AIBU to be upset my partner has not visited after surgery?

First reply absolutely nails it, @NiftyRoseDreamer.

He can't shag you if you're in pain from surgery, can he? So there's no point in him bothering in spending 50c if there's nothing in it for him.

Think on that. Unless there's an orgasm in it for him, he won't even spend the price of a boiled sweet on you.

OP. You are 23, your life ahead of you and too young to be treated so badly by a total useless, selfish twat.

Just block him. Don’t engage as he obviously has some power over you if you question if this is reasonable behaviour. IT IS NOT.

Block him on everything. Look into some sort of support and do some sort of course. The lovely ladies in MN will suggest and support you all the way through this.

Value yourself, you are and deserve much better than this.

Wishing you a speedy recovery and beautiful, pain free knees. Xx

Oh sweetie. Now picture recovering from a c-section and trying to nurse a newborn and him having the same attitude. Because he will. You are still dating. He should at least be trying to be the good guy. He is not a good guy. He's an asshole. Cut your losses and dump him.

How could you trust him anymore to be there for you in case something very serious happens? You don’t want that kind of a life partner! He should obviously want to come and keep you company at least a few times…bring you something you like etc. I couldn’t see him in the same way anymore after this.

Thank you! You learn something new every day 😆

Joining in with the chorus of "Dump the Lump." Are you able to use a wheelchair to get about while you're recovering?

Honestly, this is not a life partner.

Let this one go.

I love it when the first reply just nails it

Many years ago I had a FWB guy and had abdominal hernia surgery. He showed up with flowers, sweets and dropped essentials off a couple of times a week. Making me tea etc when he was here. He even took my bins out for weeks. That's what normal people do. We're still friends BTW, no benefits anymore though 🙂

Believe that this is what he will be like in future when you are sick or vulnerable. He's actually done you a massive favour. Dump well before any kids come along.

You are one of his appliances and you are broken and will stay that way for weeks.

So, now you know.

He is testing you to see what you will put up with. It is not a good sign.

Absolutely.

When people show you who they are - believe them.

When you are recovered please, please, rethink this relationship.

Put the whole man in the bin.

Awful op.

Years ago my then BF of 6 months (DH) went in to hospital for a planned week of iv antibiotics. Regular treatment to keep an existing condition controlled, so not ‘I’ll’ as such. It was a 2 hour round trip. I visited every day.

When I had a planned op the other year, DH was at my bedside as soon as visiting was allowed. Again, a 2 hr round trip.

Your ‘D’P is a waste of space. Raise your standards, you deserve better!!
Wishing you a speedy recovery

I'm all about working through problems but this guy is simply awful. He may be nice company but you could never rely on him. He must be dumped immediately as he doesn't care about you at all.

But your family should think badly of him, he’s awful. I think badly of him and I don’t even know him

Be thankful he's shown you who he is before you moved in with him or gawd forbid married him!

Dump and block him.

Depends. Do you want a nurturing, warm, reliable dad for your kids...or a lazy, selfish, unpleasant one?

When someone shows you who they really are, believe them. If I was him, I'd dump myself!

So in Jan 25 you were living together, so looks like he has moved out since then if he now lives an hour away. However, he could have moved temporarily back in with you to look after you and make sure you are ok.

You already know that he is selfish. He is an uncaring ignorant selfish twat. Your family would be upset if you told them, because they know that he isn't right for you.

He won't change. So you have 2 choices, put up with this, or ditch him and move on.

You need to take the second choice.

He is a walking talking example of that Maya Angelou quote -

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time"

He's showing you who he is. He is someone who is only interested in spending time with you if there's something in it for him. That could be sex, or being entertained, or whatever - he's pretty sure that visiting someone who can't leave their room for six weeks and is in pain is also not going to be up for sex, is not going to entertain him, and he is not interested. Believe him.

Your boyfriend is NOT a partner, and your relationship with him is going nowhere.

I would ditch him.

Oh OP, I really feel for you. You have every right to feel let down. Because much as he wants to minimise what you’re going through, he has let you down badly. And he truly is old enough to know better, or treat someone he loves better. The bare minimum would have been to be with you the day you left hospital, to sort you out with dinner, do you a shop, sort out some meals for the days ahead, ensure you were comfortable. It’s not beyond him, but he has CHOSEN not to bother. This is how low his effort bar is. Take this as useful information and don’t gaslight yourself about this not disappointing you. You feel this is not right - and it isn’t! Act on this info. Either he shapes up or you move on. You deserve so much better and are too young to settle on this minimum effort guy. As others have said, life throws us all much worse than this and when kids come along it tests people to the limit. If he’s already like this…think about your future with him long and hard….