Page 2 | AIBU to expect confidentiality after raising concerns with a charity?

HarvestSky · 2026-04-01T05:57:44+00:00

I was dissatisfied with the teaching methods in a specialist subject at school. I contacted a local charity that specialises in that subject and provides teaching for teachers. I wanted to find out whether what the school was doing was best practice, and how they could improve through training courses. However I must have mentioned the school's name rather than keeping it generic as I wish I had done. Now the charity has fed back to the school through personal contacts that I told them xyz about the school's teaching, and the teachers are annoyed. Should I have expected a reasonable degree of confidentiality from the charity or am AIBU for dobbing the school in?

Imbrocator · 01/04/2026 15:01

I’m sure someone better versed in data privacy could weigh in here, but as I understand it the charity shouldn’t be sharing your personal details with others without your permission.

On an ethical level they’re clearly at fault to share your complaint without asking, after you’ve contacted them for impartial advice on how to resolve the issue.

OhWise1 · 01/04/2026 14:52

Imagine the teacher is say 45 with a dodgy hip and teaching gymnastics would you expect them, to demonstrate themselves or put on a video to demonstrate?
You realise a sports club will teach things very differently, follow a different curriculum and have different learning objectives to a school?
I also think you have got a hell of a cheek telling a qualified specialist PE teacher how yo do their job based on a bit of dports coaching you have done. Apples and pears!

SuziQuinto · 01/04/2026 14:50

MyLuckyHelper · 01/04/2026 14:41

well she's contacted a charity to ask if it's being taught wrongly. Not for them to take action to improve it.

Edited

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Ok
It sounded very much as if she wanted changes made.
Can you clarify, @HarvestSky ?

SuziQuinto · 01/04/2026 14:48

PrettyPickle · 01/04/2026 14:41

Again you are missing the point. The question was not whether the OP was correct or misguided in her thoughts about the school, or whether she had a right to approach them, it was whether the charity should have maintained confidentiality. The OP was checking her line of thought with the charity and presumably once she had their thoughts she would decide if she had a valid line of concern she needed to take further - sounds a reasonable through process to me. But the charity effectively removed that option from her (accidently or not).

You are expanding it to something it never was, so we are answering two different questions so my response will not align with your direction.

Firefighters and teachers are too totally different scenarios and therefore not comparable.

But as a point of interest, I do believe that if a parent has a concern about something their child has been taught in class and you believe it is inappropriate (if that is indeed the issue) then you absolutely have the right to question it, to seek further info to make an informed decision on whether you have an issue that needs taking further. But that is NOT what the OP is asking.

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No. I am not missing the point. I am well aware of her original query, however, it raises other questions and points. This happens on discussion threads. The discussion often gets broadened. People contribute in different ways.
You have totally missed my point. I never compared firefighters to teachers. I just said that I am aware of my area of expertise. A charity course 10-15 years ago wouldn't change that.
Should the charity have shared her details?
Probably not. I hope that allays your concerns about the question asked.

PrettyPickle · 01/04/2026 14:41

SuziQuinto · 01/04/2026 11:26

Well, we all have a "right" to do this. I wouldn't waste the time of the local firefighters by suggesting they adopt different practices, because I am not an expert.
However, it happens in schools a lot, and it very much depends what "heard" means. If your workplace changes because of feedback from the public, fine. As I said, it's more difficult with schools.
Perhaps the OP could enlighten us to allow for a productive discussion, though, as we are floundering in the dark somewhat.

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Again you are missing the point. The question was not whether the OP was correct or misguided in her thoughts about the school, or whether she had a right to approach them, it was whether the charity should have maintained confidentiality. The OP was checking her line of thought with the charity and presumably once she had their thoughts she would decide if she had a valid line of concern she needed to take further - sounds a reasonable through process to me. But the charity effectively removed that option from her (accidently or not).

You are expanding it to something it never was, so we are answering two different questions so my response will not align with your direction.

Firefighters and teachers are too totally different scenarios and therefore not comparable.

But as a point of interest, I do believe that if a parent has a concern about something their child has been taught in class and you believe it is inappropriate (if that is indeed the issue) then you absolutely have the right to question it, to seek further info to make an informed decision on whether you have an issue that needs taking further. But that is NOT what the OP is asking.

MyLuckyHelper · 01/04/2026 14:41

SuziQuinto · 01/04/2026 14:35

Interesting update, @HarvestSky .
So, the school is teaching something wrongly, in your view, so you've contacted a charity to improve it?
One question; your training on this subject was with this charity 10-15 years ago. How confident are you that this is not now outdated?

well she's contacted a charity to ask if it's being taught wrongly. Not for them to take action to improve it.

SuziQuinto · 01/04/2026 14:35

Interesting update, @HarvestSky .
So, the school is teaching something wrongly, in your view, so you've contacted a charity to improve it?
One question; your training on this subject was with this charity 10-15 years ago. How confident are you that this is not now outdated?

SuziQuinto · 01/04/2026 14:14

Hallamule · 01/04/2026 12:29

Don't see why. We had a very determined mum go into battle at my kids school about which periods of British history were covered in KS3. The school used to carefully cover 1066- death of Elizabeth I then skip quickly to WW1. She got that changed

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So the school changed the KS3 curriculum? . Hours of extra preparation and making materials, more budget used up, on the request of one parent?
Really?

Notmauve · 01/04/2026 14:10

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ThisSunnyBee · 01/04/2026 13:22

PoppinjayPolly · 01/04/2026 07:08

Breeze in, tell the school… “HALT!!! Everyone stand back!!! We the experts have arrived!!”
Interested op if you are ex RADA and its drama, or a Nobel Physics winner and it’s science teachers you know so much better than?

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🥱

lottiegarbanzo · 01/04/2026 13:22

Has the school properly explained to you why it is using the approach it is? why it does not choose to adopt the charity’s approach?

it’s hard to tell whether you’re talking about different approaches but for good reasons, or really sub-standard provision at the school. In which case, even if it’s to do with lack of resources or of trained teachers, they should be open and able to explain that.

rwalker · 01/04/2026 13:12

If you feel that strongly own it and tell school what you’ve done

have you any qualifications in the given area that you are unhappy about

did you follow the schools complaint policy I would of thought it would be be an ofstead issue rather than a random charity

MyLuckyHelper · 01/04/2026 13:11

Besafeeatcake · 01/04/2026 12:16

So let me get this straight. You didn't like something at the school but don't have any expert knowledge in it except for the charity you have learned from.

You contacted the school with a huge amount of entitlement to tell them they could be doing better.

You didn't like that they fobbed you off or didn't change, so you took it upon yourself to contact the charity you used and presumably you spoke to the school about.

The charity then contacted the school.

Did you really think the school wouldn't put this together?
Are you really that entitled that you think you know better?
Are you really that entitled that your issue is confidentiality rather than the above points?

YABU

That's an odd take.

OP said she DOES have lots of knowledge in this area.

No entitlement whatsoever in contacting the school to enquire about the way something is taught - parents are service users of schools. There's nothing at all to suggest OP was rude in her communication with the school.

Why would anyone be happy with being fobbed off? If you had a legitimate concern that you didn't feel was resolved, you'd just say 'ah well', would you?

She contacted the charity to ask if she was right in thinking that the school wasn't using best practice. Absolutely nowhere does it say she asked them to wade in and give the school advice.

And yes, confidentiality is absolutely her issue here, that's her question.

ldnmusic87 · 01/04/2026 13:07

Maybe you can take over teaching, as you are the expert.

You must keep the staff room very entertained.

PoppinjayPolly · 01/04/2026 13:04

Is the school a feeder for tennis champions?
or is tennis meant to be one of many fun sporty activities?
what do you need the school to be teaching tennis to your dc for since you’re an expert?

Original poster

HarvestSky · 01/04/2026 12:47

Thanks so much for taking the time to write really useful comments. The AIBU is about whether I should have expected the charity to keep the issue as sensitive, but I understand that context would help.

Nothing to do with trans! No safeguarding issues.

I am a parent at the school.

The charity is internationally recognised as providing excellent training.

I have undertaken some of their training in the past and have been involved with it in other ways, 10-15 years ago. I own their teaching materials.

How do I know what is happening?
My children have told me.
I saw it myself on a school app that posts what children have done.
I saw it also at a school function.

Since I have accidentally called out the school already to the charity, and regret doing so, I want to be careful not to repeat my mistake online.

So I'll try to give an analogy.

Imagine I am a mid ranking tennis player.
My kids PE lessons at school are taken by a qualified PE teacher who shows them videos of other people playing sports in every lesson. They have a racquet but don't demonstrate using it. They will show videos of shot putt and javelin to small kids. Nice introduction but maybe not quite right for their age. Some of the videos are quite good eg BBC, others are just of kids running about in a field, sport indecipherable, from youtube. Sometimes the videos aren't even about sports but something related to the season. The video is approximately half of the lesson, and the other half they get to have a go themselves and each get one chance to hit a ball.

I have been to lots of tennis schools due to my job, and in every case we get on and play tennis rather than watching videos. Sure, you can study advanced technique by watching the pros but in the under ten age group I would argue that it's a bit of a waste of time to spend part of every lesson watching other people on a screen rather than participating.
This goes on for several months.

When the kids watch an advert where a top tennis player has teamed up with Coke, I ask the school not to show junk food adverts. They try to cover it up but also say the lesson was a gateway to learning about tennis.

I make a second complaint that under fives are also being taught PE using videos as the basis of their lesson, while on the other hand the school emails us about reducing screen time for that age group. (they have an attached nursery)

Then at a school sports day they show a video where a pupil is holding a tennis racquet like a gun, imitating a character from popular culture. I talk afterwards to the head of department and say it's me who has been complaining that I think the videos are out of hand and I would love to discuss the curriculum. I'm waved off in irritation and told there doesn't need to be any restriction on videos.

At this point I contact the charity. The charity arranges top class tennis matches which I used to take part in, with a teaching arm on how to teach tennis.

I call them and say, I have this issue with the school using videos and I know your style of teaching uses none at all. I'd love your help in trying to work out how to talk to the school about this matter.

They don't reply but senior staff from the school invite me in to tell me what a naughty parent I have been for not trusting them to teach and for contacting another organisation. They also listened carefully and are going to report back. My issue is not with the school's eventual response but as a previous poster really got right - the manner in which the story came back round to the school via the grapevine from an organisation I respect.

OP posts:

PoppinjayPolly · 01/04/2026 12:33

Bellyblueboy · 01/04/2026 12:21

There is a universal expectation of confidentiality when raising concerns. While this instance might not meet the organisation’s raining concern definition, the charity will have a raising concerns policy and confidentiality will be at the core of that policy.

It’s unprofessional at best.

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What is the “concern” though?
is “They don’t teach like I want “?

Hallamule · 01/04/2026 12:29

maysayyea · 01/04/2026 09:13

Come on op. It’s either sex or religion. Why be coy

Don't see why. We had a very determined mum go into battle at my kids school about which periods of British history were covered in KS3. The school used to carefully cover 1066- death of Elizabeth I then skip quickly to WW1. She got that changed

ldnmusic87 · 01/04/2026 12:24

I used to work in a school, and I bet the staff room was buzzing.

Bellyblueboy · 01/04/2026 12:21

Restlessdreams1994 · 01/04/2026 11:34

Why would a charity have an obligation to keep it confidential? It’s not like doctors or solicitors.

You asked for help communicating with the school - did you specifically state that you did not want the information to be shared with the school? Otherwise it sounds like they were trying to facilitate things by passing the information on.

There is a universal expectation of confidentiality when raising concerns. While this instance might not meet the organisation’s raining concern definition, the charity will have a raising concerns policy and confidentiality will be at the core of that policy.

It’s unprofessional at best.

Besafeeatcake · 01/04/2026 12:16

So let me get this straight. You didn't like something at the school but don't have any expert knowledge in it except for the charity you have learned from.

You contacted the school with a huge amount of entitlement to tell them they could be doing better.

You didn't like that they fobbed you off or didn't change, so you took it upon yourself to contact the charity you used and presumably you spoke to the school about.

The charity then contacted the school.

Did you really think the school wouldn't put this together?
Are you really that entitled that you think you know better?
Are you really that entitled that your issue is confidentiality rather than the above points?

YABU

MyLuckyHelper · 01/04/2026 12:12

Haven't RTFT but I don't think you've done anything wrong and am surprised by the early responses that I did read.

Seems to me you were asking for advice, not for them to take action themselves. A perfect response to being fobbed off by the school I'd have thought?

MissyMooPoo2 · 01/04/2026 11:53

HarvestSky · 01/04/2026 07:49

Because 'my' way is what I learnt from the charity, who run teaching courses

You aren't really making sense, OP. Do you have teaching qualifications or not? It sounds as though you picked up some knowledge secondary to a task involving the charity and pronounced yourself an expert on that basis.

SuziQuinto · 01/04/2026 11:37

Kepler22B · 01/04/2026 11:30

Even before I was a teacher I worked see incorrect science. You don’t need to see a curriculum map/ SOW to know that what is being taught is wrong and introducing many misconceptions.

Mostly I just correct my children at home (primary level) with connects that teachers can’t be experts in everything and it is ok for teachers to make mistakes. I’m sure some got back to the teacher who might not be happy.

But it was a more fundamental issue and I was given the brush off I would seek guidance elsewhere.

teachers/ schools aren’t infallible and parents are fully justified in questioning what we teach. As professionals we should be able to answer those questions.

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No-one on here is claiming teachers are infallible. I've come across many instances of bad spelling and grammar, as well as other errors from teachers over the years.
It's clearly not about bad science or incorrect history, or poor grammar. This is about something else.

Restlessdreams1994 · 01/04/2026 11:34

Why would a charity have an obligation to keep it confidential? It’s not like doctors or solicitors.

You asked for help communicating with the school - did you specifically state that you did not want the information to be shared with the school? Otherwise it sounds like they were trying to facilitate things by passing the information on.