Needy man in the coffeeshop

I’ve never greeted strangers in cafe’s. I’ve never seen anyone else do that either. Is this something you do generally OP? You’re definitely not obliged to.

It's lonely being old. My own dad says he just wants some human interaction when he goes out. People are normally friendly and say hello, have a quick chat. When ever I see an elderly person I keep this in mind and have a quick chat or a cheery hello. We all might be in this position one day. There's no need to switch cafes. Often just a hello is all that's needed.

Post the cafe address so everyone who feels the need can go and give him some attention?

Just stop saying hi. Who care what his eyes do or what you think he wants? You want your peaceful time. Stop creating this issue. You're going into the cafe for a coffee and some quiet time. Ignore him. Wear headphones if you need to. But it's perfectly fine to stop engaging. If you say hi how are you, then you're literally asking for it. Whatever you think the rules of small talk are, he doesn't use them. If you keep doing the same thing expecting a different response, more fool you.

Him: Sometimes I just find people are so disappointing.

YOU: Fuck, yeah.

Move away.

I have found that, as people age, many become introspective and deep thinking. And their friends die off so loneliness is a thing.
An old man speaking like that is not unexpected so only give a brief nod and smile unless you have five minutes to spare.

Don't worry, he will find someone else who will engage.

Me: Hi how are you?
Him: Not good
Me: What’s wrong?
Him: Sometimes I just find people are so disappointing.

Here is how this should go if you don’t want to engage:

You: Just a nod or Hello if unavoidable and move away quickly. Never ask How are you.

If you do get drawn in:

Him: How are you?
You: Fine, thanks.
Him: I’m not good.
You: That’s a shame. (Move away quickly)

😂😂

@Member968405 has he said what he's writing?

He sounds like such a drag. I think you need to come up with a few phrases - “oh dear, hope things get a bit better!” “Oh dear, well I hope you have a good day!” Or wait for him to ask how you are, tell him you’re good, it’s nice weather (or whatever), you’re looking forward to your coffee, see you later. Don’t ask how he is and use a conversation-ending phrase at the end. One of my family members is a big fan of “hmm hmm… well I’ve had a very busy day so I’m just going to sit quietly over here” and people seem to get the hint

No need to change cafes. If you want/need to greet him say “morning” or similar pleasantries so clear just a greeting and not an opening move to conversation.

Failing that have one or two lines to hand if you do have to shut it down. So in your scenario I wouldn’t have said what’s wrong if I didn’t want to know I would say “sorry to hear that”.

You engaged him in conversation first, OP. I never ask people how they are unless I really want to or have time to talk to them. Some people reply with the only acceptable answer and say 'fine', but others will answer your question.

You could just wave give a smile and a good morning, that would be fine.

I think it's very sweet of you OP to come and tell MN about this lonely - if irritating - "older" man and encourage people to slag him off rather than just not engaging with him beyond a polite hello, which is perfectly possible. You're obviously one of life's good ones.

A compromise might be to acknowledge whatever he has said quite seriously but have an excuse ready not to talk for long. Eg, 'Yes, people can be disappointing, can't they. I think on the whole it is harder to make friends than it used to be. There's a coffee morning on Tuesdays at the local church which is supposed to be quite friendly so it might be worth trying that. Look, I'm sorry but I need to get on with some work stuff now.'

I think it's lovely that you have the impulse to talk to him, realising he is lonely, but you shouldn't be a martyr to the cause. It would not be nice for him either if he realised that you were starting to resent him. Unfortunately the people most in need of companionship are often the people least able to solicit it with grace and restraint.

I think I would be tempted to continue with a short exchange when you see him but with a firm strategy for not getting too embroiled. Take a notebook. You could be 'writing' too for your mental and emotional well-being. But you need to do it accompanied by Bach. On headphones. Explain this to him. I think there is a middle way.

He's probably just really lonely. However that isnt necessarily your problem. I had to stop going to the convenient local shop because the .an behind the counter will talk at me for half an hour and I cant cope with that after an exhausting day working in the NHS.
He will continue talking as you are walking out of the door and down the street.

If it was small talk it would probably be ok. But this is very large heavy talk! from a total stranger!
In future OP I would just smile (perfunctorily), not pause, not say anything, move striaight past

Don't change cafes. Think of the cafe owner.
Just ignore or give him a brief nod next time and move past quickly.

He sounds a barrel of laughs, just ignore him and sit away from him. You don’t need to listen to his woes.

Indeed. Some men are far too intrusive.

think I’ll have to change cafes sadly

Why?

If you're initiating the conversation, why can't you just stop?

Just stop talking to him! You don’t have to.

Er, no, we are not all the same as one another. Some of us overshare, some of us demand attention from complete strangers, some of us talk endlessly about ourselves. And some of us don't do any of those things because we have manners.