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Original poster

To be annoyed at grandparents for unreliable childcare

216 replies

Noodlees · 31/03/2026 12:34

My parents live 10 mins from us and are retired. When we had kids they said they wouldn't provide regular childcare and that's absolutely fine.
However they will often offer to have the kids ad-hoc during the week to give me a break (we have a toddler and baby) but they'll offer at the last minute or they'll keep changing the time that they're coming or they'll say they'll have them and then make other plans and cancel.
I find it really annoying because what should be a lovely thing for them to do to give me a break feels like actually i can't rely on it to get a break but i don't know if I'm being unreasonable and i should just be grateful for any help i get.

OP posts:
WhatAMarvelousTune · 31/03/2026 12:52

Treadcarefully11 · 31/03/2026 12:49

If you want reliable childcare you need to pay for it. Let them enjoy their retirement in peace.

OP was very clear. Her issue is with her parents offering to look after the children, and then cancelling. She isn’t not letting them enjoy retirement.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 31/03/2026 12:51

Noodlees · 31/03/2026 12:50

Yes the eldest is in nursery two days a week, the baby hasn't started nursery yet as I'm still on mat leave. I don't need more full days of regular childcare, just would love the opportunity to have a bath or something once a week.

Show quote history

Have you not got a partner who can help so you can do that?

Caspianberg · 31/03/2026 12:51

yes just say they need to be more on time if they offer.
Otherwise it’s not helpful if they say they will have toddler at 2pm a few hours at yours , so you book baby for 3 pm vaccinations and then your rushing to wake toddler as it’s now 2.30pm And no sign of them so he has to come also.

Original poster
Noodlees · 31/03/2026 12:50

crossedlines · 31/03/2026 12:47

Very annoying. I think you’ll just need to be upfront and tell them it’s not actually any help at all if they offer and then change the time/ cancel last minute. Then just visit them, or invite them over when it suits you. If you want someone to look after one or both children to give you a break, then a nursery or childminder will provide the reliability you want.

Yes the eldest is in nursery two days a week, the baby hasn't started nursery yet as I'm still on mat leave. I don't need more full days of regular childcare, just would love the opportunity to have a bath or something once a week.

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 31/03/2026 12:50

Treadcarefully11 · 31/03/2026 12:49

If you want reliable childcare you need to pay for it. Let them enjoy their retirement in peace.

I think you misread the OP?

She says she is fine with her parents not wanting to provide regular childcare. Her issue is that they want to see their grandchildren but they make it difficult for her to plan.

SarahAndQuack · 31/03/2026 12:49

I wonder if the issue is that you're relying on them to offer and set times? I get that you don't want to make them feel you are asking for a favour, since they said they wouldn't do regular childcare, but perhaps it'd help?

Treadcarefully11 · 31/03/2026 12:49

If you want reliable childcare you need to pay for it. Let them enjoy their retirement in peace.

Original poster
Noodlees · 31/03/2026 12:47

ToKittyornottoKitty · 31/03/2026 12:43

Can you not talk to them about it and ask for consistency?

I could. I guess I'm worried that if i say they need to be better then they just won't offer at all. I don't know if I'm better to just accept this is how they are or to push for better but potentially get no help.

OP posts:
crossedlines · 31/03/2026 12:47

Very annoying. I think you’ll just need to be upfront and tell them it’s not actually any help at all if they offer and then change the time/ cancel last minute. Then just visit them, or invite them over when it suits you. If you want someone to look after one or both children to give you a break, then a nursery or childminder will provide the reliability you want.

Blueunicornthistle · 31/03/2026 12:45

It’s perfectly reasonable to speak to them about changing times or regularly cancelling. Politely, but explain why it makes life difficult for you.

Regarding the last minute offers, accept the ones that suit you, decline the ones that don’t with “sorry, if you give me more notice next time we can sort something out”.

They’ve forgotten what it’s like. 💐

Snorlaxo · 31/03/2026 12:45

The last minute unreliable nature of the offer isn’t unreasonable at all.

I would stop saying yes and assume that they will always let you down. It’s not fair on you (or the kids if they know) and it’s better that nobody’s hopes are being built up and crushed.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 31/03/2026 12:44

And I don’t mean a consistent arrangement, just let them know how you feel when they change last minute

ToKittyornottoKitty · 31/03/2026 12:43

Can you not talk to them about it and ask for consistency?

Roselily123 · 31/03/2026 12:42

That’s not really on.
Doesn’t matter what it is, if you say you’re going to do something, you do it.
Stick to the 3 strike rule , once, twice and then you’re out.
Couple of chances and then they unreliable.
How would they like it if you did the same thing … not happy I bet….

midgetastic · 31/03/2026 12:42

If people say they will do something they should or it’s pointless

takealettermsjones · 31/03/2026 12:39

I think unfortunately you have to stop believing them and stop agreeing. It's really tough having no support but imo it's better than getting your hopes up and being let down every time.

I'd still let them see DC of course but just stop changing any plans based on their promises. So for instance, don't wait in for them, just say e.g. "we're going to X park at Y time and we'll be there for an hour, come along if you want" etc.