AIBU to be upset about this situation? GF suffers from depression. Sorry, long.

Some posters mentioned performing. It's called acting up (parents know it as children behaving badly) or what psychiatrists and psychologists call acting out. Another way of describing it might be Games People Play. Here is someone who is communicating something but not articulating it in words and you have no way of knowing what it is all about.

You are operating on the normal plane, discussing what you are planing to do together and looking forward to meeting your friends and all having a pleasant relaxing evening. And you are assuming, with the normal everyday assumptions that we all make, namely that she wants to go too and would say if she did not.

You didn't notice anything amiss before going out but you are clearly thoughtful and considerate, doing your best to understand and offering to take her home when you see that she is 'off'. Your friends are nice, welcoming and of goodwill towards her as well. But she isn't operating on the same plane as you all are. There is some discomfort internally playing on her that you are not privy to. It may even be the fact that you and your friends are so sociable and welcoming and that this brings some recognition and self awareness of a disparity between you that generates feelings of outsiderness, envy, resentment and the like, hence possibly an explanation for her being annoyed by your friend and obviously annoyed with you.

You are out of your depth here and unless she can recognise and discuss her own acting up behaviour and reconcile those internal feelings with the obligations of friendship and relationship, there is nothing you can do to escape a repeating cycle of anxiously trying and failing to understand and accommodate her unexpressed needs.

If my son was in a relationship like this, I’d be advising him to finish it. Depression is crap, but it can’t always be used as an excuse for rude behaviour.

You’ll get dragged down by her behaviour if you are not careful. It’s only been a few months, so just cut your losses and get out now. Life is too short.

If she knew she needed down time, the she should have stayed at home and told the OP to go and meet the friend as planned.

Going but with a face like fizz is pointless as it ruins everyone else’s night.

If you carry on seeing her you will end up an anxious wreck and will stop socialising incase it makes her feel comfortable. I don’t think she wants to share you with anyone hence her rude unsociable behaviour at the pub and why she has decided she doesn’t like your friend now.

Sounds like she might be someone to just be friends with? Perhaps changing the status of your relationship from friends has made her more insecure, possessive and unstable? I wouldn't brush this off. She wants you to brush it under the carpet and move on. She'll do this again, and escalate.

I have asked her what is best for me to do next time and she's said there won't be a next time as she'll hide how she feels.

But there will be a next time, because you'll want to see your friend, and she'll either come with you and sulk (because people like this are incapable of putting on a show, or hiding how they feel for the sake of group harmony) or you'll go alone and she'll sulk about it so much you'll start reducing the times you go out to keep her happy. Until eventually your friends stop asking you to meet up, your family get sick of her moods or feel to uncomfortable to visit...

Ask me how I know....

OP, so your girlfriend isn't taking any responsibility for her poor behaviour and is saying it won't happen again because she'll hide her feelings. She's not prepared to accept she displayed rude behaviour, not just towards you but your friend. This person is your friend, not hers and she doesn't give two hoots what you tell them!!

Honestly, I wouldn't put up with this at all. Nothing is resolved or will be resolved and I can absolutely guarantee a similar situation will arise again. You gave your girlfriend plenty of opportunity not to go to the pub, you also asked if she wanted to go home, once you realised she wasn't happy. Both of which she refused. You aren't a mind reader, and your girlfriend is a grown adult, capable of using words to communicate how she feels. Instead she behaved like a moody, sulky teenager, refusing to engage but making sure everyone within the immediate vicinity knew she was pissed off.

My advice is to take this opportunity to end the relationship. It's a new relationship, even though you've known her some time, and it really shouldn't be this much hard work... you're supposed to be in the 'honeymoon' period!!

Sorry but she was rude, I would be embarrassed and she would be getting dumped. Sounds like she's playing games . She shouldn't have agreed to go out.

How many times did you actually spend time together in person or physically meet before dating?

Was it an online friendship or on SM for 5-6 years?

I'm surprised you haven't seen similar sulking behaviour before.... People are often very different online to in person.

Someone who prioritises maintaining an online long distance friendship for 5-6 years may have a very "quirky" personality in real life and bad social skills.

Especially if they haven't made or maintained any local friends or dates or work or community in that time.

They may be the kind of person who is most comfortable in their online persona.

If she lives in a city far away, and you've mainly connected and communicated by messaging this behaviour is who she is.

The distance has hidden this side of her.

It’s early days - should be all fun and love and consideration. Whether depression, manipulation or moodiness I think the answer is the same. It isn’t working and won’t work. Get out quickly while it’s not your responsibility.

This sounds bloody exhausting! You literally can't get anything right in this scenario.

I'm not saying LTB just yet, as it's the only time you've ever seen her behave this way, but be watchful for this sort of thing going forward.

It seems to me that she's "testing" the relationship because she's currently feeling insecure and unworthy. Instead of self-regulating, she's projecting and is fearful that you see her the way she sees herself.

Some people, consciously or unconsciously, say and do hurtful or unreasonable things to test the devotion of their partner. If the partner allows it, they pass. It's quite the headfuck. Hopefully, this isn’t the case with her.

I agree.
I think the technical term is a moody cow.

She is snappy with you because you are challenging her behaviour.

She's abusive.
She deliberately ruined the evening.
She is the type to isolate you.
She doesn't work?
Come on OP, why are you walking wide awake into a complete shit show.

You have agency here.
Protect yourself.
This is who she is, believe her.

I agree with this. She could just have used her words and stayed at home with a cup of tea. What she did looked passive aggressive and calculated.

I have MH issues (depressiom, anxiety, ND) and am introverted. If I feel down or like I don't want to socialise I stay in! No drama.

And asking if "she was good enough" the next day was manipulative, playing the victim as if the OP is the bad guy rejecting her...

OP will get locked into a cycle of wondering what she's done wrong, asking girlfriend whilst she clams up.

Its easy to end up like @User8457363 says, locked into a role where you're problem-solving or second guessing the other person's moods all the time.

Whilst they indicate they are kind of unhappy, but won't come out with why.... So you're walking on eggshells all the time.

She's really ramping up the manipulation with this "won't be a next time as she'll hide what she feels" bullshit.

I've struggled with terrible depression in the past and some of these behaviours sound familiar. You can't cure her, you can't help her. She needs therapy and to put an effort into getting better. You hanging around and being her emotional punch bag won't do her any good (and it will drag you down too).

Run a mile, life’s too short for this bullshit.

Sounds like a load of attention seeking nonsense.

Oh god, throw this one back, as MN says. It’s not supposed to
be this hard.

I think you behaved thoughtfully. I sympathise with her if she has depression, it’s awful. But that doesn’t mean you were at fault either. You’re not a mind reader. If I’m being really honest, this behaviour early on in a relationship would put me off. She ruined your night and was rude. This won’t be a one off either. I do feel for her and I know she probably can’t help it but you have to decide if this sort of thing is something you’re happy to deal with long term.

She sounds miserable and controlling. I’d be off as it doesn’t seem like you can do anything right!

I don't know whether the OP is a man or a woman. It makes no difference. Women are quite capable of being total shxtbags, just like men are, and I've been on the sharp end of it many times.

The thing that jumps out to me is that the gf isn't working and there seems to be no explanation for it. That's would be a real no-no for me.

You didn’t do anything wrong except perhaps ask her too many times what was up. The fact that you were wondering what you did wrong tells me she had you where she wanted you and this thing about you caring more about others…she might be depressed but she’s also manipulative. People who get into a snit then won’t open their mouths love to keep you guessing. It’s not your job to sort her head out but it’s early days, so this should be easy to back away from.

Other than causing you embarrassment (which I'm confused about, why are YOU embarrassed, you didn't do anything) what harm are they doing?

Of course he was embarrassed. She was being moody and difficult. She should’ve stayed away and not spoiled the evening with her attention seeking behaviour under the guise of ‘depression’. Being depressed shouldn’t rob one of consideration.

Why go if she wanted quiet time? Does she need someone holding her hand to have time on her own? That's very controlling.

Op isn't a mind reader. She clearly made the friends of the op feel awkward with how she was acting. Why should everyone else feel that way?

I think they’re trying to say it wasn’t just them who noticed it.