant fit it all in!"

rockinrobins · 01/04/2026 07:38

How long has it been going on for? I feel like if you keep saying no/ making excuses, eventually they will get the message and stop asking?

I've had similar to this a couple of times and it has always gradually faded without really needing to say anything direct. Just keep making excuses for not getting together outside the kids.

ApolloandDaphne · 01/04/2026 07:37

Just say yes to the things you don't mind doing together and say you are busy or whatever to things you don't want to do. You can't stop her suggesting things but you can decline to go along with them.

RoseField1 · 01/04/2026 07:36

Just tell her you're busy! 'I'm so sorry A, DH and I are chocka and haven't got spare time to meet up that weekend. Maybe another time?'